(no subject)
What the fuck do I always do wrong? Why do I always end up getting hurt and then blamed for everything? I really think there's some magical thing in me that turns people into horrible, selfish assholes when I'm nice to them. What is it? Do I do too much? Do I ask for too much? Is it really ridiculous of me to expect a guy I date to act like a man and be a fucking man? Why am I always the fucking bad guy? What the hell do I do to guys? I'm dumbfounded by the events of tonight. It was supposed to be fun, have some friend time and go venture around an abandoned insane asylum. Instead Dave was unrecognizable. His closest friends didn't even fucking recognize him. I'm still left wondering what the fuck is going on?! This experience just reinforces my insecurities about myself. I've always thought that I make people into bad people by just being around them and here it fucking happened out of the blue. I'm just convinced that I'm meant to be miserably and terribly alone. No one will ever love me and be with me. I'll just be loved from a distance where they're safe. No one's going too get close enough to me to show me that love and risk getting, I don't know, warped into a demon or something by my touch. What's wrong with me? Really, what's wrong with me? Why does this keep happening to me? I feel like I have nothing good to offer anyone because of this, that the pain that I always experience is completely justified by those that hurt me. Is everyone fucking happy? I'm hurting! Yay! Karma's got me and I'm miserable and feel like shit. I just continue to hurt and get hurt and it's getting so hard to ever hope that I could ever be safe and loved by someone. I'm alone, no one's going to come to my rescue. If I were a princess trapped in a tower the prince would simply burn the tower down and not be bothered with the trouble of saving me.