Chapter 14 : Grandma Pays A Visit
[Please do not let Sean read this, yeah?]
Benedict continued to mull over the predicament of coming up with at least RM500 for a 5 day holiday in Malacca with Clara Tan wherever he went. He thought about it in class when he was supposed to be balancing ledgers. He thought about it when he was supposed to be listening to Zohra's rendition of Me Against The Music. He thought about it when he was supposed to be planning the launch of the Airco magazine with Seamus.
"You are supposed to help me with the launch," he stated bluntly to Benedict, when he had forgotten about a public relations meeting.
"I'm sorry man." He meant it. "You know what's happening. Besides, you have Choong Leeng to help you. And you know I don't like hanging around the apartment ever since your grandma came down to visit."
It was true. Seamus's grandmother had driven down to Moonway in a huge Mercedes Benz to visit him. Benedict had no idea why Seamus asked his grandmother to "save money" by staying with him at the Moonway apartments when his grandmother could afford to stay at the presidential suite of the Palace of the Platinum Horses if she so wanted to. Whatever it was, Grandma Lim (as they all called her) was always around and somehow her presence was most disconcerting to Benedict. He always fell into a spate of bad luck whenever she was nearby. Maybe he was just too nervous around the stately woman, but he would misplace keys, drop his contact lens, accidentally use glue instead of hairgel, and so on.
Seamus, of course, wouldn't listen to a thing Benedict was saying. For him, Grandma Lim seemed to be bringing him a whole load of good luck. He was finding loose change wherever he went. Girls were finding him even more attractive than ever (if that was possible). He scored 100% for a biology pop quiz. And ever since Grandma Lim had come to visit, it seemed that everything for the launch was going superbly. There were celebrities calling Seamus up to beg him to let them perform for the launch. Airco suddenly realised that they had a leftover of RM1,000 in the budget which could be used for the launch. And so on.
"I don't see why you need my help anyway. You know I don't like going back to the apartment when your grandmother is around. And your event seems to be going really smoothly..." said Benedict.
"Ok... whatever..." Seamus walked away, a little hurt.
It wasn't just the fact that Benedict's constant insistence that Grandma Lim brought him bad luck that made Seamus angry. It was the fact that Benedict was always hanging around Clara Tan and never had any time for him anymore. Sure, he had other people to entertain him - the supply of girls were neverending. And the new spate of rumours that he was gay was coming round again. It had started when Ben had got together with Clara. People pondered how Ben managed to get such a hot chick whereas Seamus was still single. They didn't mean to disrespect Ben, but that's how the line of thoughts generally go. Of course, Seamus didn't tell anyone the truth.
It went further than the Girl Scouts.
It went further than Ricky at Setapak Curry House.
It was something he could never tell anyone.
You see, the simple fact was that Seamus was a hermaphrodite. Born with an abnormally small penis that one could almost mistake for a normal clitoris, he was ashamed. He overcompensated by being as macho and manly in other areas. Girls who dreamed of having sex with him simply couldn't imagine that he was physically incapable of performing such an act. That's why he had been doubly traumatized by the girl scouts almost-rape. He was more afraid of what they would find out than actually being sexually violated.
The only people who knew about his condition and accepted him wholeheartedly was his mother, father and grandmother. His father was initially quite upset, of course. When Seamus was born, his father had just opened his first laksa store in Penang. The doctors told him that he had a new baby daughter. Mr Lim planned to call her Seamantha Lim. Then they told him it was a baby boy. It was bantered around. It saddened Mr Lim to know that Seamus would never TRULY take over as the man of the house and to overtake his business as the Laksa King of Penang.
That's why Seamus's ambition was to be a plastic surgeon. He swore he would graft himself a 9 inch penis once he was qualified. But was a penis enough to keep him happy for the rest of his life? Was it a penis that he wanted ON him or a penis that he wanted IN him? Maybe the rumours were true! Then he would quickly admonish himself. Think of naked chicks! Think of naked chicks! At the age of 18, his hormones were raging, and his thoughts would turn alternately from Edward Khoo (what strength!) to Lumpy Lock (would kill for that thick hairy hide...).
