[Voice mail]breathingheirNovember 19 2011, 04:59:18 UTC
Hey, Ms. Dolorosa! This is John in case you, um, didn't know.
Okay, there is really no not-awkward way to say this so I will just spit it out! I need fashion help, and since you are the most fashionable person this side of the bubble, I was wondering if you could help me? I kind of have a date. And stuff. Haha.
You check your mail with a tinge of regret--the regret of having not been available to take whatever message was directed at you at the time it was meant to be. What if someone is in trouble? In danger?
Truly, the unknown is the greatest cause of your fretting there ever will be.
Oh, it is the Human John Boy. You listen intently to his mess-- ]
[ Such a thing is nearly alien to you and to think one would not only acknowledge the need for fashion to actually request fashion assistance feels even more alien!
Then you remember that you are, in fact, dealing with an alien.
An alien boy. In need.
Despite having lived so many, many sweeps and having been on so very many adventures, only now do you feel a strange feeling. This feeling...
The point is that there is a child in need and he needs fashion assistance stat.
Not wanting to waste any time, you gather your FASHION EQUIPMENT, leap through the window, and make your way posthaste to Mister Egbert's abode. Soon, you are there.
Oh, goodness, no, dear. There is no way I would make you pay for this sort of assistance. The importance of this matter is far beyond that of necessitating the exchange of currency for goods.
So are you going to take my measurements now? I was thinking of this street tough maverick look. You know, like a dirty wifebeater and maybe a mullet wig?
[ She has no idea what either of those are, but...is that the taste of bile? Is this some sort of natural allergic response to these things she has never heard of before? Regardless, she knows for sure that any clothing associated with a 'street tough maverick' is not suitable date fashion.
She steps in. ]
Yes, taking your measurements may as well be the first course of action so as to get that matter out of the way.
[ He could see it in her eyes; she is having a fashionable epiphany. She might be carefully calculating how to make his suggestion better, like with glitter or something. Who knows how fashion people's minds work? ]
[ He is waiting for that moment where she would stop, mid-measuring his impeccable abs, and say, "A Mullet And A Wifebeater? Good Golly God, That Is Brilliant." To which, he will reply with a humble laugh and say, "haha, i can't take all the credit for the idea -- that would be plagiarism!" Yes. This is exactly what would happen. ]
[ He knowingly wooshes a table away to make space for all the MEASURING they are going to do. ]
Before she takes out her LENGTH-CALCULATING BAND (it was labeled 'measuring tape' at the store for some reason), she is already thinking of what to create. Of course, this being the first time designing something for a human, it may prove to be a bit difficult--after all, what color to use? What do human dates entail? Why does the alien word 'mullet' keep coming to mind and making her ill?
As she measures him, she continues to think. What has she seen in the version FASHION MAGAZINES she has spent some of her free time looking through? She realizes now that, oddly, the area of human women's fashion seems more well-covered than that of human men's fashion. Much to her fretting, she realizes now that she may, in fact, have to totally wing this.
She takes a step back, having finished measuring John.
She looks.
And mulls.
Oh god how she mulls. She is mulling like one has never mulled before. ]
[ John makes a few men, fashion model poses to help with her creative process and, finally, picks up a piece of paper and blue crayon next to the TV. He draws something and hands it to the Dolorosa. ]
Not the outfit--that thing is an abomination and is searing sweeps worth of nightmares into the Dolorosa's eyes every second she spends gazing upon it. Are those holes or are those stains in the shirt? Is he not wearing pants?
Regardless, she does, however, decide on the extremely important matter of color. Blue! Perfect. He is not exactly the blueblood type, but something about the color seems to work for him. Maybe it's the strange pajama suit he is always running around in?
Anywho, she puts the picture down and resists the urge to apply her lipstick chainsaw to it. ]
Measurements have been measured, and color has been decided. But as for the finer details, I must inspect further.
[ She grabs John by the waist and picks him up so that they are eye-level with each other.
[ Do not question the methodology of the exceedingly rare Troll Fashion Designer, John. She must take you in any number of ways before settling on a potential design suitable for you. It could take any amount of ti--
Oh, she's done.
