RYODA FIC: Something (sequel)
Author: sugarbloodlolli
Title: Something
Pairing: RYODA
Genre: Angst/Bittersweet
Rating: PG
Author's Note: A sequel to the one-shot, Nothing. Click here to read. This is written from Ryo's POV after the first part. I want to thankmessyboo again for helping me develop the characters in this story. And this fic is also dedicated to lilly0 as a thank you for writing my request. You guys can read her fic here~! :D enjoy~!
I left Tatsuya’s house with unease and full of frustration. I straightened my shirt as I walked to the elevator, my mind replaying what just happened. I could not wait to get home to shower and sleep. I need a good shower after what happened in Tatsuya’s house. Needless to say, I felt extremely guilty about everything and I could never let it go because of my stupid pride. My stupid stupid stupid pride.
I was brash, sarcastic and prideful. I did not think I was a bad person but with Tatsuya, it always slipped out one way or another. I always get in trouble because of my inability to apologise and that drove Hime further away from me. Every single time I see Tatsuya’s sad face after I made a stupid remark, I got even more frustrated with myself because I did not know how to salvage the situation. At times when I could not find a solution, I would just give up and leave. Be it going out for drinks or parties. Or asking for a ‘break’.
And no matter how many times I escaped or asked for a ‘break’, Tatsuya had always patiently waited for me to come back. I sometimes wonder if I was worthy of Tatsuya’s love. I did not think I had given a good enough reason for Tatsuya to love me that much.
I remembered that day when we broke up. We were on a date after a month of conflicting schedule. I was so happy to see him but my excitement died when he was late.
Flashback
I tapped my foot with impatience and checked my watch again. I grumbled to myself as I looked around for any sign of Ueda Tatsuya. Suddenly, I saw a man with short black hair running up to me, panting heavily.
“Sorry!” Tatsuya apologised, “I got a bit lost.” I rolled his eyes and crossed my arms, staring at the tired man in front of me.
“I don’t want to hear your excuse. You made me wait 15 minutes for you! You should stop wasting my time.” I replied furiously. I could see Tatsuya was taken slightly aback at my tone of voice. He looked down at the ground apologetically and gave a small nod.
“I …I’m sorry…” Tatsuya mumbled. I rolled my eyes at him again.
“Whatever…Come on.” I turned and started walking away. He jogged after me and gave me a smile. Sometimes it annoyed me that he could still smile after all the mean things I said. It was as though none of it happened.
I dragged him to my favourite ramen shop for lunch. Though it looked a bit rundown from the outside, the food was amazing and I wanted to share this experience with Tatsuya. But again, Tatsuya managed to ruin my mood as we stepped in the restaurant.
“Ryo, this place smells.” He whispered while tugging my arm. “Are you sure we are eating here?”
“God! You’re so whiny! Just sit down and stop complaining.” I dragged him over to a table and sat down.
Tatsuya followed suit and sat next to me, wide eyes checking out the interior of the shop. I raised my arm over to the waiter and shouted my order for 2 bowls of Tonkotsu Ramen.
“How did you find this place?” Tatsuya asked.
“My brother brought me here one time and I like it.” I replied.
“A brother…It must be nice having a brother. I only have a sister.” He said with a smile, “Do your family visit you often?”
I stared at him and gulped. We never really discussed our families before. Maybe it was because we knew how taboo our relationship was since most of the older generation were strictly conservative and I was not ready to share details about our family with him.
As for my brother…I sort of hinted to him about me dating someone of the same gender. I could still remember his condescending tone when he talked about Homosexuals. Just thinking about it made my hands started sweaty and I felt anxious.
“Hey…” I looked at him, “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Why?” he asked. Tatsuya blinked and gave me a confused gaze. Again, my frustration and anxiety became too overwhelming and I did what I usually do. I exploded.
“I SAID I DIDN’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. JUST LEAVE IT OK?!” I yelled.
