Every writer I know has trouble writing
It was two in the morning, and I was still up. Crying, nonetheless, over the end of a good book. Telling myself to get to sleep wasn't working. I've figured out why I do this. Devouring books like especially good chocolate, I mean. It fills the holes in my life, the words. The books are all the same, more or less. Something sad, something happy. Full of love and deep thoughts. Very teenage. How I want my life to be.
Today felt much better than last Thursday. I could sort of toss, my flourishes were better despite my lack of practice, and I figured out the key to swing-lift tosses (Pull down, HARD). last week I felt as if I'd never catch up, I'd be behind again like in gymnastics. Always left behind, no don't look at her she hasn't gotten her skills yet. But I'll be fine.
We practiced outside, in the grass infront of the building. I coaxed a ladybug onto my finger as I stretched, just before getting called off to be measured. I admit, it is fun to work in a serious block with Angie. But I feel so much more relaxed when it's a small group with Jerri, full of new people, except of course for Gina. She lead the counting, told us what to fix, stood at the front and gave corrections. I could actually learn when I wasn't afraid of getting told off for dropping my flag. Gina would just laugh at me, tell me to take out my aggressions on the flag, and I'd tell her "I know, I know."
And I wouldn't feel inadequate, or stupid. We'd all just laugh as we lost count of how many spins that was, or on forgetting what exactly we yelled out before throwing a pop toss. It felt like I could let out my breath after holding it in for so long, and just smile, five, six, seven, squeeze, UP, catch! And then I'd actually catch it for once.
Today felt much better than last Thursday. I could sort of toss, my flourishes were better despite my lack of practice, and I figured out the key to swing-lift tosses (Pull down, HARD). last week I felt as if I'd never catch up, I'd be behind again like in gymnastics. Always left behind, no don't look at her she hasn't gotten her skills yet. But I'll be fine.
We practiced outside, in the grass infront of the building. I coaxed a ladybug onto my finger as I stretched, just before getting called off to be measured. I admit, it is fun to work in a serious block with Angie. But I feel so much more relaxed when it's a small group with Jerri, full of new people, except of course for Gina. She lead the counting, told us what to fix, stood at the front and gave corrections. I could actually learn when I wasn't afraid of getting told off for dropping my flag. Gina would just laugh at me, tell me to take out my aggressions on the flag, and I'd tell her "I know, I know."
And I wouldn't feel inadequate, or stupid. We'd all just laugh as we lost count of how many spins that was, or on forgetting what exactly we yelled out before throwing a pop toss. It felt like I could let out my breath after holding it in for so long, and just smile, five, six, seven, squeeze, UP, catch! And then I'd actually catch it for once.