A Brothers Love is a Brothers Love
I had all day to think about today and what happened. I went to soccer practice, I went to Nandua, I went to my grandparents, I ate dinner with my Mom, hung out with friends and I even wrote 4 pages worth of lyrics, front and back. I dont think it was until I put my pen down and fought with sleep for about an hour that I realized in almost 17 years of my life, I've never felt so alone. Nick, Danny and Julie went on with their lives long ago, which was fine because I always had David around, and we always made noise and tore up the house. It was a hard feeling to swallow so I put on my soccer shoes and got a ball in the middle of the night and ran to the school. Why I went, I didnt really know. I got there, sat in the grass for a second, caught myself praying, got up, shook my legs out and let my feet hit the ball. At first I just kicked away, ball after ball finding the net just how David taught me. Soon I found myself just striking and chasing the ball, not even paying attention to time or what was around me. Then I shot a ball, real far, and sat there. Maybe it was me being three fourths asleep or maybe I just didn't want to move, but I thought to myself any second now, one of my brothers is gonna kick that ball back. I knew it was just a thought that wouldnt amount to anything because in all sense, none of them were around. So I let out a grim smile and walked around in a big circle looking for the ball. Maybe I didn't want to find it, or maybe I didn't care but I walked and thought for what seemed to be hours. I thought about David, and how its only his first day away from home, I thought about how he liked his room mates, I thought about him having money and I thought about sending him all the money I had. Then I thought about Laura and how she must feel, and it turned out worse cause I thought about how David must feel without a real friend by his side to comfort him. I settled with myself by remembering how David has got more courage then what is good for him, a big heart, one hard ass head and mainly, he will be fine. All the while avoiding the real question that brought me out of the house. Why am I so alone? I thought about it, first I blamed girls then I blamed my Dad and when it came down to it, I pushed it all onto my brothers. So I sat there on the curb where david first taught me to tail drop on a skateboard with my head in my hands. I could see the soccer ball from the lights over the school, and at that moment it hit me. David taught me pretty much everything I've ever done. I looked at the curb and saw the faint trails of wax where he taught me how to nose slide, i walked across the parking lot that I lost blood over while he taught me to manual, I even passed the cones he taught me to ollie over. It wasn't until I picked the soccer ball up that I realized that he knew what he was doing the whole time. Every soccer ball I ever touched was because of him. He used soccer as a way to teach me things he already learned. It was never about skill, it was never about agility or power. It was about dedication, respect, honor, courage and most of all keeping your head held high against defeat. All those things I know now, because he handed me a ball and wouldnt let me give up on it. No matter how bad I wanted to quit, he always gave me another reason or a stern look in the eye to keep me at it. Without even thinking I answered the question that bothered me all night. I will never be alone. Everything he taught me has stuck with me and will stay with me forever. All the mistakes he made, though his fault, served as guide lines for me not to make. The success hes achieved, serve as goals for me to reach. On my way home, I said two words, words that wouldnt mean a lot to anyone passing their eyes over this. Be safe, two simple words. Words that at the start of my day meant everything you could imagine from our childhood. It meant thank you for letting me get the last hit, thanks for the last scoop of ice cream, thanks for taking the blame, thanks for letting me use the computer, thanks for letting me play video games, thanks for playing soccer with me, thanks for letting me use the phone and thanks for anything else. Those two words were an understandment on a different level. When he told me to be safe, I knew he knew he had done his share in me growing up. He could leave me and I would be alright. When I told him be safe, I knew he knew what I meant. It's the first time I ever heard I love you and I'm going to miss you brought together into two words.