Tatsuya stopped fidgeting with his chopsticks and stared at me carefully. I had a feeling he knew something must had happened between me and my brother by the calm look on his face. He quietly placed his chopsticks aside and crossed his arms, leaning back on his chair.
“Ok.” He murmured.
At the back of my head, I was mentally screaming at myself to apologise to Tatsuya. But my mouth just could not say those words. When our food came, Tatsuya was mindlessly picking on his food and continued to not say anything.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, stuffing my mouth with another piece of braised pork.
“I have no appetite...” Tatsuya replied, his voice so soft that I could barely hear him.
“HUH?!” I exclaimed, “Ah well… more for me~”
I reached out, took a piece of meat from his bowl and ate it heartily, hoping to encourage Tatsuya to eat some of his food. But all Hime did was staring gloomily down at his bowl and aimlessly stirring his soup with his chopsticks.
“What’s up with you?” I demanded while finishing up my ramen.
“Just thinking…”
“Thinking about what?” I asked, not liking the expression on his face one bit. He gave me a sad smile and took a small bite of his egg.
“The last supper…” he replied ominously, more like he was thinking out loud to himself. He shook his head and smiled again. “It’s nothing…”
I rolled my eyes and wiped my mouth, eyes still gazing at my boyfriend with curiosity.
“You’re so weird…” I said, “And girly may I add.”
Tatsuya gave a small smile and placed his cutlery down. His face had a pained expression and something else I could not pinpoint. The atmosphere was strange.
As I went to the counter to pay the bill, Tatsuya excused himself and told me that he would wait for me outside the shop because he was feeling dizzy. Again, I felt annoyed. Thinking that he was being a spoilt brat for not being able to stand the smell of a small ramen shop, I told him that he should just go home if he was being a princess.
However when I stepped outside, Tatsuya was nowhere to be found. I looked around and to no valid, he was not there. It was as though he had completely vanished. I got irritated and took out my phone, quickly dialling his number. It rang a few times before it was disconnected.
I cursed in irritation and called him again. But my call was rejected. I groaned in impatience and ran down the street. He could not have gotten that far, right? I tried sending him messages like, “where are you?” and “Hime! Please call me when you see this.”
Again, nothing.
I was starting to get worry if he was kidnapped or something bad might had happened to him. I scratched my head, wrecking my brain to think of places he could be. I called Tegoshi to ask Kamenashi to try to get a hold of Tatsuya. But in the end, Kamenashi himself told me that Tatsuya did not pick up his phone and he did not know where Tatsuya was.
I felt my heart sank and I quickly ran to Tatsuya’s house, hoping he had gone home. I banged on the door repeatedly, calling his name and begging him to open the door. But there was nothing. My gut feeling told me that he was somewhere else.
Somewhere I could not reach him.
I tried calling him again and again but as the day turned to evening, I realized that my efforts were futile. My phone battery was running low so I decided to go back to my hotel and continued to call Tatsuya. I could not sleep that night; I tossed and turned in my bed as my imagination grew wild. I thought about filing a police report if I could not get a hold of Tatsuya within the next 24 hours. God knows what happened.
Despite having to go back to Osaka that afternoon, I decided to drop by the Jimusho, hoping to see if he was there. As I stepped inside the building, I could feel eyes staring at me. I knew I was handsome, no surprise, but their stares looked…odd to say the least. I headed to the elevator and to my surprise, I bumped into Tanaka Koki.
“Good morning.” He greeted, “How are you?”
“Good morning, I’m fine I guess.” I replied and stepped into the lift with him. I caught him looking at me with…sympathy? I was not too sure but things were very weird today.
“That’s good to hear. I’m sorry for what happened.” Koki said, patting my shoulder. “Take care.”
“Huh?” I replied, confused by what he said. But before I could ask what he meant, Koki got off the elevator and the doors closed.
“What the hell is going on?” I pondered with a frown.