However, having read numerous "Am I gay?" queries to dilemma columns, Seamus had come to the conclusion that he would merely have to wait and see. He hadn't had any controversial relationships (or any relationships for that matter), and he had other things to think about. Like the launch. He walked towards the publication room to rope in more volunteers for the launch.
* * * * *
Kimchi could've slapped Lumpy. If she could find him. She looked around for the quarter-moose boy, but he was no where to be seen. Instead, an even uglier boy was in front of her. "What the hell are you?!" she asked in a frightened voice, afraid to hear the answer.
"What do you mean 'what'? I'm Lumpy!"
"Lumpy?! You look... REALLY... unfortunate looking!"
And she was right. He looked even more moose-like than ever. The fur on his coat had grown longer and shaggier. His face had elongated even more. He found it difficult to stand on his two legs, and had to resort to walking on all four hoofs. "WHAT HAPPENED?"
"I don't know," replied Kimchi, who had quite forgotten about the kiss. "But Thingy would know. Let's head for the publication room."
* * * * *
"Benedict?"
Benedict looked up and was embarassed to see Joanne in front of him. He did have a conscience after all, and truth to be told, he didn't like doing what he did to her. But apologising to her would mean admitting that he DID ditch her, which until now, was an unspoken affair between them.
"Hey Joanne. Have a seat." He looked up briefly, and then continued pretending to do his law homework while thinking of how to gain money in a short while. Eurene did mention a job he had for Benedict, but the lecherous look he had on his face put Benedict off. He didn't want to know what Eurene had in mind. "Thanks." Joanne sat down opposite Benedict. She crossed her fingers AND toes. This had to work.
"Ben, I know that you and Clara are going for a trip to Malacca. I kind of overheard everything that happened between you and her. I'm sorry. I really did not mean to eavesdrop."
"Oh." He didn't know what else to say. It wasn't anything particularly embarassing.
"Well, you know I've always thought of you as a good friend, right? My idea is for you to stay over at my house in Malacca during the holidays. You can bring Seamus or any other male friend of yours if you're uncomfortable with the idea. My parents don't mind. And both of you will get the guest bedrooms which are really nice and spacious."
It was an unexpected windfall! And how nice of Joanne Ling! He gulped and his eyes bulged. "You're sure Joanne? You won't mind?"
"Of course not. What are friends for, right?"
"Hey, I'll get back to you about it ok? I mean, if there's another solution that doesn't involve bothering you and your parents..."
"My parents won't mind. Neither do I. You know that." She smiled.
Ben was ecstatic. It looked like he and Seamus would definitely be going to Malacca during the one week college break!
* * * * *
Pandemonium reigned in the publication room. At the back of the room, Vivek Vagina was drilling a hole in the wall that separated the Student Cuntcil room and The Pub. It was about 2 inches in diameter, and despite him trying to hide his drilling efforts, everyone saw what he was doing.
"Bastard is trying to cheat on poor Ken Ching again," said Dianne Brah. She was sorting through pictures of the Moonway Ball event for the article. 3 rolls of film and approximately ten dozen 4R pictures lay before her.
"I don't blame him," replied Goldie. "It's just that if I were him, I would cheat with someone much better looking. Hello? He's going for Hoi Loon." Goldie was sorting pictures too, and continuously moaned about the amount of money Edward Khoo sapped out of Airco with his trigger happy camera. Thingy didn't mind because of the unexpected RM1,000 windfall which covered all the expenses of the launch easily.
"What's the point of the hole anyway?" asked Choong Leeng. "If he wants to cheat on Ken Ching, he can just go over to the Cuntcil room. They installed the disco lights from the Moonway Ball recently, and it's got a romantic atmosphere there."
