ramblys an update
elaborating on a myspace blog because this is my ranting journal.
Any of you that have ever lived with me for more than a week know I get vicious nightmares. Moreso if I dont feel totally comfortable in where i am and state of mind.
Horrific, mind altering, grafic scenes of the most disturbed visuals my mind can conjure up.
I think it was clive barker that said, i dont have nightmares, ive given them all to you.
and maybe if i had followed that dream to become i writer i wouldnt be bottled up with so many untold stories.
instead i will wake up confused and panting at 6am. Stumble out into an uneasy pace. I will think about waking him up to talk, but know that he's had a rough night and a long day ahead so instead spend 30 mins creeping up to the crook between his arm and torso. And once his arm slowly descends around me finally feel some sense of calm.
Such a fear im not used to in reality. It begs the question, why am im not disturbed by the world, but cant handle my own mind?
when sleep finally comes im left with another.
Laura, beware your baby.
lets quote a just as tortured man in saying
sleep, those little slices of death, how i loath them.
but only on mornings like this.
ps. mattys not coming home today.
this throws my whole perfectly planed weekend into disarray.
also. non of you are RSVPing for my mothers events.
i in closing. hate you all.
and hope you die in a fire.
[i can hardly believe how not cool my friends are being. i mean i just asked that you stop by and say hi. to this woman who has never done anything but be nice to everyone one of you, even when youre a dick to her. and she constantly offers her house, food, booze to entertain you. invites you over and basically treats you all like family. and if you knew how scarred they are from what ive done to them with my friends before youd know the leaps and bounds that shes made. this woman who would otherwise be alone on her bithday. who deserves to celebrate like that? feeling so unapreciated? gah. im not pointing fingers or anything. im just saying. its not fucking cool. its times like this that you have to question peoples integrity. apreciate what your given is all im saying. ]