I went to look for Tatsuya’s room but again I bumped into another colleague and friend of mine, Pi. That idiot pulled me into a tight hug and patted my head like I was a small kid.
“Ryo-chan! Are you okay? Is your heartbroken? Do you want to go out and drink your sorrows away?” Pi cooed.
“The hell?” I pushed him away, “What the hell is going on? Tell me! Everyone is acting weird! Why am I heartbroken?! Why is Koki feeling sorry for me?”
I grabbed Pi by his shoulders and looked at him dead in his eyes.
“Pi…what’s going on?” I asked, sounding very pitiful. He looked at me like I was crazy but his amused expression fell when it finally dawn on him that I was fucking serious.
“I heard….You and Ueda broke up yesterday.” He said quietly. I felt my blood boiled when I heard this.
“And… WHO told you this…” I demanded, clenching my fists.
“Errm… well…Tegoshi told me…who heard it from Masuda..who heard it from Maruyama..who Taguchi accidentally told him…and Taguchi heard it from Nakamaru…” Pi explained, “Is it true Ryo? Did you really break up with Ueda?”
I stared at Pi in complete shock. I just could not wrap my head around this situation. Slowly, I pieced the puzzle together and it all made sense. I gave a sarcastic laugh and rubbed my face in disbelief.
“That bastard…if this is true, I really am speechless…” I murmured. “I’m going to find that idiot now.”
I turned my heel and marched straight to KAT-TUN’s changing room. I could hear Pi yelling my name and telling me to stop, but I could not. Every step I took, my anger grew. My heart was broken beyond repaired and my eyes were blinded by rage. I was about to make a right turn towards the room when suddenly, I saw him standing at the corridor alone.
"You fucking coward!” I spat, pushing Tatsuya into an empty room and I slammed my body up against his. Tatsuya gasped from mild surprised and the impacted against his chest. I pinned Tatsuya’s hips down with my thighs, griping my beloved ex-lover so tightly that I thought I could feel Tatsuya’s bones crunch under the pressure.
"Ryo! Please stop!" He cried, flailing his arm while trying to find release. "You're hurting me."
I gritted his teeth in anger and tightened my grip.
“You know Princess, if you want to break it off with me, you should at least tell me. And not let me fucking find out about it from other people!” I spat venomously. "You put on this frail pretty boy façade, all innocent and goodie goodie but you’re not! Do you think that you're still holier than thou?"
“I’m sorry. I know you hate me right now. But please try to listen to me…” he retorted but I did not want to hear any of his excuses.
"Coward!" I yelled before Tatsuya could protest, annoyed by the way Ueda was trying to victimize himself.
The word made him flinch, probably because he had never been called one before.
"Pathetic!” I added with a sadistic smile. "Just like all the other worthless people who I've been with. But at least they were not a spineless coward who didn’t inform me that the relationship was over. You had no guts to breakup with me and still play the victim?! That also makes you a two-face manipulative cunt.”
Tears swelled in Tatsuya’s eyes again, he began to make small whimpering noises. I quickly panicked, realizing I had gone too far.
"Hime, I didn't mean it like tha-"
Tatsuya burst into tears. He turned around and cried softly to himself, chest heavily heaving for air. I felt guilt sank in and reached out for my lover but Tatsuya pressed his hands against my chest and shoved me away in despair
"You win." Tatsuya whispered bitterly. "I'm a coward. I'm disgusting. I’m two-face. I’m spineless. I’m weak and I’m pathetic.”
I felt my heart breaking while listening to Tatsuya’s defeated voice reciting the insults I bombarded at him.
In my sick head, I had always imagined that I would love gloating over Tatsuya when I revealed what a fool he was for letting me go. But now, standing over him while watching Tatsuya collapsed on the floor, crying like a beaten puppy, I could not phantom which part of my being thought I would like this.
