Damn it, I'm thinking again...
First... update.
Nothing terribly exciting. I think I mentioned bailing on Amelia for the game and watching it at home with the roomies and such. Later that night I changed into bum clothes and lounged around only to remember later that I was supposed to meet Valia, Magda, and Theres at 10 to go to some bar and discuss getting a gift for Przemek... then I found out that Przemek was going to show up too and I thought, "DAMN, why do I look like shit?!?" and I admired his dimples. Valia left a little before midnight and I was feeling kind of hideous and Magda and some other Polish girl were talking and Przemek and Theres were talking.... so I left at midnight and walked back home. Plans are made though, so no worries. I'll just make sure to look cute on Saturday when it really counts.
Slept in late today and then made an omelette for brunch. I washed some dishes... nothing terribly exciting, really. Then I went to class and Alice and I doodled and made faces at each other the whole time. Then I had class with Amelia and Tyler and I made fun of Tyler's shirt, and he liked it, I am sure. He gave Amelia and me some asian rice crispy treats which were very interesting. Amelia and I wrote notes, mostly about sex and/or making fun of people (we are mature like that) and I saw the pictures Amelia has from the game. She has a really good picture of me but she has a normal camera instead of digital... so... blah. Oh well. After that I came home and NAPPED because it was freaking hot. Stupid hot weather. Then I finally made some food around 9. Maybe being too hot to eat is good for me? Ha.
Anyway, about that thinking... I feel like I am utterly abandonable. Again with this. I know. I said that Philipp and I had tried to make plans but he bailed... well, I haven't talked to him since and I am just so frustrated... I should just be finished with it, but his existence can't just be forgotten... and if he does just pop up again... I can't deny that I am attracted and that I will probably still be a sucker for that boy until I leave for good. Which is in about 48 days. Scary. I want the rest of June to go quickly but I want July to go slowly... and I have to do things like PACK and terminate contracts and close accounts and all kinds of shit, it is insane to think about!!! Whoa, tangent. Back to the feeling abandonable... it feels that way because it happens. It was so easy for him to just turn his back. It is so easy for all of them to turn their backs. I know what I am getting into when I get involved with people, so usually it doesn't bother me, I am ready to walk away as well, but this is one of the times when I didn't know that it was that sort of thing and here I am feeling like shit. I know that it will just get worse if I get involved further, but I will feel a little better in another sense... what do I need right now? A second go, or to move on? What do I want right now? I want a second go... Grrrr. Stupid Philipp, reappear, will you?
Nothing terribly exciting. I think I mentioned bailing on Amelia for the game and watching it at home with the roomies and such. Later that night I changed into bum clothes and lounged around only to remember later that I was supposed to meet Valia, Magda, and Theres at 10 to go to some bar and discuss getting a gift for Przemek... then I found out that Przemek was going to show up too and I thought, "DAMN, why do I look like shit?!?" and I admired his dimples. Valia left a little before midnight and I was feeling kind of hideous and Magda and some other Polish girl were talking and Przemek and Theres were talking.... so I left at midnight and walked back home. Plans are made though, so no worries. I'll just make sure to look cute on Saturday when it really counts.
Slept in late today and then made an omelette for brunch. I washed some dishes... nothing terribly exciting, really. Then I went to class and Alice and I doodled and made faces at each other the whole time. Then I had class with Amelia and Tyler and I made fun of Tyler's shirt, and he liked it, I am sure. He gave Amelia and me some asian rice crispy treats which were very interesting. Amelia and I wrote notes, mostly about sex and/or making fun of people (we are mature like that) and I saw the pictures Amelia has from the game. She has a really good picture of me but she has a normal camera instead of digital... so... blah. Oh well. After that I came home and NAPPED because it was freaking hot. Stupid hot weather. Then I finally made some food around 9. Maybe being too hot to eat is good for me? Ha.
Anyway, about that thinking... I feel like I am utterly abandonable. Again with this. I know. I said that Philipp and I had tried to make plans but he bailed... well, I haven't talked to him since and I am just so frustrated... I should just be finished with it, but his existence can't just be forgotten... and if he does just pop up again... I can't deny that I am attracted and that I will probably still be a sucker for that boy until I leave for good. Which is in about 48 days. Scary. I want the rest of June to go quickly but I want July to go slowly... and I have to do things like PACK and terminate contracts and close accounts and all kinds of shit, it is insane to think about!!! Whoa, tangent. Back to the feeling abandonable... it feels that way because it happens. It was so easy for him to just turn his back. It is so easy for all of them to turn their backs. I know what I am getting into when I get involved with people, so usually it doesn't bother me, I am ready to walk away as well, but this is one of the times when I didn't know that it was that sort of thing and here I am feeling like shit. I know that it will just get worse if I get involved further, but I will feel a little better in another sense... what do I need right now? A second go, or to move on? What do I want right now? I want a second go... Grrrr. Stupid Philipp, reappear, will you?