(no subject)
It's been a crazy few weeks.
Over a month ago now, the docotors told my Uncle Colin that there was nothing more they could do for his cancer and that he had about a month left to live.
He was fine, seemed fine. So i didn't beilve them - being that Doctors are kuntfucks.. told my Grandpa that he wouldn't see last Xmas out - And he's still going strong.
Anyway, he went back down on the farm, then became randomly very very sick.
Mum and my Aunty Diane nursed him. Because they didn't want him to spend the last days in hosptital if possbile.
Pretty hardout shit, having to bathe your brother, feed him, all this stuff.
I went down on the Monday.Prob 2 weeks ago now. It was such a fucking shock to see him like that.
I fucking love Colin - he drives me insane... But i really love him. He wasnt married and had no kids.. so he treated me my bro and two other cousins like his own. Spend so much time on his king country farm as a kid. And when he first got cancer and couldnt horse ride anymore he gave me his horse Holly. He used to sit behind me as i geeked it on the computer - and asked 329084623986423 questions about the internet - being a farmer who can't even fucking use eftpos he coudln't understand at all haha.
Anyway. He was so frail and sick it was really sad.
I sat by his bed for a few days and helped out with teh nursing of him.
It was a really intense emotional time. Shed so many fucking tears.
Mum was a fucking mess - her and Colin were like Best Mates, had a very close realationship. She wasn't handling to well and i was glad i could be there for her and Colin too.
On wednesday night the pain got to much, so we had to call the ambulance. I thought that would be the night. He told me "I'm not going to Die today - it's Stuarts Birthday (His brother - my other uncle)."
And he didn't. On Thursday my Brother and Dad came up. Everyone came to the hosptital to say goodbye. More tears. James (my Bro) didn't handle at all. I've never seen him break down like that. I'm glad me and him have such a close good realationship, my 2 cousins hate eachother, and i think that's fucking sad.
We sat outside, smoked a whole pack of ciggies and just chatted and had a cry together.
I've had people very close die to me, Grandmum, Grandad, Wally, Issac. But watching someone die is different. Much different, and fucking hard. A good thing came out of it, Me and Mum are so much closer to Diane, my other uncles wife.
Colin has inspired me so much, he knew he was going to die, and didn't avoid the issue. I could talk to him about it which makes it easier on everyone i think.
He wasn't religous at all. And Mum and me planned his funeral with him. He didn't want Satin lining in his coffin because it was to posh and "towny". So we got them to line it with a old tartin blanket. He wanted to be burried with this bear we gave him when he first got sick.
He had 3047230742 of photos of his farm animals and pets, he wanted us to glue them to hte lid of his coffin so they could be with him. He wanted to be cremated.
He wanted the funeral to be on the farm outside.
He wanted everyone to celebrate his life - not mourn.
He wanted bagpipes played.
He wanted his mates band to play some songs - such as "He's my Brother".
"The road is long.... with many winding turns...."
And Colin got what he wanted.
He died 10.34 Friday Morning.
I wasn't with him when he died, but i had got to say my goodbye.
Mum told me after he died that on the Thursday he had asked her to kill him. He was in so much pain and hte morphine wasn't helping much. He said he knew that she could work out how much would kill him and he asked her to do it. At first.. i was mad at him for such a request. Mum is kinda ridden with guilt over it, because she wanted his pain to go, but she just couldnt do it. She would have gone to prison if she had. When she said she couldn't. He understood.
Dad who is not spirtual or religous in anyway, now kinda is. He said he walked out of hte room briefly, and Colin looked like Colin. When he walked back in, he knew he was dead because it didn't look like colin anymore. He had been dead for 30 seconds at this point. However, you never always know when someone is dead, because they can come back, still be alive just not breathing etc etc. But he said he knew. And he was right.
Colins Funeral was on Tuesday. Evan made it down. James and Karl came, but left straight after.
Huge funeral. 180 people or something insane like that. I'll post somepictures. I cried heaps. Everyone spoke and told stories about Colin. I read a letter i wrote to him the day he died. I might post it up sometime.
I miss him heaps, he was going to spend today with us.
As my friends and family will know, he drove me nutty. But fuck, i love him.
Me and him chatted about Astrology for hours. About Life. About Generations. About the Future. About anything.
I spend billions of time with him when i was a kid, he was my favourite person.
The last time i saw him before he was really fucked up, he gave me drinking advice, and we talked about kissing and such other intimate acts. It was a bit of a laugh really.
