worst night E V E R.

[suhlut]

so i lost the love of my life and my best friend last night.
he told me that the spark he had for me was gone.
and that those don't come back.

i'm dying inside.

i have to talk with my sister in law and my mom again today. because i dont want to go to alaska. it'll just make everything worse.
i want to be here where i have friends that care about me. not 3,000 miles away from them.

my eyes are puffy as hell and my nose wont stop running, and my head is pounding so bad.
and i can't sleep.
i kept waking up.

seriously. i wish new years never happened. or if it did. that it woulda wound up extremely different. the only reason i wasnt around him all night was because he was enjoying himself shootin shit with people he'd never met before. i didnt want to impose. i wanted to see him have a good time.

seriously. i hate myself SO much right now.

it sucks because i have so many memories of him. so i cant get over the fact that he broke my heart last night. everything makes me think of him. even the stupidest shit. like my bed or something. or my car.

im physically sick to my stomach. i just got out of the shower because i couldnt go back to sleep and i felt like i was going to faint.

my life is pure shit right now.
the purest ever.

so...here is a new year to..

broken hearts.
deception.
lies.
love.
hate.
new friendship.
old.
moving.
not moving.

and especially for me...




L O S T L O V E.