Life is the same

[suicide_fairy]

Not much is new.... different day same shit...ya know. I've been thinking about alot of stuff lately. I called Kat yesterday and she said she still don't want to talk to me... I don't know why I even called. I knew what the out come was going to be. The same shit. Anyways I've been thinking about getting in a relationship but it's kinda hard for me. One I can't find anyone that wants to be with me but Brian Miracle and that will never work, I know it won't because I know what kinda of guy Brian is. Plus all my friends don't like him and they'll probably stop talking to me if I did go out with him. Like I know Lindsay and Brittany and Andrew will all be mad at me. But I'm so sick of being alone. I've been single for almost three years. I mean I did go out with JJ for three weeks but it didn't mean anything to me. Like we went out for three weeks but I wanted to brake up with him when we were going out for two weeks but then I didn't talk to him for another week and so we went out for three weeks. He was a big mistake. Anyways lets move on. I want to be in a relationship but I'm so scared of getting hurt again. I hate pain I hate alot of shit but most of all i hate the pain i feel. I'm scared of love more than anything. things always turn out the same way. You fall in love and your heart gets broken and I don't want things to turn out that way. But if I don't get hurt then they'll get hurt and i don't want to hurt anyone... but I'm the one that gets hurt most of the time. I don't want to be alone but i don't want to hurt either. i don't know man life sux. I think I hurt krystles feelings today because she called and I didn't mean to yell at her but i kind of did because she called while I was in school and i keep getting in trouble. I miss hanging out with her all the time. I wish i could see her everyday like I use to. I feel like were growing apart and that scares me more than anything. Me and Krystle have been friends for so long she's the longest friend I've had. I know to most people 6 years don't seem like a long time but to me she's all i got. I love her so much and i don't mean to hurt her but i know i do. I've been thinking about my mom alot to because Christmas is coming up and she loved Christmas. I know that this Christmas is going to be the hardest because it's going to be the first Christmas that she's not going to be at. I think about her all the time and I just can't stop I mean she's my mom I'll never stop thinking about her but it hurts alot. I love you mamma.
Well I'm gonna get going before I write a book. lol
Later
Christina