"Didn't you know?" said Goldie conspiratively. "That's how Hoi Loon and Vivek Vagina got caught in the first place."
"In the Cuntcil room?" asked Choong Leeng. She was a little distracted. She just found a picture of her with Ar Lian and Ar Huey rubbing up to her. She quickly swept the picture to the floor and kicked it under the table.
"Well, yeah. Ken Ching rigged spycams all over the place ever since there was even the slightest rumour that Vivek Vagina was seeing Hoi Loon behind his back. By the way, do what you want to that picture Choong Leeng, there's at least 3 other pictures of you here." Deandra waved the three other photos in the air.
"That must suck. I mean, I thought it was Ken Ching who left Vivek for Hoi Loon?" Choong Leeng easily snatched the remainding 3 photos from Deandra and was now scouting for the negatives.
"Admittedly, that IS weird. But what can I say? I think that Vivek was already cheating on Ken Ching with Hoi Loon then. Remember what Vivek said when Ken Ching said he was with Hoi Loon? Vivek said, 'He'll be back, Alan is too big for him anyway.' I mean, how did he know Alan was too big? Unless he got a test run with the goods before...?"
"Enough of your weird theories on Ken Ching, Vivek and Hoi Loon, Goldie," interrupted Thingy. "You can run your weird theories on what happened to my pet brother Lumpy now. (now more pet than ever)" She pointed to the unfortunate creature that had just clomped in with Kimchi.
"WAIT! But what's up with the hole that Vivek Vagina is drilling?!!?" yelled Choong Leeng.
"Just watch him."
With that, Choong Leeng tried to look nonchalant, and continued sorting photos while looking at Vivek from the corner of her eye. Soon, she found out what was going on. Vivek had taken down his pants and hissed something inaudible through the hole. He positioned himself near the hole, and soon the wall separating Airco and Cuntcil was shaking and loud thumps could be heard. After that, Vivek turned around and pressed his butt to the hole. In less than 3 minutes, Vivek was banging his fists against the floor and chewing on the carpeting to stop himself from screaming. Choong Leeng was most captivated. She was staring at him. It wasn't obscene, she couldn't see one bit of Vivek's dangly bits, and she suspected Ken Ching's spycams would only show a weird picture of Alan pressing himself against the wall. Ingenious!
* * * * *
Seamus, Thingy, Kimchi, Lumpy and (now) Goldie were sitting around Lumpy and trying to figure out what had happened. Lumpy had to shamefacedly tell everyone how he had tried to break the curse by getting Kimchi to kiss him.
"So it should work right? You said that your lips touched her lips?" asked Seamus.
"Yeah! I don't understand how I ended up like this! Unless..." Lumpy turned to look at Kimchi angrily. "You're a fraud!! You're not a real princess!! No wonder you didn't tell anyone about being a princess... you knew people would figure out one day or the other! You've ruined my life!"
"Don't be an ass Lumpy. Although, is a moose a relative of an ass? Kimchi is definitely a princess. I've visited her castle in Korea before. So has Wison, so your theory is so outta orbit." Goldie slapped Lumpy for even doubting her or Kimchi. It didn't really hurt because Lumpy's skin was now so thick that it hurt Goldie to slap him more than it hurt him.
"Besides, there was nothing else in the curse put on you that said that you would turn even more moose-like if you didn't kiss a real princess. You must've done something wrong... maybe the curse can detect that you tried to cheat or something... that's why it backfired!" Thingy announced her theory triumphantly. Sean nodded sagely at the theory while Lumpy shook his head.
"That's not fair! It wasn't part of the curse... I mean, that stupid wicked witch should have given me a warning or something. An 'Achtung! Do not try to ram the princess against your face!' or 'Beware! Will turn uglier if you play cheat' warning. Maybe the reason is because we kissed, but there wasn't any TONGUE. HEY KIMCHI, WANNA GIVE IT ANOTHER GO?!?!" yelled Lumpy. This time, it was Kimchi who gave him a kick in the snout with her spiked high heel.
