Another random top ten list and assorted semi-intoxicated meanderings
It could be the mimosa in my new Chococat glass, but is almost every new tv show this fall about some dude and his manpain? I counted like five shows with a female front-runner, Peggy Carter, two shows about young Latinas, both based off of shows from South America because clearly Americans don't know how to make shoes about women, though yay for diversity, boo for why does one have to be about a virgin whog ets accidentally inseminated? I mean, why? Is that not massively stupid? Oh, and one crime show with a big name actress I am too tipsy to remember balancing her work on the police force with raising kids.
There may have been one other with an ensamble of women and OMG HOW DO WE EVER NAVIGATE SEX IN THE MODERN WORLD which couldn't sing Sex and the City Ripoff any louder if it tried. It's like women are only interesting if we're banging or tending the product of our banging. Pray for Peggy Carter, people, PRAY.
Oi.
Can we please stop savaging Anita Sarkeesian? The poor woman.
Also, Ikes Quarter Cafe and Pine Stop? Your food is not good enough for the epic amounts of bullshit you put your customers through. 45 minutes for eggs and bacon and French Toast is ridiculous, and the fact that your waitstaff is perky does not mask the fact that most of them are nigh incompotent. I already have to pay more for organic and gluten free, nowhere does it say it all takes triple the time and that friends of your staff seem to get seated and fed in a more timely manner than others.
On the plus side, slightly tipsy! It's kind of awesome.
So, in the spirit of said tipsyness, lets talk about houseguests, shall we? Or, even better,with libations loosening my tongue, let's give the top ten rules of being a houseguest, as I've had a couple this summer, and many of them were a hell of a lot more stressful than they ever needed to be. And it's not that I don't like having guests! I do, it's just, gah, really?
SO. The Top Ten Slightly Tipsy Houseguest Rules as developed from Shugawhim's Summer o' Shitty Visitors
1- Arrive Within A Reasonable Window of When You Say You Are Going to Arrive.
Look. Car trouble happens. So does traffic. We all know this. I'm not talking about reasonable delays created by unforseen events. I'm talking about quoting your host a time, and then arriving a day early, eight hours later or, sometimes, not at all. These are all rude. Your host has cleared their schedule, cleaned their abode, made the beds and stocked their house accordingly. No host wants this process interrupted, or wasted. Obviously your mileage may vary, because there can be circumstances, but, for the most part, if you say you're coming, quote times and text from the road you are enroute, you best appear.
2- Wet towels do not belong on the floor.
Fuck everyone who left me a used towel on my carpet. THERE ARE TOWELBARS IN THE GUEST BATHROOM.
3- I'm a Nonsmoker, You Should Respect That.
Look, I get you have some niggling little nicotine addictions. Just, I don't. Respect me and my home. I don't want my house to smell like cigarette smoke. SO, don't smoke in front of my door, or right by the windows. Move away from my house so I don't have to inhale tobacco for the next week. Don't throw your butts in my yard, I have to pick them up. And, thanks for leaving me the jar of water, cigarette butts and ash. Classy.
4- Watch Your Children
I should not have to police your children from touching my stuff while also acting as host and tour guide and you play on your Kindle. Your kids can touch all the books they want in your home? Fantastic. Seven is old enough to know it isn't the same for other places. I don't want sticky watermelon wet fingers wrinkling the pages of my limited edition art books, which are on bottom shelves on display because I do not have children and therefore have not child-proofed my house.Pick one; You teach yoru kids to look with their eyes, not with their hands OR you supervise them.
5- Your Pet is Welcome, As Long As Zer and You Aren't Assholes.
I have three dogs. I love them. They get along with others, and others are welcome to visit. Your animal better get along well with others, I'm not going to lock mine up because yours is difficult. However, if you bring you, and your pet, and your pet is say, really protective of his food, it might be best NOT to feed that pet from the table, which will only attract the other animals because, well, someone is handing out something good, so your pet then attacks the other pets to protect the food source. Worse still, is to be completely bewildered about what happened. Know your animal, and respect the other animals on the property. This is their home, after all.
6- Don't Touch My Computer.
I get your're on the road and there's not much cel connection here. I get my computer is unattended in the living room and it would be sooo easy to check your email real quick while I am in the kitchen. Don't. That is my personal computer, not a terminal in a Cyber Cafe. You don't touch anyone's personal computer without express permission. You don't need to read from behind their chair, either, because that's creepy atop of rude and invasive.
