Comments | sufferheir: ABSOLUTELY CANON FOR PUPPET WEEK

sufferheir

ABSOLUTELY CANON FOR PUPPET WEEK

Dec 01, 2011 02:44

It was hard, without them. It always was. Some nights he wondered how he'd ever lived alone for so long, after over a perigee of having his friends a hallway's distance off almost all the time ( Read more... )

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psionichax0r December 1 2011, 10:03:24 UTC

Sollux had been searching for Karkat since reset. He didn't come into the biodome much. He didn't really like being in the biodome. As peaceful as it may have been, it reminded Sollux too strongly of the people he'd lost. The real Sollux would have remembered how Terezi had once told him she was afraid she could smell their ashes. The ashes of the lost. This Sollux had no memory of that, but he did know the biodome should be the last place he check on his search. Even as it became more and more obvious thats where the troll he was looking for would be ( ... )

sufferheir December 1 2011, 10:07:01 UTC

Karkat looked up at him only briefly. He knew what this was. Hell, at this point he was half expecting it. He was almost certain that Sollux was there to try to make the whole situation okay again, even though it wasn't.

It took a lot to just not get up and leave. But instead he just hugged his knees and stared back down at the water.

"Hey," he said, deflated with an undertone of low burning frustration.

psionichax0r December 1 2011, 10:10:25 UTC

He took a deep breath. The way Karkat curled in on himself just because of a simple hello. He knew this wasn't going to be easy. He was going to have to explain it to him, and he was going to have to find some way to make him listen, no matter what it took.

"Can I sit down? I need to talk to you."

sufferheir December 1 2011, 10:13:02 UTC

They'd done this so many times by now, Karkat was accustomed to it. He basically already know how this would go. But that didn't mean he couldn't try.

"Sollux, I don't fucking want to talk about this, okay."

psionichax0r December 1 2011, 10:16:02 UTC

"No." he said, and it was rushed. He didn't want to come this far only to loose his chance. "I mean. Please, just. Hear me out."

He play tugged at his shirt, stalling for a moment as he thought of how to put this, looking nervous and unsure.

"I. I talked to TZ. About what happened."

sufferheir December 1 2011, 10:19:07 UTC

Karkat glanced at him, wary of where this was going. He was apprehensive, not out of doubt, but because of the tiniest niggling hope in his chest that he knew he needed to quell immediately.

"Yeah? So what."

As much as his tone tried to shrug it off, there was a desperate look in his eyes that was giving him away. He wanted to hear this, even if he was sure he would regret it.

psionichax0r December 1 2011, 10:25:06 UTC

He rubs his arm awkwardly with his hand.

"We decided. It wasn't.." he hesitates, he looks upset. He studies the ground, and he coughs to clear his throat. "We aren't moirails anymore."

He looks at the river, light of the fake moonlight reflecting off it's surface, the human moon that would look fake to Sollux even if it were real.

"Can I please sit down?"

sufferheir December 1 2011, 10:27:47 UTC

Karkat unfolded slightly at that, out of surprise if nothing else. His eyes went wide with confusion, only to cringe with a sudden, panicked dread.

"What? Fuck, no- Sollux, don't be a moron!"

psionichax0r December 1 2011, 10:33:18 UTC

"I'm not being a moron okay." he said, his tone becoming slightly cold. "We decided it together. She wasn't really talking to me about her problems and I couldn't really help her with them in the first place. I didn't really, feel comfortable bringing my own issues to her. It just. Wasn't working."

And whether he's been invited or not, he finally sits down besides Karkat. Pulling his knees close to his chest and resting his head on his arms. He closes his eyes. He doesn't want to look at things right now. It was too difficult.

"I've done a lot of stupid shit, but I'm pretty sure this isn't one of those times."

sufferheir December 1 2011, 10:37:33 UTC

Karkat was watching him now, a mixture of concerned and frustrated. Like hell if this wasn't something to do with him. Sollux had even admitted that he was what had brought it up! He suddenly hated himself for ever having been so stupid and selfish.

"Yeah well, if that's the case, then what the hell does it have to do with me?"

psionichax0r December 1 2011, 13:32:20 UTC

Sollux still wasn't looking at him.

"It has to do with you because... Because I want you too be my moirail."

sufferheir December 1 2011, 13:38:40 UTC

His eyes widened as he looked at him, his fangs gritting anxiously in his mouth. His heart suddenly felt like it was beating so far, for a moment he couldn't think at all.

But he couldn't do it. Not like this.

"Sollux, no. Fuck. Now, you can't do this because of me. I was just being a whiny asshole, you shouldn't..." He'd left Terezi and it was his fault, this was his fault. He pressed his hands to his head in frustration. "I'm sorry."

psionichax0r December 1 2011, 13:42:05 UTC

"I am not doing this because of you Karkat." he said as forcefully as he could, finally looking at Karkat. "I mean. I am, but its because I can't change how I feel. If I can't stop doing that stuff for you I shouldn't be with anyone else."

"I just pity you too fucking much."

sufferheir December 1 2011, 13:46:55 UTC

And that would have been exactly how Karkat would have argued it had he been questioned on it while it was unattainable, but the reality of it was that he hated the idea that he'd pulled Sollux away from a moirail who was probably a lot more competent than he'd ever be.

Terezi could look after him. Why did Karkat just feel like a burden?

"Sollux..." and it comes out tense and weak, as he buries his head in his arms. "God. You...you don't have to do this."

psionichax0r December 1 2011, 13:51:25 UTC

"Yes I do." he insisted, voice gaining urgency. "You don't understand. Being with TZ makes sense, I love her but, god, I just, I can't stop pitying you and I can't stop wanting to help you and protect you and being what you need and. You might have been drunk that night KK, but I wasn't and for the first time I realized that I. That I couldn't keep helping you like that if I wasn't you're moirail. It wasn't fair to you or TZ, and. I can't stop helping you like that, I just can't, not without feeling like shit and worrying and. Fuck. I even thought of trying to set you up with a moirail so I could just. Tell them what to do to make you feel alright, and that's just so fucking stupid."

He took a deep breath when his rant was done looking away again. He was honestly afraid of being rejected here. Or at least he had to look like he was.

"I don't want it to be someone else either."

sufferheir December 1 2011, 13:58:24 UTC

And his posture unfurled as Sollux spoke, opening to him as he turned to face him, kneeling on the grass. His eyes were wide with worry and fear, but behind that all, there was hope. Hope he hadn't thought he was allowed to have on the topic anymore, or that he shouldn't have allowed himself to feel.

On of his hands wandered forward slightly, but stopped, as he struggled for words.

"Sollux..." he forces out. "I don't...I..."

But he couldn't get it out. He'd wanted this so badly for what seemed like so long and now that it was actually here it almost didn't seem real. Like if he let himself believe it was okay, his chance would disappear.

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