Anyway, when he was really sick, Mum and Dad drove him to his lawyers 2 hours away (he lives int he fucking womps on a HUGE farm). He was so sick, yet mished it there, so he could sort out his will for us kids. The fact that he was thinking about us, when he was that ill, is such a testament to him as a person.
Us 4 kids have a trust now, that's worth about 5 million. He has one of the biggest farms in the north island or something. It's pretty isane. I'm set up for life, so will my kids be.. if i ever have any.Its not one of those trusts were i get a certain amount when i turn a certain age. It's more like, all my uni study is paid for - so no student loan for me.
Also, if i get married - HAH.. and me and the hubby go to buy our first house. I wouldnt have to pay for it.Fucking insane.
I'd rather have Colin around tho.
Rest in Fucking Peace.
Much love for you. <3
Dimebags farewell was good.
Wrok do on saturday was great - free piss.. i got slaughtered.
I kinda have a bf - tho i said wait until after New Years. Haha. I told him to have a great night, a random root- whatever. And we'll be properly together afterwards. I just dont wanna worry about having a bf till after that.
It's cool tho. He makes me laugh and happy and stuff. He fucking sweet tho a bit of a rugged kunt haha.
I got over my silly crush on Jesus pretty quick.
I hooked up with him a couple of times lately, and i'm pretty sure i was his first kiss.. haha. Cos it was fucking awful. That and he drives me way to insane. Sending me mixxed messages.
Tells me he likes me, when the night before he told me he likes someone else.
I can't really be fucked. He's not easy going atttttt all.
But yeah, he seemed anti me when i last saw him and was with Damon, acted all shitty with me, when he knows WHERE WE STAND. "Whats wrong man" "Nothing" when clearly there is something fucking wrong.
Left without saying goodbye to me on Saturday night too. Meh. Can't be fucked. I did nothing wrong in that suitation. SORT YOUR HEAD OUT BOY.
But yeah. I'm really happy. Looking forward to seeing mah boy after Ny's.
Had my first smoke of the day about 30 mins ago.. Fucking NO PLACES BEING OPEN ON XMAS.
Today was lame.
Larry is a fuck nutt. He's this 55year old 2nd cousin of mine. Asked me what i wanted to do when i was like 9 years old, then told me i couldn't do it. SUCK MY FUCKING NUTTS. YOU DON"T TELL A 9 YEAR OLD THEY CANT OBTAIN THEIR DREAMS. I've disliked him ever since. It's a long bitter story. Anyway, i'm doing part of what i wanted to do then - radio dj stuff. So eat my fucking ass.
He sniggered at me today, when i was trying to explain to someone about the difference between a degree in media arts majoring in journalism and the national diplomia of journalism, and why it would be benifical to do both. It was hard to explain - i didn't put it in the best most easy-to-understand way and he laughed.
My family that i saw today, are all old, posh and rich. It was boring and lame, and they are all very judgemental. My immediate family is kick ass. But yeah. A un-fun day. And no ciggies to help me through.
I got lack of prezzies, but i didn't expect anything. Mum and Dad gave me a top with a buckle on it, it's black and pretty, they fixxed the car i broke... hahaha.. So i didn't expect anything. James is giving me a couple of joints for Ny's, and he brought me the Nirvana Journals -which i already have. So i'm going to exchange it. Sweet thought tho. I got like soaps and shit like that from extended family. And a plant. I told mum she can have it. I'll just kill it. Mum, Dad, Nan and Oppa liked their prezzies from me. James is still comming from Amazon.com .
I need a ciggie.
Candian guy has been texting me, Nick had to save me from him on Wednesday hahaha. He was talking about putting his penis in my vagina. It was sweet, really.Haha.
We went back to Antons that night, had bucckies, and i got fucking stoned.
I LOVE YOU NICK MY BROTHER <3 HOPE YOUR DADS OKAY XOXOXO
Anyway, tommorow me and Courtney are going for a random drive. All the camping grounds everywhere are all booked out. But we are gunna sleep in my car. Get pot, heaps of alki and mish it to like Whanga. We are gunna stay with Mical at her beach place on Monday and Tuesday night. I don't have work till Wed evening. So it's just tommorow night we have to "ruff it" We're gunna sneak into a camping ground in the morning to have a shower hahaha.
Good shizzle. I'm looking forward to it. Just pissing off, with no major plans.