7- We Do Not Need To Live In Each Other's Pockets.
You're here for a week. I do not need or want to spend every waking hour in your presence. I need an hour or two down and to myself a day or I will not be able to function. As an introvert, I draw mental equallibrium from being alone and quiet. I know this is hard for you extroverts to understand, but you need to make the effort. If I do not get these things, I will be tired, stressed and unable to continue acting as chipper host and tour guide. It's for the good everyone. I'm sure you brought a book or something while I recharge. And that means an quiet hour without seeing the hysterical cat video on your phone, or that real quick question about how the burner on the stove got broken or did I see XYZ John Cusak Movie. An uninterrupted hour..and not the one while I'm getting ready for bed/
8- Eat Your Mistakes.
If you give me the wrong departure time for, say, an airplane, and I have driven you two and a half hours to the airport on the information you gave me based on your flight that you booked and you have the print out for, only, you didn't bother to double check the time and gave me the wrong one so you are too late to board? Then you wait in the terminal the seven hours until the next flight. Don't expect me to drive you home, then drive you back in three hours. I am not spending five additional hours in the car because you were too lazy to verify your own information despite prompting to do so, and your own reluctance to get up early. This applies to any situation where you make an extreme and thoughtless error, and rather than living with the consequences, you want to inconvienance someone else for your stupidity. Don't do this.
9- You Should Pitch In Around My House When It Involes You.
Apparently this isn't guest common knowledge, but being a guest in someone's house does not mean you have rented yourself a servant for the duration. If we go buy groceries? Help me carry them in. If you pull a bunch of things off my shelves, put them back. If I'm helping carry or your luggage or unpack your car, don't give me all the heaviest things. The afforementioned towel thing which was such a major isssue it got it's own point. Now, I'm not saying whip out my vacuum and have a go at my house, but if you or your pet makes a mess, you might want to consider lending a hand cleaning it up. There is something awful about a room full of grown ass people thinking they can sit and watch me cook an entire breakfast, set the table, serve the breakfast, then clear the table and wash all the dishes while they sit and watch me and not only not offer to help in any capacity, but not have the scope to know they should.
10- I don't have to invite you back.
We may be related. We may be friends. But if you are invited to my home, I am respectful of your space, possessions and needs, I am welcoming of my kitchen, and happy to have you. I don't like confrontation, and I'm really easy going. If you do not offer me, my dogs and my home the same consideration as you give your own, I don't have to have you.
Ever Again.
There may have been one other with an ensamble of women and OMG HOW DO WE EVER NAVIGATE SEX IN THE MODERN WORLD which couldn't sing Sex and the City Ripoff any louder if it tried. It's like women are only interesting if we're banging or tending the product of our banging. Pray for Peggy Carter, people, PRAY.
Oi.
Can we please stop savaging Anita Sarkeesian? The poor woman.
Also, Ikes Quarter Cafe and Pine Stop? Your food is not good enough for the epic amounts of bullshit you put your customers through. 45 minutes for eggs and bacon and French Toast is ridiculous, and the fact that your waitstaff is perky does not mask the fact that most of them are nigh incompotent. I already have to pay more for organic and gluten free, nowhere does it say it all takes triple the time and that friends of your staff seem to get seated and fed in a more timely manner than others.
On the plus side, slightly tipsy! It's kind of awesome.
So, in the spirit of said tipsyness, lets talk about houseguests, shall we? Or, even better,with libations loosening my tongue, let's give the top ten rules of being a houseguest, as I've had a couple this summer, and many of them were a hell of a lot more stressful than they ever needed to be. And it's not that I don't like having guests! I do, it's just, gah, really?
SO. The Top Ten Slightly Tipsy Houseguest Rules as developed from Shugawhim's Summer o' Shitty Visitors
1- Arrive Within A Reasonable Window of When You Say You Are Going to Arrive.
Look. Car trouble happens. So does traffic. We all know this. I'm not talking about reasonable delays created by unforseen events. I'm talking about quoting your host a time, and then arriving a day early, eight hours later or, sometimes, not at all. These are all rude. Your host has cleared their schedule, cleaned their abode, made the beds and stocked their house accordingly. No host wants this process interrupted, or wasted. Obviously your mileage may vary, because there can be circumstances, but, for the most part, if you say you're coming, quote times and text from the road you are enroute, you best appear.
2- Wet towels do not belong on the floor.