While the lot of them were still talking about Lumpy's predicament, Grandma Lim came down to the publication room to look for her favourite grandchild - Seamus.
"Yooohooooo Seamus dear!" Grandma Lim stepped into the publication room, and was greeted with a shrill, "THERE SHE IS!! THE WICKED WITCH OF THE NORTH!!" Lumpy stood up clumsily and pointed a large hoof into Grandma Lim's face.
Time stood still for Seamus.
"Haha, that's very funny, Lumpy." Goldie looked nervously from Seamus's pale pallor to Lumpy's shaking figure. Grandma Lim looked cooly unconcerned about what had just happened. Kimchi was still confused, and Thingy sat with her eyes closed, deep in thought.
"Take that back! There's something wrong with you and Benedict... my grandmother is a nice woman... don't you dare talk smack about her. Otherwise I'll sink my face... I mean, my fist into your face!"
"Ask her! She gave me this curse!!"
"I did not give you the curse!" blurted out Grandma Lim. "You traded in your looks WILLINGLY for that box of Sailormoon hentai and Digger 3.0!"
"What? You're saying that you ARE the wicked witch of the north?" asked Seamus. "What do you need with the looks of young boys anyway Grandma? Whatever spell you're working on, it isn't working. You still look old, no offense!"
"I prefer to be known as the White Witch of the North... damn young kids love throwing mud on my name."
"BUT OF COURSE... this makes sense!" yelled Loo Thingy. "You took the looks of young boys... not for yourself... but to give them to Seamus! Is that not right? That's why Seamus is so bloody good looking!"
Is Loo Thingy's theory right? Will The (3/4) Moose and the Wicked White Witch Of The North have a showdown? What are Joanne's nefarious plans for Benedict Neo? Will Ken Ching ever find out about the hole in the wall? Find out next week, for sweetness from the sugarcomb!
Benedict continued to mull over the predicament of coming up with at least RM500 for a 5 day holiday in Malacca with Clara Tan wherever he went. He thought about it in class when he was supposed to be balancing ledgers. He thought about it when he was supposed to be listening to Zohra's rendition of Me Against The Music. He thought about it when he was supposed to be planning the launch of the Airco magazine with Seamus.
"You are supposed to help me with the launch," he stated bluntly to Benedict, when he had forgotten about a public relations meeting.
"I'm sorry man." He meant it. "You know what's happening. Besides, you have Choong Leeng to help you. And you know I don't like hanging around the apartment ever since your grandma came down to visit."
It was true. Seamus's grandmother had driven down to Moonway in a huge Mercedes Benz to visit him. Benedict had no idea why Seamus asked his grandmother to "save money" by staying with him at the Moonway apartments when his grandmother could afford to stay at the presidential suite of the Palace of the Platinum Horses if she so wanted to. Whatever it was, Grandma Lim (as they all called her) was always around and somehow her presence was most disconcerting to Benedict. He always fell into a spate of bad luck whenever she was nearby. Maybe he was just too nervous around the stately woman, but he would misplace keys, drop his contact lens, accidentally use glue instead of hairgel, and so on.
Seamus, of course, wouldn't listen to a thing Benedict was saying. For him, Grandma Lim seemed to be bringing him a whole load of good luck. He was finding loose change wherever he went. Girls were finding him even more attractive than ever (if that was possible). He scored 100% for a biology pop quiz. And ever since Grandma Lim had come to visit, it seemed that everything for the launch was going superbly. There were celebrities calling Seamus up to beg him to let them perform for the launch. Airco suddenly realised that they had a leftover of RM1,000 in the budget which could be used for the launch. And so on.
"I don't see why you need my help anyway. You know I don't like going back to the apartment when your grandmother is around. And your event seems to be going really smoothly..." said Benedict.
