(no subject)
It seems like it's been forever since I've posted...and it probably has been, or at least close to it. I'm finding now that there are a lot of things I could say, and a lot of things I have not said, as well as more things still that I could have done and did not. Firstly...don't expect to see me online for a couple of days. I have tests on Thursday I need to spend my next two days studying for, and I've allowed myself too much leeway in terms of classwork or whatnot, putting it off in thanks to the demands of my procrastinatory habits and general ill will. But I need to get back to that. Years ago I had a work ethic. I could not stand to be beaten academically, would not stand for anything less than an "A." And then I went to ASMS, and found that laziness brings with it "B's," and apparently, in order to cope with that, I told myself that it was okay, that everyone made "B's" from time to time, that there was no harm or fault in simply not being as good as other people.I took that to heart perhaps too much. Rather, I know I did. What was a coping mechanism became an excuse for laziness and my own failures, hidden behind laughter and joviality. I don't like where that has led me now, what I've become for it. I want to reclaim that ethic, that pride, I used to take in myself. I don't know when, exactly, I'd become so accusomed to being not the best that I was content to be not the worst, and I don't like it. I used to be curious about things, I geneuinely enjoyed class because I enjoyed learning, of pushing my ignorance to the side. I've lost that, and it's affecting more than my schoolwork. We're supposed to be grown up now. This is college, and I'm doing what my dad accused me of at ASMS: pissing away my chances, and it's gotten to the point where I've been approached out of class for it by my honors director.
So, before all of you, I state my determination to bring back the person I used to be, before ASMS, at least in part. I'm going to reclaim my work ethic and my health----which, despite my reassurances to the contrary, is still somewhat poor from ill eating habits and bad sleeping habits---- as well as my love for learning. I'm tired of the lazy, flabby, overweight couch potato and internet whore I've become, giving up my time and my future for a shot of virtual high. I'm done. I won't be on the internet again for anythign other than school email checking or perhaps a form of studying until Thursday, so if you have something to say, call me.
And beyond that, expect to see me on a hell of a lot less. I've been called determined and stubborn, and now I'm going to try and take that and make it useful, throwing that determination and stubborness into academia, with regular studying, regular sleeping, and regular gym visits. And I'm also going to return to my old loves----old English literature, writing, and drawing. Perhaps painting. God, when was the last time I played with my canvas and brushes? Two years? More? THough as far gone as i am, it'll probably be a slow process. But, God willing, I'm going to try.
So, before all of you, I state my determination to bring back the person I used to be, before ASMS, at least in part. I'm going to reclaim my work ethic and my health----which, despite my reassurances to the contrary, is still somewhat poor from ill eating habits and bad sleeping habits---- as well as my love for learning. I'm tired of the lazy, flabby, overweight couch potato and internet whore I've become, giving up my time and my future for a shot of virtual high. I'm done. I won't be on the internet again for anythign other than school email checking or perhaps a form of studying until Thursday, so if you have something to say, call me.
And beyond that, expect to see me on a hell of a lot less. I've been called determined and stubborn, and now I'm going to try and take that and make it useful, throwing that determination and stubborness into academia, with regular studying, regular sleeping, and regular gym visits. And I'm also going to return to my old loves----old English literature, writing, and drawing. Perhaps painting. God, when was the last time I played with my canvas and brushes? Two years? More? THough as far gone as i am, it'll probably be a slow process. But, God willing, I'm going to try.