Private to Dracosubtle_simmerMarch 20 2006, 05:48:02 UTC
I made the grave mistake of sending the old wench a donation in my Owl to decline the invitation. She, in turn, sent me the tickets I 'purchased' with said donation, and seems to think she will succeed in berating me to go.
I would like to say I believe she will be unsuccessful, but she did have Albus Dumbledore for a mentor for more years than I have been alive. I would not make any wagers.
Regardless, I am in possession of ten tickets, and if she manages to make me attend, you can bet your spoilt arse I will drag you with me. Our whole happy little houseful, as well, if I can manage it.
Time to learn to clean and press your own dress-robes, boy.
S. Snape
Oh--be wary. McGonagall is rather certain your parents will be there, which is one of her tools she is using to attempt to persuade me to attend.
Private to Dracosubtle_simmerMarch 20 2006, 06:11:49 UTC
DATE??
Has everyone in the entire wizarding world gone utterly round the twist?
I do not 'date'.
'Pretty' will not feed and clothe you when you prepare to make your way in the world, boy. As I doubt you wish to live with me forever, and no one else would put up with your incompetence in the most basic tasks of daily living, you had best learn, and learn quickly. Cooking, cleaning and pressing clothing, household laundry and basic household sanitation are skills you must possess if you wish to be truly 'independent'.
Severus
PS: You have to face them sometime. I will be at hand should you need me. A public venue is probably a better first meeting with your father than a private one. He will wish to maintain all appearances of benevolence.
Private to the Lecherous Old Beastsuicide_blonde_March 20 2006, 06:37:16 UTC
Honestly, I always knew. You're kind of obvious.
Beautiful and nubile? Merlin, Sev, maybe you should just go out and find one for me since you seem to know just what I like.
You seriously need to get laid, though. I think you'd be a good deal less bitter and feel a damn sight younger if you did. Just my opinion though.
Speaking of my father, did you know that I've already been invited by both Granger and Potter? I'll be flayed alive with or without your help at this rate. But don't tempt him.
Private to the Insolent Infantsubtle_simmerMarch 20 2006, 06:48:52 UTC
Obvious, am I? I shall have to attempt to rectify that, and learn to conceal my secret thoughts and feelings. A pity how I'm such an 'open book' with my emotions.
Do you really think I would share if I found something to match that description? Though, I would have to add intelligence to the list if I were to keep it around.
Draco, mind your own bloody business. The last thing I need in my life is anything remotely resembling more complications.
Ah. I see. Well, then, you scarcely need me to watch out for you. Our Saviour is more than man enough for the job. Your father will, no doubt, be thrilled you have garnered such connections.
Private to the Boy Who Wishes to be Homelesssubtle_simmerMarch 20 2006, 07:18:41 UTC
Draco--enough.
I am glad you are feeling better enough to bandy witticisms, but frankly, I am not equal to it. I have a house full of lycanthropes who will be transforming at moonrise tonight, Theo and your safety to look after during the process, try and determine if I can slither my way into your father's good graces enough, once again, to keep tabs on what he is up to, and try and keep the populace at large from stringing me up by my toenails when I go out in public.
The only easy thing in my life at present is my blissful lack of emotional or physical entanglements. My soul was beyond hope of anything 'good' for it, long ago.
Please. Banter with someone with talent for it and leave me to my brooding.
Private to the Man Who Ruined My Funsuicide_blonde_March 20 2006, 07:26:03 UTC
Fine, fine, I'll stop pestering you.
But if the time ever comes where someone's interested, please don't get caught up in your guilt and this assumption that you're not worth it or whatever. For one thing, it would kill the mood. For another, that's just you being silly. You deserve love and affection and nice, happy orgasms just as much as anyone.
It would, wouldn't it?
~Draco
PS: Now your brooding is interfering with my pouting.
Private to the Boy with the Wild Imaginationsubtle_simmerMarch 20 2006, 07:37:27 UTC
Draco--have you looked at me recently? Have you spoken to me recently? Have you considered my reputation recently?
