As I live and breathe
I'm here. Overwhelmed, anxious, depressed, angsty, manic -- so happy and excited about the future and grateful for my awesome life that at times that I feel I could fly, then I'm near tears or in them, minutes later - but I'm here. Things have just been so hard, so stressful, so busy for so long -- years, really, but especially this year -- I think I finally reached a breaking point, and I'm acknowledging that and letting it be what it is.
It's just so much at once. So many changes. Some of the problems are just in my head, but a lot are external influences... like, although I work hard and make a decent living and should have plenty, money is and has been so tight that it's a constant struggle not to freak out or lose control of our finances. Work is so challenging and chaotic right now that it feels like...like...like I'm trying to learn a complicated new dance move and sing a song I don't know the words to and perform a complicated surgery at the same time while standing on a soapy floor in rollerskates - and of course, the whole time I'm holding my precious and amazing 1 year old daughter in one arm and trying to be the best mother I can. It's impossible to even find a minute to pray for some kind of sanity.
So what's to be done? Fix it, of course. I'm on day seven of my "zero toxins in January" brain and body diet, and it's all crashing in and sweating out...all the awful unwanted thoughts, anxiety, sadness, frustration, and just plain ennui...this ought to be quite a ride. Don't worry, I'm getting help. No, I don't really want to talk about it.
It's just so much at once. So many changes. Some of the problems are just in my head, but a lot are external influences... like, although I work hard and make a decent living and should have plenty, money is and has been so tight that it's a constant struggle not to freak out or lose control of our finances. Work is so challenging and chaotic right now that it feels like...like...like I'm trying to learn a complicated new dance move and sing a song I don't know the words to and perform a complicated surgery at the same time while standing on a soapy floor in rollerskates - and of course, the whole time I'm holding my precious and amazing 1 year old daughter in one arm and trying to be the best mother I can. It's impossible to even find a minute to pray for some kind of sanity.
So what's to be done? Fix it, of course. I'm on day seven of my "zero toxins in January" brain and body diet, and it's all crashing in and sweating out...all the awful unwanted thoughts, anxiety, sadness, frustration, and just plain ennui...this ought to be quite a ride. Don't worry, I'm getting help. No, I don't really want to talk about it.