Promises 5 / 17
Chapter Five
Kara left Laura’s office and looked up and down the rock passageway, trying to remember which way she had come from. She couldn’t, so in the end she shrugged and turned to the left, hoping to meet someone to point her in the right direction.
The passageway opened out into the largest cave Kara had seen so far. It seemed to be used as a cross between a mess and a meeting room - there was a long wooden table obviously used for meals and an area that looked like it was used for preparing food. Crates covered in blankets were dotted around the cave, seemingly used as seats.
At the moment the cave was deserted except for Racetrack, who was sitting at the long wooden table. She looked up at Kara’s approach and smiled.
“Hey, Starbuck. You hungry?”
Kara grinned. “How did you guess? Anything going?”
“Nothing hot at this time of night, but I can probably find something.” Racetrack pulled a face. “I warn you, though, the food here makes the slop they served on Galactica look like a culinary masterpiece.”
Kara laughed and took a seat at the long wooden table while Racetrack went to forage in the ‘kitchen’ area. It was good to see the raptor ECO again. They’d got on well together on Galactica, before that fight they’d had over Helo and Sharon. Even then, Kara had been able to see Racetrack’s point of view, although she didn’t agree with it. Anyway, that all seemed light years ago, after all that had happened.
Racetrack came back with some bread and cold meat. The bread was slightly stale and Kara thought it best not to enquire what kind of meat it was, but she ate it readily enough. She was starving; it had been a long trek back here from where she’d landed.
“Looks like you’re well settled in here,” she said, finishing a mouthful of meat.
Racetrack shrugged. “We do all right. We’ve got fairly self-sufficient after being out here so long. Anything else we need we steal from the Cylons or our people in the town smuggle out to us.”
“Have you been here long?”
“Since the beginning,” said Racetrack. “A lot of people in the town wanted to wait and see how the Cylons treated us, but I knew better than that. Nothing good ever comes from the Cylons. I headed out to the woods with Apollo that first day.”
“Laura said he set all this up?”
Racetrack nodded. “That first day - he didn’t hesitate. Seemed to know exactly what to do. Made sure we got enough ammunition and supplies before we left town to keep us going until we could steal more. He found this place, persuaded people to leave the town and join us. I don’t know what we’d have done without him then.”
Kara finished her mouthful, considering her next question.
“How is Lee?” she said casually. “Laura told me about Dee. That must have been hard on him.”
Racetrack’s face darkened. “It was. Cylon bastards.” She hesitated, looking at Kara. “He’s not been right since, not really. I’ve been worried about him. I must admit I’m glad you’re here.”
“Why?”
“Well, he might talk to you. The two of you were always close, back on Galactica.” Racetrack shifted awkwardly.
Another person who wanted her to get Lee to talk. Kara couldn’t help appreciating the irony. If there was one thing that she and Lee had always sucked at, it was talking. She couldn’t help feeling their faith in her was misplaced. She could tease Lee, argue with him, punch him - but get him to talk about his feelings? They’d never done that; deliberately avoided it, even. It wasn’t them.
“I’ll try,” she said finally, “but I’m not sure I’m the best person. I’ve never exactly been the type for heart-to-heart chats. Isn’t there anyone else?”
“Don’t think we haven’t all tried,” said Racetrack heavily. “But he just tunes us all out. Sits there, hears you out politely, then thanks you and walks off, and you know he hasn’t listened to a word.”
Kara nodded. She could just picture it. There was no-one better than Lee at shutting everyone out when he put his mind to it.
“He talks to Cally,” said Racetrack suddenly.
“He does?” Kara could see that. Lee had always had a soft spot for Cally, ever since they’d been held hostage together on the Astral Queen.
“Yes, for all the good it does.” Racetrack sighed. “Cally’s just as screwed up as he is at the moment.”
“Oh. I could see she’d changed,” said Kara, thinking back to the glimpse she’d had of Cally when she arrived. “What happened to her?”
“Cylons,” said Racetrack bitterly. “What else? One of the first things they did was to round up all the pregnant women. Said they were taking them to a ‘hospital’, to make sure they were taken care of. But when the Chief tried to stop them taking Cally, they arrested him.” She looked up at Kara. “The ‘hospital’ turned out to be a prison, and I’m sure you can imagine what they really wanted.”
