A SCARLET LETTER?!?!?! But that clashes with most of my wardrobe!
Mortification. It's a feeling I don't often have but right now, I can't help but feel just that.
We all know that I am a lonely and frustrated single girl in a new city with few friends and no romantic prospects of which to speak. This, combined with things like champagne or any type of alcohol, makes me a rather volatile creature. Prone to hormonal rages and inappropriate flirtations, I have been known to get a bit predatory or sometimes just all around too friendly.
Last night I was all around too friendly. I was flirting with anyone and everyone. I was flirting whenever the chance struck. I had no idea that this would at some point be severely misconstrued to a point which can cause the dreaded state of mortification.
I had a lazy Saturday, a dull, lazy, and thoroughly unproductive Saturday. I didn't do anything all day but watch bad television shows on my computer and lounge about. I at some point got out the old oil paints for a bit of creative release, but that was it.
Then Lauren called and said that we were to go out dancing that night. Brilliant. Beautiful. Wonderful. An opportunity to get dressed up, go out, and enjoy an evening. I primped and made myself up to be the sexiest Melissa I could. When Lauren arrived I helped her out to be the sexiest Lauren she could be. We then drank most of a large bottle of champagne and went to Doc Waters to meet up with Lauren's step-dad and his current girlfriend, Olga. We had some drinks and chatted and then parted ways. Lauren and I made our way over to the Alaskan where we met up with Sean and drank tequila shots and talked and laughed. I flirted with Buddy, as I frequently tend to do, I flirted with Sean's co-worker, I tried to make eyes at cute guys and I was having fun. Lauren left at some point in the night and I was still hanging out with Sean, we got bored of the Alaskan and went to the Bergmann to play pool. We got there, played some pool, I drank probably half of his beer, whether he minded it or not. We were flirting a bit, but that is me and alcohol, it happens. The bar closed and I convinced him that we should take a walk. Maybe I very suggestively convinced him that we should take a walk, but he knew that it was suggestive and responded in a way appropriate for something of such a suggestive nature. We went for a walk and really did just walk, and then we sat down by the chess tables and he prodded me to ask him exactly what he knew I would ask. I asked. He answered. We talked. We sat and talked. Nobody ever even said anything about kissing or making out, it was completely unspoken, and un-acted out as well. Nothing happened. We said goodbye, hugged, and went our separate ways home.
On my walk home I realized the state I was in and how it was causing me to flirt with friends' pseudo-boyfriends, flirt with strangers, flirt with people who would normally be of no interest to me... I realized while walking home that I was a lonely and frustrated single girl with nary a friend and not a single lover. I realized also that I don't get enough hugs.
I maybe cried a little.
Then I went home and crawled directly into bed with my dress still on and went immediately to sleep.
I was awoken early by a phone call, an invitation to breakfast with Lauren, on her. I accepted, despite the early hour, once I realized we had things to discuss. We had breakfast, talked of the night's events, and then went on with life. I took the car into the valley today in order to buy India ink, a failed task, and ended up drinking a smoothie, buying Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (for an apparently exorbitant rate) and talked to my mom on the phone. I got home and began reading Harry Potter only to be stopped almost immediately by the ringing of a strange phone. Devin's phone. It was Sean.
I answered, explained that Devin had left his phone, and our conversation ended.
I continued reading but was once more interrupted by a phone call.
Claire.
Sean's pseudo-girlfriend, Claire.
The conversation seemed normal until Claire asked if I had had an interesting or exciting night, something like that. I replied that it was a pretty typical night, had maybe had a bit too much to drink, but nothing exceptional.
"Oh, because you couldn't take Sean home?"
I calmly explained that I had not intended to "take Sean home" and that I had not intended to do anything, really. I will admit that I perhaps had less than puritanical intentions for our walk, but I was thinking maybe we would kiss, not that I would seduce the guy. I had no desire to seduce him. I told her that I was probably more flirtatious than I should have been, but that I was not trying to do anything terrible at all. The conversation broke at this point, it became less accusatory and more the conversation between two girls who have to deal with problems of life and love and lust. She said, "It's fine, he's single, though it seems everyone knew it before him." I don't feel that the conversation ended on the best terms, but I just have to hope that this has not ruined any chance at a relationship with Claire.