Oh yeah, me and Mical hooked up heaps on Sat night. me and Pam were mocking Mical and her bf Lee for hooking up lots. So i went over and made slurping noices to put them off. "Your turn Eryn". So we hooked up Again. Ended up hooking up heaps that night. Apparently you can't buy porn like that.
I told Mical to dump Lee for me. Damon and Lee were not keen on that idea hahaha.
But yesm.
We went back to nicks that night and i got home at 10.30am or something. It was a fun night. Argh, Damon's delicous!Cept for the whole hand thing.
He can claim up to $6000 from ACC for Sexual Frustration, because he blew off half his hand.. his "wanking" hand. HAHAHAHAHA. WTF. That's my tax payers money. THATS INSANE. Oh well. He said he'll buy us lots of drugs. So i'm keen. He has to put on the form he's single, so he can still get it for sexual frustation. Nutty fucking bastard.
Oh well
Xmas Sucks. Hope you all had a good one.
I wanted to poke my eye out with a fork.
YAY tommorow i'm going awawy.
Wanna come Marty ? Or you got work?
Cyah
XoXo
Over a month ago now, the docotors told my Uncle Colin that there was nothing more they could do for his cancer and that he had about a month left to live.
He was fine, seemed fine. So i didn't beilve them - being that Doctors are kuntfucks.. told my Grandpa that he wouldn't see last Xmas out - And he's still going strong.
Anyway, he went back down on the farm, then became randomly very very sick.
Mum and my Aunty Diane nursed him. Because they didn't want him to spend the last days in hosptital if possbile.
Pretty hardout shit, having to bathe your brother, feed him, all this stuff.
I went down on the Monday.Prob 2 weeks ago now. It was such a fucking shock to see him like that.
I fucking love Colin - he drives me insane... But i really love him. He wasnt married and had no kids.. so he treated me my bro and two other cousins like his own. Spend so much time on his king country farm as a kid. And when he first got cancer and couldnt horse ride anymore he gave me his horse Holly. He used to sit behind me as i geeked it on the computer - and asked 329084623986423 questions about the internet - being a farmer who can't even fucking use eftpos he coudln't understand at all haha.
Anyway. He was so frail and sick it was really sad.
I sat by his bed for a few days and helped out with teh nursing of him.
It was a really intense emotional time. Shed so many fucking tears.
Mum was a fucking mess - her and Colin were like Best Mates, had a very close realationship. She wasn't handling to well and i was glad i could be there for her and Colin too.
On wednesday night the pain got to much, so we had to call the ambulance. I thought that would be the night. He told me "I'm not going to Die today - it's Stuarts Birthday (His brother - my other uncle)."
And he didn't. On Thursday my Brother and Dad came up. Everyone came to the hosptital to say goodbye. More tears. James (my Bro) didn't handle at all. I've never seen him break down like that. I'm glad me and him have such a close good realationship, my 2 cousins hate eachother, and i think that's fucking sad.
We sat outside, smoked a whole pack of ciggies and just chatted and had a cry together.
I've had people very close die to me, Grandmum, Grandad, Wally, Issac. But watching someone die is different. Much different, and fucking hard. A good thing came out of it, Me and Mum are so much closer to Diane, my other uncles wife.
Colin has inspired me so much, he knew he was going to die, and didn't avoid the issue. I could talk to him about it which makes it easier on everyone i think.
He wasn't religous at all. And Mum and me planned his funeral with him. He didn't want Satin lining in his coffin because it was to posh and "towny". So we got them to line it with a old tartin blanket. He wanted to be burried with this bear we gave him when he first got sick.
He had 3047230742 of photos of his farm animals and pets, he wanted us to glue them to hte lid of his coffin so they could be with him. He wanted to be cremated.
He wanted the funeral to be on the farm outside.
He wanted everyone to celebrate his life - not mourn.
He wanted bagpipes played.
He wanted his mates band to play some songs - such as "He's my Brother".
"The road is long.... with many winding turns...."
And Colin got what he wanted.
He died 10.34 Friday Morning.
I wasn't with him when he died, but i had got to say my goodbye.
Mum told me after he died that on the Thursday he had asked her to kill him. He was in so much pain and hte morphine wasn't helping much. He said he knew that she could work out how much would kill him and he asked her to do it. At first.. i was mad at him for such a request. Mum is kinda ridden with guilt over it, because she wanted his pain to go, but she just couldnt do it. She would have gone to prison if she had. When she said she couldn't. He understood.
