I so need to figure this out (watch my show watch my show watch my show march 3 and feb 26)
I think it's funny that Rod tells me (in one way or another and sometimes) that I piss the hell out of him, but he can't tell his bandmates to stop fucking around (in spiteof his seniority). I'm afraid though, that I nag too much at Rod. Even when he's not telling me I'm being a bitch. I'm even afraid that I come off as a know-it-all to my sister, but at least I've learned to stop talking when I need to stop talking.
BUT what really disturbs me is how mean I can come off to my family. I mean, the "clan." It's freaky because I'm sure they know that I'm a well rounded, talented, sociable person, but behind my back (which would mean conversations in their own homes) they might say nasty things about me (which is something I can't help doing when I'm with mom at home). I want to be nice to them, more than I am even trying to. Which is why having friends at family dinners at home helps a lot. Aside from avoiding the karaoke machine (I love doing that with friends, but not with family...it's weird), having other company sort balances my personality. Perhaps even neutralizes me.
Yet most times, when I'm with my family, I feel like every action I do is calculated, like everything I say and do is a thought-out performance. Including being "mean."
BUT what really disturbs me is how mean I can come off to my family. I mean, the "clan." It's freaky because I'm sure they know that I'm a well rounded, talented, sociable person, but behind my back (which would mean conversations in their own homes) they might say nasty things about me (which is something I can't help doing when I'm with mom at home). I want to be nice to them, more than I am even trying to. Which is why having friends at family dinners at home helps a lot. Aside from avoiding the karaoke machine (I love doing that with friends, but not with family...it's weird), having other company sort balances my personality. Perhaps even neutralizes me.
Yet most times, when I'm with my family, I feel like every action I do is calculated, like everything I say and do is a thought-out performance. Including being "mean."