I was so unsettled, however, by this turn of events that I couldn't read, I couldn't focus, I couldn't get this sick feeling from my stomach. I put down the book and tried to take a nap instead. Sleep is one of my favorite escapes.
Interrupted once more by a phone ringing. The house phone though. Lauren calling about a dire emergency, Stewart being home without her having cleaned up the messes and the dregs of the "bitchin'" party that was not so bitchin' and really just eight people debating national healthcare. I went and picked her up to drive her to Stewart's to get her things together and on the way she realized I was in a terrible state. She asked me what the matter was and I at first denied there being a problem. I then decided that this was a silly idea and told her about Claire's phone call. Lauren told me that Sean had come in to her work and had said that I had been hitting on him. I was just further appalled. Now, not only was he confessing to almost sins to his pseudo-(ex)girlfriend, he was going out of his way to tell OTHER people that I was a shameless hussy. He also told Lauren that I had a problem with her, which I for the life of me could not remember discussing and could only guess at.
I am in such a rage over this. If Devin's phone were still here I'd take Sean's number and call him and rant at him irately for his stupid acts.
The rant would probably include the following:
1)NOTHING HAPPENED.
2)I was flirting, not raping you.
3)My intentions, while not puritanical, were not what you apparently interpreted them to be.
4)NOTHING HAPPENED.
5)You are as guilty as I am because you knowingly went on a walk with me.
6)It is inappropriate to spread untruths or even partial untruths based on faulty interpretations.
7)While you may be leaving on Monday, I will still be here for another year and would prefer to not be known as a slut, a home wrecker, or other such labels.
8)NOTHING HAPPENED.
9)Who benefited from this being shared and how?
And finally, NOTHING HAPPENED, WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!
Anyway, I think I am sufficiently prepared to read Harry Potter again - best to do it before the spoilers become impossible to avoid.
We all know that I am a lonely and frustrated single girl in a new city with few friends and no romantic prospects of which to speak. This, combined with things like champagne or any type of alcohol, makes me a rather volatile creature. Prone to hormonal rages and inappropriate flirtations, I have been known to get a bit predatory or sometimes just all around too friendly.
Last night I was all around too friendly. I was flirting with anyone and everyone. I was flirting whenever the chance struck. I had no idea that this would at some point be severely misconstrued to a point which can cause the dreaded state of mortification.
I had a lazy Saturday, a dull, lazy, and thoroughly unproductive Saturday. I didn't do anything all day but watch bad television shows on my computer and lounge about. I at some point got out the old oil paints for a bit of creative release, but that was it.
Then Lauren called and said that we were to go out dancing that night. Brilliant. Beautiful. Wonderful. An opportunity to get dressed up, go out, and enjoy an evening. I primped and made myself up to be the sexiest Melissa I could. When Lauren arrived I helped her out to be the sexiest Lauren she could be. We then drank most of a large bottle of champagne and went to Doc Waters to meet up with Lauren's step-dad and his current girlfriend, Olga. We had some drinks and chatted and then parted ways. Lauren and I made our way over to the Alaskan where we met up with Sean and drank tequila shots and talked and laughed. I flirted with Buddy, as I frequently tend to do, I flirted with Sean's co-worker, I tried to make eyes at cute guys and I was having fun. Lauren left at some point in the night and I was still hanging out with Sean, we got bored of the Alaskan and went to the Bergmann to play pool. We got there, played some pool, I drank probably half of his beer, whether he minded it or not. We were flirting a bit, but that is me and alcohol, it happens. The bar closed and I convinced him that we should take a walk. Maybe I very suggestively convinced him that we should take a walk, but he knew that it was suggestive and responded in a way appropriate for something of such a suggestive nature. We went for a walk and really did just walk, and then we sat down by the chess tables and he prodded me to ask him exactly what he knew I would ask. I asked. He answered. We talked. We sat and talked. Nobody ever even said anything about kissing or making out, it was completely unspoken, and un-acted out as well. Nothing happened. We said goodbye, hugged, and went our separate ways home.
