(no subject)

[phantomtrend]

Hi.
I'm new here.
Just needed to gibber at someone tonight.
I hope that is allowed.



I have to stop this.

"It seems that you have a terrible anxiety." He pushes up his glasses, frowning.

I can't hit the bottle every time I say something stupid.
Everyone says stupid things sometimes.
No one is perfect.
How can I be so concerned with perfection?
It is completely ironic.
Laughable.
Really. It makes me laugh, which would be a positive development if it didn't generate so unsettling a feeling.

I can not continue to let a dismissive comment reduce me to tears, a fetal position on the floor in a public restroom. Drunk.

I was drunk. I think that perhaps drunkenness initiated that particular episode.

It's because I love him, that is why.
No random stranger could affect me so.
I am stronger than that. At least I have retained something.

Later he tells me that I'm crazy.
I don't have any illusions, I say.
I have illusions of illusions, he says.
He says that I invent most of the persecution that plagues me.
I don't.
I understand human nature.
Most people choose to ignore it.

And, sweetheart, it really is that bad.