Another Bad Day
Well I woke up and I thought I was gonna have a good day.... but It hasn't been so good. I'm doing so bad in school and I'm not ready for finals at all. I've been thinking about my mom alot and I almost cried in 2nd and 3rd hour but I held back the tears. Sometimes I get sick of holding them back and put on this fake smile. Behind my smile are my scars and behind my scars you'll find my pain. I hate my life and I hate the way things work. Life???? What do we live for???? Why do we try are hardest to become something great when in the end it doesn't matter because you'll become nothing but death. What is death is there really a heaven??? we all like to think there's a place that forgives are darkess secret sins but is there really a place like that or is there nothing after death. Do we walk the earth as a spirit or do we just die and thats the end there isn'y anything else out there... nothing waiting for us. Life is so fucked up..... All you got to do is believe and have faith right??? How can you believe in something that has never given you anything good in your life....? I hate the way I feel and the way I see things but isn't it true am I the only one that feels this way?? I see everyone and I see how they talk about there moms and I wish you only knew. I understand that sometimes moms can be bitches but.... the things that you say and do wrong to them are the things that eat you away when there gone. Theres not a day that goes by that I don't think about her. I look back and play it over and over again in my head... all the times I yelled at her and all the times I promised her I'd be there and never show up. You know what kills me more than anything..... is that sunday I was suppost to be there. I promised her I was gonna come and spend the weekend with her and instead I stayed with Krystle at my house. It really does kill you. I know that my friends don't know what to say or do and you guys don't have to do anything. I don't know...... I just love talking about her and then it hits me sometimes like a ton of bricks.... she's gona and not coming back. Well I'm gonna go before I cry in front of all these people.