bienvenue au cirque.
Im less than accomplishing right now.
Never asked for the mother/wife role and sank slowly into apathy over it.
Im not unappreciative of love or life, just stagnant in its loophole.
growing mold. losing strength.
im toying with ideas of a nomads life too often these days.
options are always available if you work for them, and ive seen endless ways to get a little more.
Ideas like settling down, a house, a family, a fence and a yard are being tossed effortlessly at me. And although thankful for the blessing of an easy out, im wearing the face again. its not me.
not now. maybe not ever.
the thing about my life is something will only amuse until it is unamusing.
fads.fashions.trends.
consistent in that they always end.
ive got a plan.
ive got many.
Im dealing with rising fears, budding hope, that fluttering feeling in my stomach.
Im finally starting to feel again. Id almost forgotten it amidst the routine of school work and weekend play. dulled out by shots of liquor and lies.
i was almost gone, and maybe it took a doc emmett brown to show me how to remember.
its only ever been half assed, ive only ever gone half way.
but i could take a jump now.
i believe in leaps of faith.
failing health has made me more aware of mortality.
you only live once.
what am i waiting for?
this decisions already been made for me.
its been in my heart for too long.
its only now that the guts are onboard too.
i used to think delinquency was rebellion, was pure unbridled living. the real life.
tiny moments of freedom.
it was nothing but a waste of time keeping me in a cage.
i swear im doing it right this time.
Never asked for the mother/wife role and sank slowly into apathy over it.
Im not unappreciative of love or life, just stagnant in its loophole.
growing mold. losing strength.
im toying with ideas of a nomads life too often these days.
options are always available if you work for them, and ive seen endless ways to get a little more.
Ideas like settling down, a house, a family, a fence and a yard are being tossed effortlessly at me. And although thankful for the blessing of an easy out, im wearing the face again. its not me.
not now. maybe not ever.
the thing about my life is something will only amuse until it is unamusing.
fads.fashions.trends.
consistent in that they always end.
ive got a plan.
ive got many.
Im dealing with rising fears, budding hope, that fluttering feeling in my stomach.
Im finally starting to feel again. Id almost forgotten it amidst the routine of school work and weekend play. dulled out by shots of liquor and lies.
i was almost gone, and maybe it took a doc emmett brown to show me how to remember.
its only ever been half assed, ive only ever gone half way.
but i could take a jump now.
i believe in leaps of faith.
failing health has made me more aware of mortality.
you only live once.
what am i waiting for?
this decisions already been made for me.
its been in my heart for too long.
its only now that the guts are onboard too.
i used to think delinquency was rebellion, was pure unbridled living. the real life.
tiny moments of freedom.
it was nothing but a waste of time keeping me in a cage.
i swear im doing it right this time.