Kara could. She shuddered, remembering the farms on Caprica.
“They wanted women who’d proven they were fertile. When Cally’s baby was born, they took it away from her. She never saw it again. Then they tried to impregnate her with a Cylon baby instead, but fortunately for her it didn’t take. We rescued her when we raided the prison to get Lee out, but by then they’d almost broken her entirely. She’s better than she was, but all she can think about is finding that baby of hers.”
Kara pushed her plate away, feeling sick to her stomach.
“Just when you think the Cylons can’t sink any lower-” She couldn’t bear to think what Cally must have been through.
“They can always sink lower,” said Racetrack sourly. “Believe me.” She stood and picked up Kara’s plate. “Finished?”
“Yes, thanks.” Kara yawned, suddenly feeling exhausted. “Is there somewhere I can bed down for the night?”
“We’ll squeeze you in somewhere,” Racetrack said. “There’s not a lot of room - we’re all packed in these caves like sardines. Makes the Galactica bunkrooms look positively spacious.”
“Where does Lee bunk?” Kara asked. That would be one way to corner him and try to get him to talk, like everyone wanted. “I’ll sleep there.”
Racetrack pulled a face. “That’s not a good idea. Trust me, Starbuck, you don’t want to sleep in the cell.”
“The cell?” Kara stared at her. “What do you mean? Lee’s not under arrest, is he?”
“No.” Racetrack looked embarrassed. “It’s just a stupid nickname, because all the people who were freed in the Cylon prison raid sleep there. Lee, Cally, Tyrol, Hot Dog - all the ex-prisoners. No-one else does, though.”
“Why not?” Kara didn’t like the sound of this.
“It’s just-” Racetrack was looking awkward again. “Look, Starbuck, it’ll be better if you find somewhere else to sleep. Trust me.”
“No,” said Kara firmly. “If that’s where Lee sleeps, I’m sleeping there too.”
Racetrack sighed. “Suit yourself. But you won’t sleep very well.”
----
It didn’t take Kara long to discover what Racetrack had meant.
Things were fine at first. Tyrol and Hot Dog welcomed her and dug out some spare blankets. Kara spread them out next to Lee, who was already asleep in a corner of the cave. At least he seemed to be asleep; Kara was fairly sure he was pretending. She’d watched him often enough when he had the bunk opposite hers to know when he was genuinely sleeping and when he wasn’t. She wasn’t going to challenge him on it though, with Cally staring at them unblinkingly from across the cave. It was too public, and she was too tired. She’d work on Lee tomorrow.
She fell asleep fairly quickly, despite the discomfort of the hard ground beneath her and the chill in the air.
It seemed only moments later that she was woken by someone screaming.
She blinked in the dim light of the lantern, trying to remember where she was and what was going on. After a moment, the screams died down into choking sobs. She tried to work out who it was and where the noise was coming from.
Then she heard rustling as someone moved, and Tyrol’s voice, low and soothing. “Wake up, Brendan. Calm down, it’s all right, you’re safe now, you’re here with us-”
It was Hot Dog? Kara swallowed hard. She’d never imagined him to be the type to have nightmares. She pulled her blanket closer around her, listening to his breathing gradually steady as the Chief continued to calm him down, and tried not to wonder what the Cylons had done to him to cause this.
----
The second time she was woken it was Lee who was having a nightmare. He was thrashing around in his sleep and one hand struck her nose, jolting her awake.
She realised what was happening and moved closer, reaching out for him in the dim light.
“Lee-”
He wasn’t screaming as Hot Dog had done, but he was talking in his sleep, low and anguished.
“Make them stop…dear gods, please make them stop…I can’t do this, I can’t-”
“Lee!” She shook him gently. “Lee, wake up! It’s me, it’s Kara, you’re fine now, you’re safe-”
He didn’t seem to hear her. He jerked out of her grasp so violently that she over-balanced and fell back on the hard ground.
She picked herself up, wincing, and crawled back to him. “Lee-”
He was talking again, with a desperation that struck her to the heart.
“Make them stop, please…I can’t bear it…oh gods, Ana!”
His voice rose in volume until he was practically screaming Dee’s name. Kara grasped his shoulders, calling his name, trying to wake him.