"It's over..." Tatsuya rasped in between him breath. 'You can tell everyone that I'm a hypocritical weak cunt. I don't care anymore. I just want you to leave me alone. All the mockery, insults, sarcasm, your coldness...I tried and tried so hard to love you despite everything you do…But I just can’t…take it anymore.”
Tatsuya took a long breath and slowly looked at me, eyes penetrating deep inside my soul.
“I love you so much, Ryo. A part of me will always regret leaving you…but I had to do it for my sake. It is no secret that a lot of people are against us being together…and…I don’t want our relationship to destroy who we are as a person. You’re a good person Ryo. But I don’t think you truly loved me because…you could never treat me properly.”
'Damn him.' I thought to myself as I stepped away from him. No matter how many times I thought about it, I could not find any fault in his words. I had no right to be angry at him.
I took a deep breath and blinked away the tears from my eyes, trying to make sense of this fucked up situation. I knew I was not treating Tatsuya nicely. It was not because I did not want it, it was just….me. I was brash and rough with my words and I was unable to convey my feelings well, which usually ended up with me being an even bigger idiot. But I thought Hime knew who I was…but I guessed...He did not.
“You think I didn’t love you?” I murmured, dropping my entire hard exterior. “Hime…you have NO idea how much I love you. This breakup… destroys my heart completely. I’m sorry…”
I just could not face him anymore so I got up and left. I went on with life and work, mostly keeping myself in Osaka and away from Tatsuya.
It was a week later when Tatsuya contacted me. He left me a message, telling me that he was in Osaka and he wanted to see me. As I stared at his message on my phone, it felt like a ghost from my past was coming back to haunt me. Maybe it was because we never had closure. We did not end it with a clean slate.
I quickly replied, “ok, meet me tonight at my place, 10pm” and dumped my phone in my bag. A part of me felt a rush of adrenaline because I missed him but another part of me dreaded this meeting. I paced my room with my mind preparing for what was going to happen.
When my doorbell rang, my heart jumped. I thought I almost had a cardiac arrest. I walked towards my door and gave a long sigh.
I braced myself for the worst and turned the doorknob…
Title: Something
Pairing: RYODA
Genre: Angst/Bittersweet
Rating: PG
Author's Note: A sequel to the one-shot, Nothing. Click here to read. This is written from Ryo's POV after the first part. I want to thankmessyboo again for helping me develop the characters in this story. And this fic is also dedicated to lilly0 as a thank you for writing my request. You guys can read her fic here~! :D enjoy~!
I left Tatsuya’s house with unease and full of frustration. I straightened my shirt as I walked to the elevator, my mind replaying what just happened. I could not wait to get home to shower and sleep. I need a good shower after what happened in Tatsuya’s house. Needless to say, I felt extremely guilty about everything and I could never let it go because of my stupid pride. My stupid stupid stupid pride.
I was brash, sarcastic and prideful. I did not think I was a bad person but with Tatsuya, it always slipped out one way or another. I always get in trouble because of my inability to apologise and that drove Hime further away from me. Every single time I see Tatsuya’s sad face after I made a stupid remark, I got even more frustrated with myself because I did not know how to salvage the situation. At times when I could not find a solution, I would just give up and leave. Be it going out for drinks or parties. Or asking for a ‘break’.
And no matter how many times I escaped or asked for a ‘break’, Tatsuya had always patiently waited for me to come back. I sometimes wonder if I was worthy of Tatsuya’s love. I did not think I had given a good enough reason for Tatsuya to love me that much.
I remembered that day when we broke up. We were on a date after a month of conflicting schedule. I was so happy to see him but my excitement died when he was late.
Flashback
I tapped my foot with impatience and checked my watch again. I grumbled to myself as I looked around for any sign of Ueda Tatsuya. Suddenly, I saw a man with short black hair running up to me, panting heavily.
“Sorry!” Tatsuya apologised, “I got a bit lost.” I rolled his eyes and crossed my arms, staring at the tired man in front of me.
