All Down Hill!
You know this should be the most happiest time of my life. My baby is going to be here in litterally 2 weeks I know this for the simple fact that im going to be induced. Its all planned but life is so so so shitty for me now. Sept 11 haha 911 my boyfriend decided to fuck up really bad. he went to work sat. night and the last thing he told me was all im gonna do is come home and go to sleep cus i kept him up all day due to my baby shower. and i was like yes baby whatever you want. Well the next morning rolled around and he never came home i waited and waited and waited so I got really worried. I called the jail no Ramon, the county hospitals no Ramon, then even San Antonio No Ramon. He winded up having all this stress boiling down on him that he went and bought some Coke and lots of booze and sat under the bridge in downtown by Greyhound his work and get all fucked up. Parents found out and kicked him out. I was devistated clean for 9 months straight only to fuck up under pressure. He checked himself in to a Rehab place that still let him work under supervision. We worked things out and he got us an apt. and were gonna move in together on ummm i believe the 23rd but then Rita shit came up. on the 22nd my mother let him stay with us cus regardless she's not gonna have him in the danger of it. well come to find out that night his work called to help out before closing. and he went, when work was over he called and wanted to come back to us but the bus service was stopped already and my mom didnt wanna pick him up so he got tickets to go to San Antonio, I was supposed to go but due to me being so far along im not allowed to travel. well he went I cried all night about it. at 5 am in the morning he got there he called me and was like im going to my moms house, and Monday im coming home and we're gonna start our lives over for the 2nd time we'll move in and everthing will be great. and said I love you and i'll call you later on in the day when I wake up. That was the last time I ever heard his voice. He winded up not coming back to me he stayed in San Antonio. and wasnt a man enough to tell me this Yes I understand he has alot of unfinished business since he has a son there he left but he chose to leave him cus he gave his mom custody of him. and he chose to come to Houston with me. well his mother hated me and his brother hated me and I know they started some shit with him and forced him to stay there. but he could have told me. I deserve that dont I?? never did i ever fuck up. I loved him with all my heart a love no one will understand and he knew i needed him the most now more then ever. I always said all these 9 months gosh i feel so bad for the girls who wont have there men there fore them during labor.But now thats me, im gonna be the single parent raising my daughter. I cry everynight. Im trying to stay strong for my daughter cus every feeling I have she feels but i cant. I know i still have my parents but I feel so alone. and afraid im always paranoid, afraid of being left alone, i feel no one will ever love me with a kid. I just want an explanation from him, I mean why pretend to love someone, get engagement rings together, get a tattoo of my name, every litle thing he ever did. If it would only come down to this I mean the Dr. appts. he cried in joy when he found out it was a girl, went on a shopping spree, talked to my belly every night to her. Everything for nothing. To not even care of have intentions of being there when she enters the world to comfort me in my pain to cut her cord everything. WHY?????? I guess i'll never know?