::the last 3 years were just pretend::

[sugartooth003]

so.. i would say i hate change.. like hate it... i mean for a while its ok.. i can be "normal" and have fun and smile but its not really real.. being around couples its sooo hard and just knowing i dont have anyone to play around with and be silly and cute or someone to just hug and kiss isnt fair.. and i wish so badly i had that and i dont want it with just anyone.. i want it with him but some guys cant control themselves i guess.. which isnt fair ether.. so im stuck.. yeah i can get other guys i know of 2 guys i can be with but its not really what i want .. i wish i can just forget.. :-\ impossible?
not to mention i saw him yesterday and i just didnt wanna let go.. but i have to.. i just have to.. i guess ill keep telling myself that and pretend its ok.. but somewhere along the lines it will be.. i hope