On my walk home I realized the state I was in and how it was causing me to flirt with friends' pseudo-boyfriends, flirt with strangers, flirt with people who would normally be of no interest to me... I realized while walking home that I was a lonely and frustrated single girl with nary a friend and not a single lover. I realized also that I don't get enough hugs.
I maybe cried a little.
Then I went home and crawled directly into bed with my dress still on and went immediately to sleep.
I was awoken early by a phone call, an invitation to breakfast with Lauren, on her. I accepted, despite the early hour, once I realized we had things to discuss. We had breakfast, talked of the night's events, and then went on with life. I took the car into the valley today in order to buy India ink, a failed task, and ended up drinking a smoothie, buying Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (for an apparently exorbitant rate) and talked to my mom on the phone. I got home and began reading Harry Potter only to be stopped almost immediately by the ringing of a strange phone. Devin's phone. It was Sean.
I answered, explained that Devin had left his phone, and our conversation ended.
I continued reading but was once more interrupted by a phone call.
Claire.
Sean's pseudo-girlfriend, Claire.
The conversation seemed normal until Claire asked if I had had an interesting or exciting night, something like that. I replied that it was a pretty typical night, had maybe had a bit too much to drink, but nothing exceptional.
"Oh, because you couldn't take Sean home?"
I calmly explained that I had not intended to "take Sean home" and that I had not intended to do anything, really. I will admit that I perhaps had less than puritanical intentions for our walk, but I was thinking maybe we would kiss, not that I would seduce the guy. I had no desire to seduce him. I told her that I was probably more flirtatious than I should have been, but that I was not trying to do anything terrible at all. The conversation broke at this point, it became less accusatory and more the conversation between two girls who have to deal with problems of life and love and lust. She said, "It's fine, he's single, though it seems everyone knew it before him." I don't feel that the conversation ended on the best terms, but I just have to hope that this has not ruined any chance at a relationship with Claire.
I was so unsettled, however, by this turn of events that I couldn't read, I couldn't focus, I couldn't get this sick feeling from my stomach. I put down the book and tried to take a nap instead. Sleep is one of my favorite escapes.
Interrupted once more by a phone ringing. The house phone though. Lauren calling about a dire emergency, Stewart being home without her having cleaned up the messes and the dregs of the "bitchin'" party that was not so bitchin' and really just eight people debating national healthcare. I went and picked her up to drive her to Stewart's to get her things together and on the way she realized I was in a terrible state. She asked me what the matter was and I at first denied there being a problem. I then decided that this was a silly idea and told her about Claire's phone call. Lauren told me that Sean had come in to her work and had said that I had been hitting on him. I was just further appalled. Now, not only was he confessing to almost sins to his pseudo-(ex)girlfriend, he was going out of his way to tell OTHER people that I was a shameless hussy. He also told Lauren that I had a problem with her, which I for the life of me could not remember discussing and could only guess at.
I am in such a rage over this. If Devin's phone were still here I'd take Sean's number and call him and rant at him irately for his stupid acts.
The rant would probably include the following:
1)NOTHING HAPPENED.
2)I was flirting, not raping you.
3)My intentions, while not puritanical, were not what you apparently interpreted them to be.
4)NOTHING HAPPENED.
5)You are as guilty as I am because you knowingly went on a walk with me.
6)It is inappropriate to spread untruths or even partial untruths based on faulty interpretations.
7)While you may be leaving on Monday, I will still be here for another year and would prefer to not be known as a slut, a home wrecker, or other such labels.
8)NOTHING HAPPENED.
9)Who benefited from this being shared and how?
And finally, NOTHING HAPPENED, WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!
Anyway, I think I am sufficiently prepared to read Harry Potter again - best to do it before the spoilers become impossible to avoid.