(no subject)
The semester is grinding to a halt and I am, regretfully, busier than ever. Five classes and a full-time job have been a small taste of Hell to say the least. All the same, I have made it through in one piece (not counting my mind). My grades are not exactly what I had envisioned them being at the beginning of the semester but, I am still somewhat satisfied (not to have failed). After all, there is only so much one can do with a mere 24 hours per day to work with... maybe if there were 26, I'd be getting somewhere.
I am looking forward to a little rest and relaxation... my belief is that it's much needed.
Somehow, I've managed to designate Friday nights to music in spite of my many obligations. It's my foremost source of sanity in retaliation to a life absolutely sucking me dry. Relentlessly, I am in a constant state of stress and it seems like I'm being pulled to the point of dismemberment from every possible angle imaginable. I get no slack from anyone or anything (ever) and no one shows the least bit of understanding or respect to my situation. I truthfully feel sometimes that I am all alone in this world. I live my life in a constant state of ridicule. So much so that I am becoming numb to the notion of life in general. I feel, sometimes, like there will never be an escape from the constant torment and criticism of this overzealous bitch of a universe I am imprisoned to.
Therefore, I partake in a little Escapism. For me, MUSIC IS MY ESCAPE. Bar after bar, nothing else exists outside of the moment. I set the tempo for how the time will pass and who could ever say shit about it? If I want, I can set the clock back, edit, and run it again if I don't like what's in front of me. Nothing in my life has been more consistent than music. Everything else is, thus far, fleeting and fair-weather. It's there whenever I need it, no if's, and's, or but's. When I have a shitty day, week, month, or year(s), it serves as my outlet, my closure, my comfort. Never would it walk out and leave me or ridicule my dreams and opinions. Never would it judge me and it will always reflect my exact feelings at any given moment. It is my absolute everything. It is what keeps me from blowing my brains out when things get hard. It is what I think about when I wake up. It is in and out of my cognitive thought. It is what I think about when I shut my eyes to dream. It is what I dream about. It is what I live for and what helps me make some sort of sense out of a world that I have never and will never understand in the slightest. At least it gives me purpose. For that, I am grateful.
With that being said, I have work to do.
I am looking forward to a little rest and relaxation... my belief is that it's much needed.
Somehow, I've managed to designate Friday nights to music in spite of my many obligations. It's my foremost source of sanity in retaliation to a life absolutely sucking me dry. Relentlessly, I am in a constant state of stress and it seems like I'm being pulled to the point of dismemberment from every possible angle imaginable. I get no slack from anyone or anything (ever) and no one shows the least bit of understanding or respect to my situation. I truthfully feel sometimes that I am all alone in this world. I live my life in a constant state of ridicule. So much so that I am becoming numb to the notion of life in general. I feel, sometimes, like there will never be an escape from the constant torment and criticism of this overzealous bitch of a universe I am imprisoned to.
Therefore, I partake in a little Escapism. For me, MUSIC IS MY ESCAPE. Bar after bar, nothing else exists outside of the moment. I set the tempo for how the time will pass and who could ever say shit about it? If I want, I can set the clock back, edit, and run it again if I don't like what's in front of me. Nothing in my life has been more consistent than music. Everything else is, thus far, fleeting and fair-weather. It's there whenever I need it, no if's, and's, or but's. When I have a shitty day, week, month, or year(s), it serves as my outlet, my closure, my comfort. Never would it walk out and leave me or ridicule my dreams and opinions. Never would it judge me and it will always reflect my exact feelings at any given moment. It is my absolute everything. It is what keeps me from blowing my brains out when things get hard. It is what I think about when I wake up. It is in and out of my cognitive thought. It is what I think about when I shut my eyes to dream. It is what I dream about. It is what I live for and what helps me make some sort of sense out of a world that I have never and will never understand in the slightest. At least it gives me purpose. For that, I am grateful.
With that being said, I have work to do.