:* Do I do whats right? Or do whats wrong and feels so damn good? *:
Johnny called me at 2 today and woke me up. We talked until 4:45. We talked about everything imaginable. I have never talked to someone who made me have as many emmotions as this boy. He makes me happy, sad, depressed, lonley, loved, pissed, worried..all at the same time. But I love him. I do I really do. He's not happy. At all. He wants to come home. Sooo bad. God, so bad. I need him home. But he cant, thats all there is to it. It's not an option he can't come back. He's got work. He's got school. He swears he's torn apart. I can hear it in his voice. I mean he talks about goin out and doin this or that, but P's not a big city boy. He doesn't belong there. LoL He was talkin about how he drove for hours lookin for some place to go Mud Holin in the Tacoma! Aww. LoL. He was like "Kate, I can't even fuckin find a gravel road to tear up on!" lol. God love it. He told me he wanted me to calm down and work towards my future, and that he'd call me every single day until I had my GED. And when I asked him why it was so important, he said because he wants me to move up there. I know we've talked about it before, but not like this. He's like "I swear it is my one wish for you to move up here with me. We'll get a house, we'll work, go to school, we'll tear it up." And something makes me believe he's real. It's not just bullshit talk. He really wants this. And I love him god I do but I don't know if this is what I want. But who am I to know what I want I can't satisfy myself reguardless. He said over and over how lonley he was and how much he needed me up there. I mean he was begging. Hes like "Kate I'm not hanging up until you tell me you will at least spend every second, nite and day considering this. I need you up here, I'd have everything if you were here." WOW. Its crazy. But see, I dont know what he means. He's like "Yea we'll get a house we'll build a future" But we've never discussed our status. I consider him my "boy" and he's my best pal and yada yada. Should I move all the way there for my "best pal"? What if I'm expecting more than he's willing to give? See now the roles are flipped. Before I wasnt the one ready to commit. I told him 2 let go. And he did. In a way. So now are we back to "friends"? I don't want us 2 be. But I dont wanna ask. Lord have mercy..... I can't move off to Ohio to live. Or can I? Can I do it? He knows I've been looking for an apartment in Lex, and he's like "Yea what do u have there? You have me here, come here, fuck Lex" Blah Blah. And he's almost right. I'm so confused. I know I'd be happy up there but is it the right thing to do? Oh my god Iono. Iono Iono I DONT FUCKING KNOW :(