She saw that his eyes were open. Wide and blank, they stared right through her.
She shook him again, trying to rouse him, but he didn’t respond. Just kept calling out Dee’s name, over and over.
“Move out of the way, Kara.”
Kara jumped in surprise as she realised Cally was crouched beside her. She’d been so focused on Lee she hadn’t heard her approach.
“It’s fine, Cally, I’ve got him.”
“No you haven’t,” said Cally flatly. “Move aside.”
Kara looked down at Lee’s staring face, and moved aside. Cally leaned forward and slapped Lee across the face, so hard that his head jerked back with the force of the blow.
His cries cut off abruptly and he opened his eyes. He blinked bewilderedly up at Cally for a moment.
“You had another nightmare,” said Cally briskly.
“Oh.” Lee’s hand came up to feel his cheek where she had hit him.
“Better now?” asked Cally, without a trace of sympathy in her voice.
“Yes. Thanks.”
Cally nodded. Completely ignoring Kara, she got up and returned to her bedroll without another word.
“Lee?” said Kara. “Are you all right?”
“I’m fine,” he said, sounding irritated. “Go back to sleep.”
“You don’t sound fine.” She reached out and put a hand on his arm.
“That’s because I’m tired,” he said flatly, shaking her hand off. “Now let’s go back to sleep.”
Kara sighed and gave up. She didn’t want to push it with the others listening in. So she lay silent and listened to Lee’s uneven breathing gradually steady and fall into the regular rhythm of sleep.
Well, now she knew why the former prisoners slept alone, if this happened every night. She wasn’t sure what had shaken her the most - Hot Dog screaming, the unemotional way Cally had slapped Lee as if it was a matter of routine, or the desperate way Lee had called out Dee’s name.
She thought of all the times in the past Lee had been there to help her - when Zak died, when she injured her leg, after her trip to Caprica. He’d always been there, supportive and ready to listen, trying to get her to talk, even when she pushed him away. It had always comforted her, even when she’d pretended to resent it.
Now it was time for her to return the favour. She wasn’t sure she’d be very good at it - she’d never been the comforting type - but she was going to try. She owed him that much.
Kara left Laura’s office and looked up and down the rock passageway, trying to remember which way she had come from. She couldn’t, so in the end she shrugged and turned to the left, hoping to meet someone to point her in the right direction.
The passageway opened out into the largest cave Kara had seen so far. It seemed to be used as a cross between a mess and a meeting room - there was a long wooden table obviously used for meals and an area that looked like it was used for preparing food. Crates covered in blankets were dotted around the cave, seemingly used as seats.
At the moment the cave was deserted except for Racetrack, who was sitting at the long wooden table. She looked up at Kara’s approach and smiled.
“Hey, Starbuck. You hungry?”
Kara grinned. “How did you guess? Anything going?”
“Nothing hot at this time of night, but I can probably find something.” Racetrack pulled a face. “I warn you, though, the food here makes the slop they served on Galactica look like a culinary masterpiece.”
Kara laughed and took a seat at the long wooden table while Racetrack went to forage in the ‘kitchen’ area. It was good to see the raptor ECO again. They’d got on well together on Galactica, before that fight they’d had over Helo and Sharon. Even then, Kara had been able to see Racetrack’s point of view, although she didn’t agree with it. Anyway, that all seemed light years ago, after all that had happened.
Racetrack came back with some bread and cold meat. The bread was slightly stale and Kara thought it best not to enquire what kind of meat it was, but she ate it readily enough. She was starving; it had been a long trek back here from where she’d landed.
“Looks like you’re well settled in here,” she said, finishing a mouthful of meat.
Racetrack shrugged. “We do all right. We’ve got fairly self-sufficient after being out here so long. Anything else we need we steal from the Cylons or our people in the town smuggle out to us.”
“Have you been here long?”
“Since the beginning,” said Racetrack. “A lot of people in the town wanted to wait and see how the Cylons treated us, but I knew better than that. Nothing good ever comes from the Cylons. I headed out to the woods with Apollo that first day.”
“Laura said he set all this up?”
Racetrack nodded. “That first day - he didn’t hesitate. Seemed to know exactly what to do. Made sure we got enough ammunition and supplies before we left town to keep us going until we could steal more. He found this place, persuaded people to leave the town and join us. I don’t know what we’d have done without him then.”