“I don’t want to hear your excuse. You made me wait 15 minutes for you! You should stop wasting my time.” I replied furiously. I could see Tatsuya was taken slightly aback at my tone of voice. He looked down at the ground apologetically and gave a small nod.
“I …I’m sorry…” Tatsuya mumbled. I rolled my eyes at him again.
“Whatever…Come on.” I turned and started walking away. He jogged after me and gave me a smile. Sometimes it annoyed me that he could still smile after all the mean things I said. It was as though none of it happened.
I dragged him to my favourite ramen shop for lunch. Though it looked a bit rundown from the outside, the food was amazing and I wanted to share this experience with Tatsuya. But again, Tatsuya managed to ruin my mood as we stepped in the restaurant.
“Ryo, this place smells.” He whispered while tugging my arm. “Are you sure we are eating here?”
“God! You’re so whiny! Just sit down and stop complaining.” I dragged him over to a table and sat down.
Tatsuya followed suit and sat next to me, wide eyes checking out the interior of the shop. I raised my arm over to the waiter and shouted my order for 2 bowls of Tonkotsu Ramen.
“How did you find this place?” Tatsuya asked.
“My brother brought me here one time and I like it.” I replied.
“A brother…It must be nice having a brother. I only have a sister.” He said with a smile, “Do your family visit you often?”
I stared at him and gulped. We never really discussed our families before. Maybe it was because we knew how taboo our relationship was since most of the older generation were strictly conservative and I was not ready to share details about our family with him.
As for my brother…I sort of hinted to him about me dating someone of the same gender. I could still remember his condescending tone when he talked about Homosexuals. Just thinking about it made my hands started sweaty and I felt anxious.
“Hey…” I looked at him, “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Why?” he asked. Tatsuya blinked and gave me a confused gaze. Again, my frustration and anxiety became too overwhelming and I did what I usually do. I exploded.
“I SAID I DIDN’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. JUST LEAVE IT OK?!” I yelled.
Tatsuya stopped fidgeting with his chopsticks and stared at me carefully. I had a feeling he knew something must had happened between me and my brother by the calm look on his face. He quietly placed his chopsticks aside and crossed his arms, leaning back on his chair.
“Ok.” He murmured.
At the back of my head, I was mentally screaming at myself to apologise to Tatsuya. But my mouth just could not say those words. When our food came, Tatsuya was mindlessly picking on his food and continued to not say anything.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, stuffing my mouth with another piece of braised pork.
“I have no appetite...” Tatsuya replied, his voice so soft that I could barely hear him.
“HUH?!” I exclaimed, “Ah well… more for me~”
I reached out, took a piece of meat from his bowl and ate it heartily, hoping to encourage Tatsuya to eat some of his food. But all Hime did was staring gloomily down at his bowl and aimlessly stirring his soup with his chopsticks.
“What’s up with you?” I demanded while finishing up my ramen.
“Just thinking…”
“Thinking about what?” I asked, not liking the expression on his face one bit. He gave me a sad smile and took a small bite of his egg.
“The last supper…” he replied ominously, more like he was thinking out loud to himself. He shook his head and smiled again. “It’s nothing…”
I rolled my eyes and wiped my mouth, eyes still gazing at my boyfriend with curiosity.
“You’re so weird…” I said, “And girly may I add.”
Tatsuya gave a small smile and placed his cutlery down. His face had a pained expression and something else I could not pinpoint. The atmosphere was strange.
As I went to the counter to pay the bill, Tatsuya excused himself and told me that he would wait for me outside the shop because he was feeling dizzy. Again, I felt annoyed. Thinking that he was being a spoilt brat for not being able to stand the smell of a small ramen shop, I told him that he should just go home if he was being a princess.
However when I stepped outside, Tatsuya was nowhere to be found. I looked around and to no valid, he was not there. It was as though he had completely vanished. I got irritated and took out my phone, quickly dialling his number. It rang a few times before it was disconnected.
