foolishly trying to think again
This is what I am wondering: Where is everyone going to church? My sister's theory is that we just aren't going. People are going, certainly, but we aren't. I'm not sure how it all began... I've privately attributed this "movement" (or lack thereof)almost entirely to David Bazan, the poster-child for disillusioned post modern emo Christians, and Mark Knoll's Scandal of the Evangelical Mind. During college theirs were the honest, insightful voices that, skewed by a desire to justify my particular brand of self-righteousness, fueled my own cynicism and frustration with Christianity and, more specifically, Evangelicalism. At the time I'd thought I'd figured out a fundamental flaw in today's church: severe negligence of the mind. Since then, I've also added negligence of the body--and also the arts, which speak both to the mind and the body. Sometimes I wonder if we've completely demonized everything to do with being human. I've heard talk of modern gnosticism, which supports that theory. There have been responses (or reactions?) within the church, certainly. There are these "alternative" churches (I haven't figured out if that's what's referred to as "the Emerging Church" or not) here and there that emphasize intellect and community and creativity and love; many Evangelicals, it seems, are embracing a more orthodox, high church approach to faith; lots more books addressing these issues have been written over the last few years; and I think maybe we all drink beer with a clear conscience now. But it's fragmented and there is still so much bitterness. In spite of everything I still identify myself with Evangelicals and I really want to be gracious to the church. I would not call myself cynical these days--I think I might even be hopeful. But. I'm not going to church. I want to go, but, even so and even more, I don't want to go. This is what I find to be true with so many of my peers. The preceding generation tells me that I need to stop looking for a church to serve me and my desires and to look for a church in which I can serve. They've been telling me this for a long time now, and I know they are wise and that this is true. But I cannot deny that I have my own spiritual needs. And I cannot ignore the fact that there is something of an epidemic here; I am not alone in my purported egocentrism. I want to get past it. I want to contribute, I do. I want to grow, but I don't have the luxury of wisdom and experience beyond my years, and, try as I may, I cannot escape my culture. I'm not quite sure what to do at this point. I keep wondering when I'll go to church.