Pennsylvania 6-5000!
Big News!
Escalade trucks are the classiest vehicles ever! Four wheel drive. Truck bed. All the amenities of a genuine farm truck, only at a convient inflated price. I say why drive anything else? Such the perfect vehicle for a life of glamour, filled with trips to red carpet events and beef jerkey festivals.
I would like to do the can-can for any and all people who dress up to go to the gym. Nothing looks more attractive, and let me add wholesome, than the sight of running eyeliner and perfectly coordinated, form fitting spandex. Yes people, we have found true progress in today's world. All we need now is everyone to sport skin tight sweatpants, the kind the with elastic at the bottom cutting off circulation to the ankles and all lower extremities.
I have noticed that people are obsessed with getting it right. Like when introducing someone, shaking hands. Looking them in the eye. "Yes ma'am. No Sir." Manners. Traditions. Straightlaced. All such meaningless forms of communication like sign language, as well as other things such as the English language with all its frivolous words. I believe the only true effective means of communication lies in the blasting of one's car horn, say for instance at the idiots who seem to dictate their own ridiculously slow speed limit or at those kiddos in grocery store parking lots on saturday night getting "wasted" off a cold one or two of keystone light, the kind of nasty beer that makes you want to scream and gauge someone's eyes out, quite possibly your own, because it tastes so horrid.
Cut to the chase.
At McDonalds today, I bonded with a religious zealot while getting my shoes shined and scarfing down my Happy Meal. Tasty treats those things are. Tasty treats. While his face was smeared with crisco and he made slurs against Confucius, Buddha and other monumental religious figures, I held back. Freedom to speech? Of course. I decided he had gotten a little too wiley, though, when the topic of the Vatican came up. There was only one thing left for me to do. I got my sledgehammer out. All I have to say is that he got my blood flowing in the wrong direction. Ronald McDonald looked a bit perplexed. I winked at him.
That's about it.
xoxoxoxo
Escalade trucks are the classiest vehicles ever! Four wheel drive. Truck bed. All the amenities of a genuine farm truck, only at a convient inflated price. I say why drive anything else? Such the perfect vehicle for a life of glamour, filled with trips to red carpet events and beef jerkey festivals.
I would like to do the can-can for any and all people who dress up to go to the gym. Nothing looks more attractive, and let me add wholesome, than the sight of running eyeliner and perfectly coordinated, form fitting spandex. Yes people, we have found true progress in today's world. All we need now is everyone to sport skin tight sweatpants, the kind the with elastic at the bottom cutting off circulation to the ankles and all lower extremities.
I have noticed that people are obsessed with getting it right. Like when introducing someone, shaking hands. Looking them in the eye. "Yes ma'am. No Sir." Manners. Traditions. Straightlaced. All such meaningless forms of communication like sign language, as well as other things such as the English language with all its frivolous words. I believe the only true effective means of communication lies in the blasting of one's car horn, say for instance at the idiots who seem to dictate their own ridiculously slow speed limit or at those kiddos in grocery store parking lots on saturday night getting "wasted" off a cold one or two of keystone light, the kind of nasty beer that makes you want to scream and gauge someone's eyes out, quite possibly your own, because it tastes so horrid.
Cut to the chase.
At McDonalds today, I bonded with a religious zealot while getting my shoes shined and scarfing down my Happy Meal. Tasty treats those things are. Tasty treats. While his face was smeared with crisco and he made slurs against Confucius, Buddha and other monumental religious figures, I held back. Freedom to speech? Of course. I decided he had gotten a little too wiley, though, when the topic of the Vatican came up. There was only one thing left for me to do. I got my sledgehammer out. All I have to say is that he got my blood flowing in the wrong direction. Ronald McDonald looked a bit perplexed. I winked at him.
That's about it.
xoxoxoxo