I cursed in irritation and called him again. But my call was rejected. I groaned in impatience and ran down the street. He could not have gotten that far, right? I tried sending him messages like, “where are you?” and “Hime! Please call me when you see this.”
Again, nothing.
I was starting to get worry if he was kidnapped or something bad might had happened to him. I scratched my head, wrecking my brain to think of places he could be. I called Tegoshi to ask Kamenashi to try to get a hold of Tatsuya. But in the end, Kamenashi himself told me that Tatsuya did not pick up his phone and he did not know where Tatsuya was.
I felt my heart sank and I quickly ran to Tatsuya’s house, hoping he had gone home. I banged on the door repeatedly, calling his name and begging him to open the door. But there was nothing. My gut feeling told me that he was somewhere else.
Somewhere I could not reach him.
I tried calling him again and again but as the day turned to evening, I realized that my efforts were futile. My phone battery was running low so I decided to go back to my hotel and continued to call Tatsuya. I could not sleep that night; I tossed and turned in my bed as my imagination grew wild. I thought about filing a police report if I could not get a hold of Tatsuya within the next 24 hours. God knows what happened.
Despite having to go back to Osaka that afternoon, I decided to drop by the Jimusho, hoping to see if he was there. As I stepped inside the building, I could feel eyes staring at me. I knew I was handsome, no surprise, but their stares looked…odd to say the least. I headed to the elevator and to my surprise, I bumped into Tanaka Koki.
“Good morning.” He greeted, “How are you?”
“Good morning, I’m fine I guess.” I replied and stepped into the lift with him. I caught him looking at me with…sympathy? I was not too sure but things were very weird today.
“That’s good to hear. I’m sorry for what happened.” Koki said, patting my shoulder. “Take care.”
“Huh?” I replied, confused by what he said. But before I could ask what he meant, Koki got off the elevator and the doors closed.
“What the hell is going on?” I pondered with a frown.
I went to look for Tatsuya’s room but again I bumped into another colleague and friend of mine, Pi. That idiot pulled me into a tight hug and patted my head like I was a small kid.
“Ryo-chan! Are you okay? Is your heartbroken? Do you want to go out and drink your sorrows away?” Pi cooed.
“The hell?” I pushed him away, “What the hell is going on? Tell me! Everyone is acting weird! Why am I heartbroken?! Why is Koki feeling sorry for me?”
I grabbed Pi by his shoulders and looked at him dead in his eyes.
“Pi…what’s going on?” I asked, sounding very pitiful. He looked at me like I was crazy but his amused expression fell when it finally dawn on him that I was fucking serious.
“I heard….You and Ueda broke up yesterday.” He said quietly. I felt my blood boiled when I heard this.
“And… WHO told you this…” I demanded, clenching my fists.
“Errm… well…Tegoshi told me…who heard it from Masuda..who heard it from Maruyama..who Taguchi accidentally told him…and Taguchi heard it from Nakamaru…” Pi explained, “Is it true Ryo? Did you really break up with Ueda?”
I stared at Pi in complete shock. I just could not wrap my head around this situation. Slowly, I pieced the puzzle together and it all made sense. I gave a sarcastic laugh and rubbed my face in disbelief.
“That bastard…if this is true, I really am speechless…” I murmured. “I’m going to find that idiot now.”
I turned my heel and marched straight to KAT-TUN’s changing room. I could hear Pi yelling my name and telling me to stop, but I could not. Every step I took, my anger grew. My heart was broken beyond repaired and my eyes were blinded by rage. I was about to make a right turn towards the room when suddenly, I saw him standing at the corridor alone.
"You fucking coward!” I spat, pushing Tatsuya into an empty room and I slammed my body up against his. Tatsuya gasped from mild surprised and the impacted against his chest. I pinned Tatsuya’s hips down with my thighs, griping my beloved ex-lover so tightly that I thought I could feel Tatsuya’s bones crunch under the pressure.