Kara finished her mouthful, considering her next question.
“How is Lee?” she said casually. “Laura told me about Dee. That must have been hard on him.”
Racetrack’s face darkened. “It was. Cylon bastards.” She hesitated, looking at Kara. “He’s not been right since, not really. I’ve been worried about him. I must admit I’m glad you’re here.”
“Why?”
“Well, he might talk to you. The two of you were always close, back on Galactica.” Racetrack shifted awkwardly.
Another person who wanted her to get Lee to talk. Kara couldn’t help appreciating the irony. If there was one thing that she and Lee had always sucked at, it was talking. She couldn’t help feeling their faith in her was misplaced. She could tease Lee, argue with him, punch him - but get him to talk about his feelings? They’d never done that; deliberately avoided it, even. It wasn’t them.
“I’ll try,” she said finally, “but I’m not sure I’m the best person. I’ve never exactly been the type for heart-to-heart chats. Isn’t there anyone else?”
“Don’t think we haven’t all tried,” said Racetrack heavily. “But he just tunes us all out. Sits there, hears you out politely, then thanks you and walks off, and you know he hasn’t listened to a word.”
Kara nodded. She could just picture it. There was no-one better than Lee at shutting everyone out when he put his mind to it.
“He talks to Cally,” said Racetrack suddenly.
“He does?” Kara could see that. Lee had always had a soft spot for Cally, ever since they’d been held hostage together on the Astral Queen.
“Yes, for all the good it does.” Racetrack sighed. “Cally’s just as screwed up as he is at the moment.”
“Oh. I could see she’d changed,” said Kara, thinking back to the glimpse she’d had of Cally when she arrived. “What happened to her?”
“Cylons,” said Racetrack bitterly. “What else? One of the first things they did was to round up all the pregnant women. Said they were taking them to a ‘hospital’, to make sure they were taken care of. But when the Chief tried to stop them taking Cally, they arrested him.” She looked up at Kara. “The ‘hospital’ turned out to be a prison, and I’m sure you can imagine what they really wanted.”
Kara could. She shuddered, remembering the farms on Caprica.
“They wanted women who’d proven they were fertile. When Cally’s baby was born, they took it away from her. She never saw it again. Then they tried to impregnate her with a Cylon baby instead, but fortunately for her it didn’t take. We rescued her when we raided the prison to get Lee out, but by then they’d almost broken her entirely. She’s better than she was, but all she can think about is finding that baby of hers.”
Kara pushed her plate away, feeling sick to her stomach.
“Just when you think the Cylons can’t sink any lower-” She couldn’t bear to think what Cally must have been through.
“They can always sink lower,” said Racetrack sourly. “Believe me.” She stood and picked up Kara’s plate. “Finished?”
“Yes, thanks.” Kara yawned, suddenly feeling exhausted. “Is there somewhere I can bed down for the night?”
“We’ll squeeze you in somewhere,” Racetrack said. “There’s not a lot of room - we’re all packed in these caves like sardines. Makes the Galactica bunkrooms look positively spacious.”
“Where does Lee bunk?” Kara asked. That would be one way to corner him and try to get him to talk, like everyone wanted. “I’ll sleep there.”
Racetrack pulled a face. “That’s not a good idea. Trust me, Starbuck, you don’t want to sleep in the cell.”
“The cell?” Kara stared at her. “What do you mean? Lee’s not under arrest, is he?”
“No.” Racetrack looked embarrassed. “It’s just a stupid nickname, because all the people who were freed in the Cylon prison raid sleep there. Lee, Cally, Tyrol, Hot Dog - all the ex-prisoners. No-one else does, though.”
“Why not?” Kara didn’t like the sound of this.
“It’s just-” Racetrack was looking awkward again. “Look, Starbuck, it’ll be better if you find somewhere else to sleep. Trust me.”
“No,” said Kara firmly. “If that’s where Lee sleeps, I’m sleeping there too.”
Racetrack sighed. “Suit yourself. But you won’t sleep very well.”
----
It didn’t take Kara long to discover what Racetrack had meant.