Fuck everyone who left me a used towel on my carpet. THERE ARE TOWELBARS IN THE GUEST BATHROOM.
3- I'm a Nonsmoker, You Should Respect That.
Look, I get you have some niggling little nicotine addictions. Just, I don't. Respect me and my home. I don't want my house to smell like cigarette smoke. SO, don't smoke in front of my door, or right by the windows. Move away from my house so I don't have to inhale tobacco for the next week. Don't throw your butts in my yard, I have to pick them up. And, thanks for leaving me the jar of water, cigarette butts and ash. Classy.
4- Watch Your Children
I should not have to police your children from touching my stuff while also acting as host and tour guide and you play on your Kindle. Your kids can touch all the books they want in your home? Fantastic. Seven is old enough to know it isn't the same for other places. I don't want sticky watermelon wet fingers wrinkling the pages of my limited edition art books, which are on bottom shelves on display because I do not have children and therefore have not child-proofed my house.Pick one; You teach yoru kids to look with their eyes, not with their hands OR you supervise them.
5- Your Pet is Welcome, As Long As Zer and You Aren't Assholes.
I have three dogs. I love them. They get along with others, and others are welcome to visit. Your animal better get along well with others, I'm not going to lock mine up because yours is difficult. However, if you bring you, and your pet, and your pet is say, really protective of his food, it might be best NOT to feed that pet from the table, which will only attract the other animals because, well, someone is handing out something good, so your pet then attacks the other pets to protect the food source. Worse still, is to be completely bewildered about what happened. Know your animal, and respect the other animals on the property. This is their home, after all.
6- Don't Touch My Computer.
I get your're on the road and there's not much cel connection here. I get my computer is unattended in the living room and it would be sooo easy to check your email real quick while I am in the kitchen. Don't. That is my personal computer, not a terminal in a Cyber Cafe. You don't touch anyone's personal computer without express permission. You don't need to read from behind their chair, either, because that's creepy atop of rude and invasive.
7- We Do Not Need To Live In Each Other's Pockets.
You're here for a week. I do not need or want to spend every waking hour in your presence. I need an hour or two down and to myself a day or I will not be able to function. As an introvert, I draw mental equallibrium from being alone and quiet. I know this is hard for you extroverts to understand, but you need to make the effort. If I do not get these things, I will be tired, stressed and unable to continue acting as chipper host and tour guide. It's for the good everyone. I'm sure you brought a book or something while I recharge. And that means an quiet hour without seeing the hysterical cat video on your phone, or that real quick question about how the burner on the stove got broken or did I see XYZ John Cusak Movie. An uninterrupted hour..and not the one while I'm getting ready for bed/
8- Eat Your Mistakes.
If you give me the wrong departure time for, say, an airplane, and I have driven you two and a half hours to the airport on the information you gave me based on your flight that you booked and you have the print out for, only, you didn't bother to double check the time and gave me the wrong one so you are too late to board? Then you wait in the terminal the seven hours until the next flight. Don't expect me to drive you home, then drive you back in three hours. I am not spending five additional hours in the car because you were too lazy to verify your own information despite prompting to do so, and your own reluctance to get up early. This applies to any situation where you make an extreme and thoughtless error, and rather than living with the consequences, you want to inconvienance someone else for your stupidity. Don't do this.
9- You Should Pitch In Around My House When It Involes You.
Apparently this isn't guest common knowledge, but being a guest in someone's house does not mean you have rented yourself a servant for the duration. If we go buy groceries? Help me carry them in. If you pull a bunch of things off my shelves, put them back. If I'm helping carry or your luggage or unpack your car, don't give me all the heaviest things. The afforementioned towel thing which was such a major isssue it got it's own point. Now, I'm not saying whip out my vacuum and have a go at my house, but if you or your pet makes a mess, you might want to consider lending a hand cleaning it up. There is something awful about a room full of grown ass people thinking they can sit and watch me cook an entire breakfast, set the table, serve the breakfast, then clear the table and wash all the dishes while they sit and watch me and not only not offer to help in any capacity, but not have the scope to know they should.
10- I don't have to invite you back.
We may be related. We may be friends. But if you are invited to my home, I am respectful of your space, possessions and needs, I am welcoming of my kitchen, and happy to have you. I don't like confrontation, and I'm really easy going. If you do not offer me, my dogs and my home the same consideration as you give your own, I don't have to have you.
Ever Again.