"Ok... whatever..." Seamus walked away, a little hurt.
It wasn't just the fact that Benedict's constant insistence that Grandma Lim brought him bad luck that made Seamus angry. It was the fact that Benedict was always hanging around Clara Tan and never had any time for him anymore. Sure, he had other people to entertain him - the supply of girls were neverending. And the new spate of rumours that he was gay was coming round again. It had started when Ben had got together with Clara. People pondered how Ben managed to get such a hot chick whereas Seamus was still single. They didn't mean to disrespect Ben, but that's how the line of thoughts generally go. Of course, Seamus didn't tell anyone the truth.
It went further than the Girl Scouts.
It went further than Ricky at Setapak Curry House.
It was something he could never tell anyone.
You see, the simple fact was that Seamus was a hermaphrodite. Born with an abnormally small penis that one could almost mistake for a normal clitoris, he was ashamed. He overcompensated by being as macho and manly in other areas. Girls who dreamed of having sex with him simply couldn't imagine that he was physically incapable of performing such an act. That's why he had been doubly traumatized by the girl scouts almost-rape. He was more afraid of what they would find out than actually being sexually violated.
The only people who knew about his condition and accepted him wholeheartedly was his mother, father and grandmother. His father was initially quite upset, of course. When Seamus was born, his father had just opened his first laksa store in Penang. The doctors told him that he had a new baby daughter. Mr Lim planned to call her Seamantha Lim. Then they told him it was a baby boy. It was bantered around. It saddened Mr Lim to know that Seamus would never TRULY take over as the man of the house and to overtake his business as the Laksa King of Penang.
That's why Seamus's ambition was to be a plastic surgeon. He swore he would graft himself a 9 inch penis once he was qualified. But was a penis enough to keep him happy for the rest of his life? Was it a penis that he wanted ON him or a penis that he wanted IN him? Maybe the rumours were true! Then he would quickly admonish himself. Think of naked chicks! Think of naked chicks! At the age of 18, his hormones were raging, and his thoughts would turn alternately from Edward Khoo (what strength!) to Lumpy Lock (would kill for that thick hairy hide...).
However, having read numerous "Am I gay?" queries to dilemma columns, Seamus had come to the conclusion that he would merely have to wait and see. He hadn't had any controversial relationships (or any relationships for that matter), and he had other things to think about. Like the launch. He walked towards the publication room to rope in more volunteers for the launch.
* * * * *
Kimchi could've slapped Lumpy. If she could find him. She looked around for the quarter-moose boy, but he was no where to be seen. Instead, an even uglier boy was in front of her. "What the hell are you?!" she asked in a frightened voice, afraid to hear the answer.
"What do you mean 'what'? I'm Lumpy!"
"Lumpy?! You look... REALLY... unfortunate looking!"
And she was right. He looked even more moose-like than ever. The fur on his coat had grown longer and shaggier. His face had elongated even more. He found it difficult to stand on his two legs, and had to resort to walking on all four hoofs. "WHAT HAPPENED?"
"I don't know," replied Kimchi, who had quite forgotten about the kiss. "But Thingy would know. Let's head for the publication room."
* * * * *
"Benedict?"
Benedict looked up and was embarassed to see Joanne in front of him. He did have a conscience after all, and truth to be told, he didn't like doing what he did to her. But apologising to her would mean admitting that he DID ditch her, which until now, was an unspoken affair between them.
"Hey Joanne. Have a seat." He looked up briefly, and then continued pretending to do his law homework while thinking of how to gain money in a short while. Eurene did mention a job he had for Benedict, but the lecherous look he had on his face put Benedict off. He didn't want to know what Eurene had in mind. "Thanks." Joanne sat down opposite Benedict. She crossed her fingers AND toes. This had to work.
"Ben, I know that you and Clara are going for a trip to Malacca. I kind of overheard everything that happened between you and her. I'm sorry. I really did not mean to eavesdrop."