"Ryo! Please stop!" He cried, flailing his arm while trying to find release. "You're hurting me."
I gritted his teeth in anger and tightened my grip.
“You know Princess, if you want to break it off with me, you should at least tell me. And not let me fucking find out about it from other people!” I spat venomously. "You put on this frail pretty boy façade, all innocent and goodie goodie but you’re not! Do you think that you're still holier than thou?"
“I’m sorry. I know you hate me right now. But please try to listen to me…” he retorted but I did not want to hear any of his excuses.
"Coward!" I yelled before Tatsuya could protest, annoyed by the way Ueda was trying to victimize himself.
The word made him flinch, probably because he had never been called one before.
"Pathetic!” I added with a sadistic smile. "Just like all the other worthless people who I've been with. But at least they were not a spineless coward who didn’t inform me that the relationship was over. You had no guts to breakup with me and still play the victim?! That also makes you a two-face manipulative cunt.”
Tears swelled in Tatsuya’s eyes again, he began to make small whimpering noises. I quickly panicked, realizing I had gone too far.
"Hime, I didn't mean it like tha-"
Tatsuya burst into tears. He turned around and cried softly to himself, chest heavily heaving for air. I felt guilt sank in and reached out for my lover but Tatsuya pressed his hands against my chest and shoved me away in despair
"You win." Tatsuya whispered bitterly. "I'm a coward. I'm disgusting. I’m two-face. I’m spineless. I’m weak and I’m pathetic.”
I felt my heart breaking while listening to Tatsuya’s defeated voice reciting the insults I bombarded at him.
In my sick head, I had always imagined that I would love gloating over Tatsuya when I revealed what a fool he was for letting me go. But now, standing over him while watching Tatsuya collapsed on the floor, crying like a beaten puppy, I could not phantom which part of my being thought I would like this.
"It's over..." Tatsuya rasped in between him breath. 'You can tell everyone that I'm a hypocritical weak cunt. I don't care anymore. I just want you to leave me alone. All the mockery, insults, sarcasm, your coldness...I tried and tried so hard to love you despite everything you do…But I just can’t…take it anymore.”
Tatsuya took a long breath and slowly looked at me, eyes penetrating deep inside my soul.
“I love you so much, Ryo. A part of me will always regret leaving you…but I had to do it for my sake. It is no secret that a lot of people are against us being together…and…I don’t want our relationship to destroy who we are as a person. You’re a good person Ryo. But I don’t think you truly loved me because…you could never treat me properly.”
'Damn him.' I thought to myself as I stepped away from him. No matter how many times I thought about it, I could not find any fault in his words. I had no right to be angry at him.
I took a deep breath and blinked away the tears from my eyes, trying to make sense of this fucked up situation. I knew I was not treating Tatsuya nicely. It was not because I did not want it, it was just….me. I was brash and rough with my words and I was unable to convey my feelings well, which usually ended up with me being an even bigger idiot. But I thought Hime knew who I was…but I guessed...He did not.
“You think I didn’t love you?” I murmured, dropping my entire hard exterior. “Hime…you have NO idea how much I love you. This breakup… destroys my heart completely. I’m sorry…”
I just could not face him anymore so I got up and left. I went on with life and work, mostly keeping myself in Osaka and away from Tatsuya.
It was a week later when Tatsuya contacted me. He left me a message, telling me that he was in Osaka and he wanted to see me. As I stared at his message on my phone, it felt like a ghost from my past was coming back to haunt me. Maybe it was because we never had closure. We did not end it with a clean slate.
I quickly replied, “ok, meet me tonight at my place, 10pm” and dumped my phone in my bag. A part of me felt a rush of adrenaline because I missed him but another part of me dreaded this meeting. I paced my room with my mind preparing for what was going to happen.
When my doorbell rang, my heart jumped. I thought I almost had a cardiac arrest. I walked towards my door and gave a long sigh.
I braced myself for the worst and turned the doorknob…