Lost in Time
I haven't felt so lost since the day I left home. It's a horrible feeling...there's really nothing I want to do as a career. I can't see myself staying at ANY job for more than 3-5 years. I've always wanted to be a singer, and now that I've met the guys in Emulsifier it has become a dream that's actually in reach...but now one or two of them are doubting my capabilities to front the band. Singing was the ONLY thing I ever felt half decent at in life...and now I feel very uncertain. AHHHHHHHHH. I'm probably just stressing over nothing, but it feels like when something goes wrong, EVERYthing goes wrong all at once. I'm switching majors...three years into school. I have to pay extra to take another class over the winter break just to keep the scholarships I have, but by doing that I'm using all the "leave" time I have from work. I may not be able to stay at the job I've got because they want me to work 20hrs/week during school, but I'll be taking SIX full time classes next semester and will only be able to work 16 hours (which is still a LOT). The only guys I thought actually believed in me are doubting me. I don't think I'm living in a very safe place, but my lease isn't up until the end of June 2008. I don't know about anything anymore. Instead of studying last night for my most crucial exam which is day, I went to the duck pond to feed a baguette to the ducks...but when I got there it got dark and all the ducks disappeared. I have the worst desire to just go to another country and not come back. Maybe I'll move to France and become a nanny...