"Oh." He didn't know what else to say. It wasn't anything particularly embarassing.
"Well, you know I've always thought of you as a good friend, right? My idea is for you to stay over at my house in Malacca during the holidays. You can bring Seamus or any other male friend of yours if you're uncomfortable with the idea. My parents don't mind. And both of you will get the guest bedrooms which are really nice and spacious."
It was an unexpected windfall! And how nice of Joanne Ling! He gulped and his eyes bulged. "You're sure Joanne? You won't mind?"
"Of course not. What are friends for, right?"
"Hey, I'll get back to you about it ok? I mean, if there's another solution that doesn't involve bothering you and your parents..."
"My parents won't mind. Neither do I. You know that." She smiled.
Ben was ecstatic. It looked like he and Seamus would definitely be going to Malacca during the one week college break!
* * * * *
Pandemonium reigned in the publication room. At the back of the room, Vivek Vagina was drilling a hole in the wall that separated the Student Cuntcil room and The Pub. It was about 2 inches in diameter, and despite him trying to hide his drilling efforts, everyone saw what he was doing.
"Bastard is trying to cheat on poor Ken Ching again," said Dianne Brah. She was sorting through pictures of the Moonway Ball event for the article. 3 rolls of film and approximately ten dozen 4R pictures lay before her.
"I don't blame him," replied Goldie. "It's just that if I were him, I would cheat with someone much better looking. Hello? He's going for Hoi Loon." Goldie was sorting pictures too, and continuously moaned about the amount of money Edward Khoo sapped out of Airco with his trigger happy camera. Thingy didn't mind because of the unexpected RM1,000 windfall which covered all the expenses of the launch easily.
"What's the point of the hole anyway?" asked Choong Leeng. "If he wants to cheat on Ken Ching, he can just go over to the Cuntcil room. They installed the disco lights from the Moonway Ball recently, and it's got a romantic atmosphere there."
"Didn't you know?" said Goldie conspiratively. "That's how Hoi Loon and Vivek Vagina got caught in the first place."
"In the Cuntcil room?" asked Choong Leeng. She was a little distracted. She just found a picture of her with Ar Lian and Ar Huey rubbing up to her. She quickly swept the picture to the floor and kicked it under the table.
"Well, yeah. Ken Ching rigged spycams all over the place ever since there was even the slightest rumour that Vivek Vagina was seeing Hoi Loon behind his back. By the way, do what you want to that picture Choong Leeng, there's at least 3 other pictures of you here." Deandra waved the three other photos in the air.
"That must suck. I mean, I thought it was Ken Ching who left Vivek for Hoi Loon?" Choong Leeng easily snatched the remainding 3 photos from Deandra and was now scouting for the negatives.
"Admittedly, that IS weird. But what can I say? I think that Vivek was already cheating on Ken Ching with Hoi Loon then. Remember what Vivek said when Ken Ching said he was with Hoi Loon? Vivek said, 'He'll be back, Alan is too big for him anyway.' I mean, how did he know Alan was too big? Unless he got a test run with the goods before...?"
"Enough of your weird theories on Ken Ching, Vivek and Hoi Loon, Goldie," interrupted Thingy. "You can run your weird theories on what happened to my pet brother Lumpy now. (now more pet than ever)" She pointed to the unfortunate creature that had just clomped in with Kimchi.
"WAIT! But what's up with the hole that Vivek Vagina is drilling?!!?" yelled Choong Leeng.
"Just watch him."
With that, Choong Leeng tried to look nonchalant, and continued sorting photos while looking at Vivek from the corner of her eye. Soon, she found out what was going on. Vivek had taken down his pants and hissed something inaudible through the hole. He positioned himself near the hole, and soon the wall separating Airco and Cuntcil was shaking and loud thumps could be heard. After that, Vivek turned around and pressed his butt to the hole. In less than 3 minutes, Vivek was banging his fists against the floor and chewing on the carpeting to stop himself from screaming. Choong Leeng was most captivated. She was staring at him. It wasn't obscene, she couldn't see one bit of Vivek's dangly bits, and she suspected Ken Ching's spycams would only show a weird picture of Alan pressing himself against the wall. Ingenious!