She flips him back around and sets him down. ]
I do believe that I may have concluded as to what I think would be most suitable for your stature and the event in question.
Okay, there is really no not-awkward way to say this so I will just spit it out! I need fashion help, and since you are the most fashionable person this side of the bubble, I was wondering if you could help me? I kind of have a date. And stuff. Haha.
EB out!
Reply
You check your mail with a tinge of regret--the regret of having not been available to take whatever message was directed at you at the time it was meant to be. What if someone is in trouble? In danger?
Truly, the unknown is the greatest cause of your fretting there ever will be.
Oh, it is the Human John Boy. You listen intently to his mess-- ]
Reply
> I need fashion help,
> FASHION HELP ]
Reply
Then you remember that you are, in fact, dealing with an alien.
An alien boy. In need.
Despite having lived so many, many sweeps and having been on so very many adventures, only now do you feel a strange feeling. This feeling...
THIS FEELING... ]
Reply
This is it. Your calling in life.
Well, afterlife.
Whatever.
The point is that there is a child in need and he needs fashion assistance stat.
Not wanting to waste any time, you gather your FASHION EQUIPMENT, leap through the window, and make your way posthaste to Mister Egbert's abode. Soon, you are there.
Knocking desperately. Fervently.
Time is of the essence. ]
Reply
[ When he hears the knocking on their door, he opens it and 8O oh my, who is this fashionable lady. ]
Oh hey, Ms. Dolorosa! Did you get my message?
Also! Do I have to pay you now? Because I spent all of my money on DVD's. I have a paycheck coming in next week, though!
Reply
Reply
[ He gestures for her to come in. ]
So are you going to take my measurements now? I was thinking of this street tough maverick look. You know, like a dirty wifebeater and maybe a mullet wig?
Reply
She steps in. ]
Yes, taking your measurements may as well be the first course of action so as to get that matter out of the way.
[ She says nothing about John's suggestion. ]
Reply
[ He is waiting for that moment where she would stop, mid-measuring his impeccable abs, and say, "A Mullet And A Wifebeater? Good Golly God, That Is Brilliant." To which, he will reply with a humble laugh and say, "haha, i can't take all the credit for the idea -- that would be plagiarism!" Yes. This is exactly what would happen. ]
[ He knowingly wooshes a table away to make space for all the MEASURING they are going to do. ]
I am ready!
Reply
Before she takes out her LENGTH-CALCULATING BAND (it was labeled 'measuring tape' at the store for some reason), she is already thinking of what to create. Of course, this being the first time designing something for a human, it may prove to be a bit difficult--after all, what color to use? What do human dates entail? Why does the alien word 'mullet' keep coming to mind and making her ill?
As she measures him, she continues to think. What has she seen in the version FASHION MAGAZINES she has spent some of her free time looking through? She realizes now that, oddly, the area of human women's fashion seems more well-covered than that of human men's fashion. Much to her fretting, she realizes now that she may, in fact, have to totally wing this.
She takes a step back, having finished measuring John.
She looks.
And mulls.
Oh god how she mulls. She is mulling like one has never mulled before. ]
Reply
( ... )
Reply
Not the outfit--that thing is an abomination and is searing sweeps worth of nightmares into the Dolorosa's eyes every second she spends gazing upon it. Are those holes or are those stains in the shirt? Is he not wearing pants?
Regardless, she does, however, decide on the extremely important matter of color. Blue! Perfect. He is not exactly the blueblood type, but something about the color seems to work for him. Maybe it's the strange pajama suit he is always running around in?
Anywho, she puts the picture down and resists the urge to apply her lipstick chainsaw to it. ]
Measurements have been measured, and color has been decided. But as for the finer details, I must inspect further.
[ She grabs John by the waist and picks him up so that they are eye-level with each other.
Then flips him upside down. ]
Reply
Wow.
Okay.
So this is a thing we are doing now? Okay.
Reply
Oh, she's done.
She flips him back around and sets him down. ]
I do believe that I may have concluded as to what I think would be most suitable for your stature and the event in question.
Reply
So do we get to pick out fabrics now? Or go shopping for clothes? Oh, do we need background music for a montage?
Reply
Leave a comment