What part of any of the above remotely suggests, "Appealing candidate for romantic partner"?
I can just see the Personal ad in that revolting Gossip column:
"Ugly, confirmed Murderer, convicted Death Eater, acerbic, cruel, embittered elderly male of meagre financial means in search of companion for pleasant evenings of verbal abuse, random death threats from strangers, and sex. Please reply with owl and photo."Murdering, ugly Death Eaters neither deserve nor attract 'love and affection', Draco--nor know what to do with it if it bit them on the exceedingly large nose. I am well aware of my deficiencies, and perfectly content with the status of my life. I am alive, the Dark Lord is dead, and I am not in Azkaban. Far, far better than I had expected to be at this point
( ... )
Private to the Self-Deprecating Yet Hilarious Man Next Doorsuicide_blonde_March 20 2006, 07:49:55 UTC
Do you hear that? That is me laughing my arse off. Still, you never know who might be into that sort of thing.
Honestly, though? You're not hideous. I mean, you're nose is huge and you're not pretty or anything, but you've got sort of striking features and this aura about you that's appealing.
I suppose it could just be me. I am mentally unstable after all. But I'd like to be cautiously optimistic on your behalf.
Private to the boy in hystericssubtle_simmerMarch 20 2006, 08:00:23 UTC
Yes, I hear you. Take a breath for Merlin's sake, or I will come in and douse you with a calming draught. That's the one you say tastes like raw sewage flavoured with paprika.
Thank you, Draco. You truly know how to flatter a man. 'Not hideous' is probably the nicest thing anyone has ever said about my appearance.
You are not mentally unstable. You are emotionally unstable. There is a difference. Your auntie is mentally unstable. Do you see?
I do not need optimism, Draco. I do not know how many times I have to say it before you will believe me, but I am content with my situation
( ... )
Private to the Comediansuicide_blonde_March 20 2006, 08:20:41 UTC
I'm fine. Honest.
Well, I'm not very good at flattering people. I'm quite out of practice kissing hands and complimenting Purebloods. Still, you're kind of good looking in your own way.
Yeah, I see the difference now.
Fine, fine. I'm just saying.
Oh dear, you and Lupin. At least you compliment each other. He might keep you from being too bitter an old man. And at least people would visit, if only to see him.
I would like to say I believe she will be unsuccessful, but she did have Albus Dumbledore for a mentor for more years than I have been alive. I would not make any wagers.
Regardless, I am in possession of ten tickets, and if she manages to make me attend, you can bet your spoilt arse I will drag you with me. Our whole happy little houseful, as well, if I can manage it.
Time to learn to clean and press your own dress-robes, boy.
S. Snape
Oh--be wary. McGonagall is rather certain your parents will be there, which is one of her tools she is using to attempt to persuade me to attend.
Reply
Clean and . . . I think not. These hands do not do menial labours. They're far to pretty.
~Draco
PS: Great, just what I'll need.
Reply
Has everyone in the entire wizarding world gone utterly round the twist?
I do not 'date'.
'Pretty' will not feed and clothe you when you prepare to make your way in the world, boy. As I doubt you wish to live with me forever, and no one else would put up with your incompetence in the most basic tasks of daily living, you had best learn, and learn quickly. Cooking, cleaning and pressing clothing, household laundry and basic household sanitation are skills you must possess if you wish to be truly 'independent'.
Severus
PS: You have to face them sometime. I will be at hand should you need me. A public venue is probably a better first meeting with your father than a private one. He will wish to maintain all appearances of benevolence.
Reply
Pretty might work on some people, you know. They would be dazzled by my good looks and do whatever I wished of them. Well, I can dream, at least.
~Draco
PS: Yes, well, I'll still pout over it. That strange silence you hear coming from the room next to yours? That's me pouting.
Reply
Bah! Foolish boy! Don't be ridiculous. Go find your beautiful, nubile young soul mate and leave homely, bitter old men to their deserved isolation.
My 'partner', indeed. Let us just ask for your father to come storming to my house and flay us both alive.
Well, at least he would try. I might actually like to see him make the attempt. It would solve a great many of my current concerns.