* * * * *
Seamus, Thingy, Kimchi, Lumpy and (now) Goldie were sitting around Lumpy and trying to figure out what had happened. Lumpy had to shamefacedly tell everyone how he had tried to break the curse by getting Kimchi to kiss him.
"So it should work right? You said that your lips touched her lips?" asked Seamus.
"Yeah! I don't understand how I ended up like this! Unless..." Lumpy turned to look at Kimchi angrily. "You're a fraud!! You're not a real princess!! No wonder you didn't tell anyone about being a princess... you knew people would figure out one day or the other! You've ruined my life!"
"Don't be an ass Lumpy. Although, is a moose a relative of an ass? Kimchi is definitely a princess. I've visited her castle in Korea before. So has Wison, so your theory is so outta orbit." Goldie slapped Lumpy for even doubting her or Kimchi. It didn't really hurt because Lumpy's skin was now so thick that it hurt Goldie to slap him more than it hurt him.
"Besides, there was nothing else in the curse put on you that said that you would turn even more moose-like if you didn't kiss a real princess. You must've done something wrong... maybe the curse can detect that you tried to cheat or something... that's why it backfired!" Thingy announced her theory triumphantly. Sean nodded sagely at the theory while Lumpy shook his head.
"That's not fair! It wasn't part of the curse... I mean, that stupid wicked witch should have given me a warning or something. An 'Achtung! Do not try to ram the princess against your face!' or 'Beware! Will turn uglier if you play cheat' warning. Maybe the reason is because we kissed, but there wasn't any TONGUE. HEY KIMCHI, WANNA GIVE IT ANOTHER GO?!?!" yelled Lumpy. This time, it was Kimchi who gave him a kick in the snout with her spiked high heel.
While the lot of them were still talking about Lumpy's predicament, Grandma Lim came down to the publication room to look for her favourite grandchild - Seamus.
"Yooohooooo Seamus dear!" Grandma Lim stepped into the publication room, and was greeted with a shrill, "THERE SHE IS!! THE WICKED WITCH OF THE NORTH!!" Lumpy stood up clumsily and pointed a large hoof into Grandma Lim's face.
Time stood still for Seamus.
"Haha, that's very funny, Lumpy." Goldie looked nervously from Seamus's pale pallor to Lumpy's shaking figure. Grandma Lim looked cooly unconcerned about what had just happened. Kimchi was still confused, and Thingy sat with her eyes closed, deep in thought.
"Take that back! There's something wrong with you and Benedict... my grandmother is a nice woman... don't you dare talk smack about her. Otherwise I'll sink my face... I mean, my fist into your face!"
"Ask her! She gave me this curse!!"
"I did not give you the curse!" blurted out Grandma Lim. "You traded in your looks WILLINGLY for that box of Sailormoon hentai and Digger 3.0!"
"What? You're saying that you ARE the wicked witch of the north?" asked Seamus. "What do you need with the looks of young boys anyway Grandma? Whatever spell you're working on, it isn't working. You still look old, no offense!"
"I prefer to be known as the White Witch of the North... damn young kids love throwing mud on my name."
"BUT OF COURSE... this makes sense!" yelled Loo Thingy. "You took the looks of young boys... not for yourself... but to give them to Seamus! Is that not right? That's why Seamus is so bloody good looking!"
Is Loo Thingy's theory right? Will The (3/4) Moose and the Wicked White Witch Of The North have a showdown? What are Joanne's nefarious plans for Benedict Neo? Will Ken Ching ever find out about the hole in the wall? Find out next week, for sweetness from the sugarcomb!