yes, this post is meant to be public.

[sugarcoatedsour]

i want all of you to tell me something.it can be anything. tell me i'm pretty and you love me. tell me about a childhood experience or a lost love. tell me how your day went. tell me something to make me smile. tell me something to let me know you better. even if i know you very well, or even if you have never commented on my journal before. even

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[jizzer]

When I was young, my father, my two sisters, and I would go on "Saturday adventures". We'd hop in our black jeep wrangler and slide through the streets; wind blowing in our hair. I'd always sit in the front next to my dad, and he'd give us all candy. Something small and sweet to suck on.

We'd blast the music, roof off, and laugh and sing. We'd visit parks, have picnics, go to an amusemnt park, stroll through the zoo. Sometimes we'd build igloos together in the winter, or we'd go out and scrub the jeep down in the summer. We'd drink lemonade, or visit Harvard square. We'd go shopping at a big department store and we all got to spend ten dollars each. We'd go to playground and get lunch at McDonalds. We'd rent videos from the movie stores. We'd go to his office and spin around in his swirly chairs.

I remember all of that so vividly. It was because my Dad really loved me. I'm sure he still does now, but it was so different back then. When I was small I could hug and kiss him at lesiure; I could tell him I loved him. We could play, and laugh, and sing. It was, perfect.

Now I hardly see him. If I do, we either don't actually talk, or we argue. He cooks for me to show his affection. And I make fun of him to show him I care. I miss being little. Losing your innocence sucks.

haha, sry if that was too much information.