Severus
PS: Do endeavour not to pout so loudly. You are driving me mad.
Reply
Beautiful and nubile? Merlin, Sev, maybe you should just go out and find one for me since you seem to know just what I like.
You seriously need to get laid, though. I think you'd be a good deal less bitter and feel a damn sight younger if you did. Just my opinion though.
Speaking of my father, did you know that I've already been invited by both Granger and Potter? I'll be flayed alive with or without your help at this rate. But don't tempt him.
~Draco
PS: Am I? Am I really?
Reply
Do you really think I would share if I found something to match that description? Though, I would have to add intelligence to the list if I were to keep it around.
Draco, mind your own bloody business. The last thing I need in my life is anything remotely resembling more complications.
Ah. I see. Well, then, you scarcely need me to watch out for you. Our Saviour is more than man enough for the job. Your father will, no doubt, be thrilled you have garnered such connections.
Severus
PS: Yes. Yes you are.
Reply
Being a bit greedy now, aren't you Sev. I thought you wanted me to be happy and that you were going to waste away to nothing, all by yourself.
True, but orgasms are good for the soul and I've heard that they're even better when they involve someone other than yourself.
My father will have a heart attack.
~Draco
PS: Oh. Well, good.
Reply
I am glad you are feeling better enough to bandy witticisms, but frankly, I am not equal to it. I have a house full of lycanthropes who will be transforming at moonrise tonight, Theo and your safety to look after during the process, try and determine if I can slither my way into your father's good graces enough, once again, to keep tabs on what he is up to, and try and keep the populace at large from stringing me up by my toenails when I go out in public.
The only easy thing in my life at present is my blissful lack of emotional or physical entanglements. My soul was beyond hope of anything 'good' for it, long ago.
Please. Banter with someone with talent for it and leave me to my brooding.
A heart-attack would solve many things.
Severus
PS: I thought that would please you.
Reply
But if the time ever comes where someone's interested, please don't get caught up in your guilt and this assumption that you're not worth it or whatever. For one thing, it would kill the mood. For another, that's just you being silly. You deserve love and affection and nice, happy orgasms just as much as anyone.
It would, wouldn't it?
~Draco
PS: Now your brooding is interfering with my pouting.
Reply
What part of any of the above remotely suggests, "Appealing candidate for romantic partner"?
I can just see the Personal ad in that revolting Gossip column:
"Ugly, confirmed Murderer, convicted Death Eater, acerbic, cruel, embittered elderly male of meagre financial means in search of companion for pleasant evenings of verbal abuse, random death threats from strangers, and sex. Please reply with owl and photo."Murdering, ugly Death Eaters neither deserve nor attract 'love and affection', Draco--nor know what to do with it if it bit them on the exceedingly large nose. I am well aware of my deficiencies, and perfectly content with the status of my life. I am alive, the Dark Lord is dead, and I am not in Azkaban. Far, far better than I had expected to be at this point ( ... )
Reply
Honestly, though? You're not hideous. I mean, you're nose is huge and you're not pretty or anything, but you've got sort of striking features and this aura about you that's appealing.
I suppose it could just be me. I am mentally unstable after all. But I'd like to be cautiously optimistic on your behalf.
~Draco
PS: Well, it is now.
Reply
Thank you, Draco. You truly know how to flatter a man. 'Not hideous' is probably the nicest thing anyone has ever said about my appearance.
You are not mentally unstable. You are emotionally unstable. There is a difference. Your auntie is mentally unstable. Do you see?
I do not need optimism, Draco. I do not know how many times I have to say it before you will believe me, but I am content with my situation ( ... )
Reply
Well, I'm not very good at flattering people. I'm quite out of practice kissing hands and complimenting Purebloods. Still, you're kind of good looking in your own way.
Yeah, I see the difference now.
Fine, fine. I'm just saying.
Oh dear, you and Lupin. At least you compliment each other. He might keep you from being too bitter an old man. And at least people would visit, if only to see him.
~Draco
PS: I suppose.
Reply
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