Things were fine at first. Tyrol and Hot Dog welcomed her and dug out some spare blankets. Kara spread them out next to Lee, who was already asleep in a corner of the cave. At least he seemed to be asleep; Kara was fairly sure he was pretending. She’d watched him often enough when he had the bunk opposite hers to know when he was genuinely sleeping and when he wasn’t. She wasn’t going to challenge him on it though, with Cally staring at them unblinkingly from across the cave. It was too public, and she was too tired. She’d work on Lee tomorrow.
She fell asleep fairly quickly, despite the discomfort of the hard ground beneath her and the chill in the air.
It seemed only moments later that she was woken by someone screaming.
She blinked in the dim light of the lantern, trying to remember where she was and what was going on. After a moment, the screams died down into choking sobs. She tried to work out who it was and where the noise was coming from.
Then she heard rustling as someone moved, and Tyrol’s voice, low and soothing. “Wake up, Brendan. Calm down, it’s all right, you’re safe now, you’re here with us-”
It was Hot Dog? Kara swallowed hard. She’d never imagined him to be the type to have nightmares. She pulled her blanket closer around her, listening to his breathing gradually steady as the Chief continued to calm him down, and tried not to wonder what the Cylons had done to him to cause this.
----
The second time she was woken it was Lee who was having a nightmare. He was thrashing around in his sleep and one hand struck her nose, jolting her awake.
She realised what was happening and moved closer, reaching out for him in the dim light.
“Lee-”
He wasn’t screaming as Hot Dog had done, but he was talking in his sleep, low and anguished.
“Make them stop…dear gods, please make them stop…I can’t do this, I can’t-”
“Lee!” She shook him gently. “Lee, wake up! It’s me, it’s Kara, you’re fine now, you’re safe-”
He didn’t seem to hear her. He jerked out of her grasp so violently that she over-balanced and fell back on the hard ground.
She picked herself up, wincing, and crawled back to him. “Lee-”
He was talking again, with a desperation that struck her to the heart.
“Make them stop, please…I can’t bear it…oh gods, Ana!”
His voice rose in volume until he was practically screaming Dee’s name. Kara grasped his shoulders, calling his name, trying to wake him.
She saw that his eyes were open. Wide and blank, they stared right through her.
She shook him again, trying to rouse him, but he didn’t respond. Just kept calling out Dee’s name, over and over.
“Move out of the way, Kara.”
Kara jumped in surprise as she realised Cally was crouched beside her. She’d been so focused on Lee she hadn’t heard her approach.
“It’s fine, Cally, I’ve got him.”
“No you haven’t,” said Cally flatly. “Move aside.”
Kara looked down at Lee’s staring face, and moved aside. Cally leaned forward and slapped Lee across the face, so hard that his head jerked back with the force of the blow.
His cries cut off abruptly and he opened his eyes. He blinked bewilderedly up at Cally for a moment.
“You had another nightmare,” said Cally briskly.
“Oh.” Lee’s hand came up to feel his cheek where she had hit him.
“Better now?” asked Cally, without a trace of sympathy in her voice.
“Yes. Thanks.”
Cally nodded. Completely ignoring Kara, she got up and returned to her bedroll without another word.
“Lee?” said Kara. “Are you all right?”
“I’m fine,” he said, sounding irritated. “Go back to sleep.”
“You don’t sound fine.” She reached out and put a hand on his arm.
“That’s because I’m tired,” he said flatly, shaking her hand off. “Now let’s go back to sleep.”
Kara sighed and gave up. She didn’t want to push it with the others listening in. So she lay silent and listened to Lee’s uneven breathing gradually steady and fall into the regular rhythm of sleep.
Well, now she knew why the former prisoners slept alone, if this happened every night. She wasn’t sure what had shaken her the most - Hot Dog screaming, the unemotional way Cally had slapped Lee as if it was a matter of routine, or the desperate way Lee had called out Dee’s name.
She thought of all the times in the past Lee had been there to help her - when Zak died, when she injured her leg, after her trip to Caprica. He’d always been there, supportive and ready to listen, trying to get her to talk, even when she pushed him away. It had always comforted her, even when she’d pretended to resent it.
Now it was time for her to return the favour. She wasn’t sure she’d be very good at it - she’d never been the comforting type - but she was going to try. She owed him that much.