Dad who is not spirtual or religous in anyway, now kinda is. He said he walked out of hte room briefly, and Colin looked like Colin. When he walked back in, he knew he was dead because it didn't look like colin anymore. He had been dead for 30 seconds at this point. However, you never always know when someone is dead, because they can come back, still be alive just not breathing etc etc. But he said he knew. And he was right.
Colins Funeral was on Tuesday. Evan made it down. James and Karl came, but left straight after.
Huge funeral. 180 people or something insane like that. I'll post somepictures. I cried heaps. Everyone spoke and told stories about Colin. I read a letter i wrote to him the day he died. I might post it up sometime.
I miss him heaps, he was going to spend today with us.
As my friends and family will know, he drove me nutty. But fuck, i love him.
Me and him chatted about Astrology for hours. About Life. About Generations. About the Future. About anything.
I spend billions of time with him when i was a kid, he was my favourite person.
The last time i saw him before he was really fucked up, he gave me drinking advice, and we talked about kissing and such other intimate acts. It was a bit of a laugh really.
Anyway, when he was really sick, Mum and Dad drove him to his lawyers 2 hours away (he lives int he fucking womps on a HUGE farm). He was so sick, yet mished it there, so he could sort out his will for us kids. The fact that he was thinking about us, when he was that ill, is such a testament to him as a person.
Us 4 kids have a trust now, that's worth about 5 million. He has one of the biggest farms in the north island or something. It's pretty isane. I'm set up for life, so will my kids be.. if i ever have any.Its not one of those trusts were i get a certain amount when i turn a certain age. It's more like, all my uni study is paid for - so no student loan for me.
Also, if i get married - HAH.. and me and the hubby go to buy our first house. I wouldnt have to pay for it.Fucking insane.
I'd rather have Colin around tho.
Rest in Fucking Peace.
Much love for you. <3
Dimebags farewell was good.
Wrok do on saturday was great - free piss.. i got slaughtered.
I kinda have a bf - tho i said wait until after New Years. Haha. I told him to have a great night, a random root- whatever. And we'll be properly together afterwards. I just dont wanna worry about having a bf till after that.
It's cool tho. He makes me laugh and happy and stuff. He fucking sweet tho a bit of a rugged kunt haha.
I got over my silly crush on Jesus pretty quick.
I hooked up with him a couple of times lately, and i'm pretty sure i was his first kiss.. haha. Cos it was fucking awful. That and he drives me way to insane. Sending me mixxed messages.
Tells me he likes me, when the night before he told me he likes someone else.
I can't really be fucked. He's not easy going atttttt all.
But yeah, he seemed anti me when i last saw him and was with Damon, acted all shitty with me, when he knows WHERE WE STAND. "Whats wrong man" "Nothing" when clearly there is something fucking wrong.
Left without saying goodbye to me on Saturday night too. Meh. Can't be fucked. I did nothing wrong in that suitation. SORT YOUR HEAD OUT BOY.
But yeah. I'm really happy. Looking forward to seeing mah boy after Ny's.
Had my first smoke of the day about 30 mins ago.. Fucking NO PLACES BEING OPEN ON XMAS.
Today was lame.
Larry is a fuck nutt. He's this 55year old 2nd cousin of mine. Asked me what i wanted to do when i was like 9 years old, then told me i couldn't do it. SUCK MY FUCKING NUTTS. YOU DON"T TELL A 9 YEAR OLD THEY CANT OBTAIN THEIR DREAMS. I've disliked him ever since. It's a long bitter story. Anyway, i'm doing part of what i wanted to do then - radio dj stuff. So eat my fucking ass.
He sniggered at me today, when i was trying to explain to someone about the difference between a degree in media arts majoring in journalism and the national diplomia of journalism, and why it would be benifical to do both. It was hard to explain - i didn't put it in the best most easy-to-understand way and he laughed.
My family that i saw today, are all old, posh and rich. It was boring and lame, and they are all very judgemental. My immediate family is kick ass. But yeah. A un-fun day. And no ciggies to help me through.
I got lack of prezzies, but i didn't expect anything. Mum and Dad gave me a top with a buckle on it, it's black and pretty, they fixxed the car i broke... hahaha.. So i didn't expect anything. James is giving me a couple of joints for Ny's, and he brought me the Nirvana Journals -which i already have. So i'm going to exchange it. Sweet thought tho. I got like soaps and shit like that from extended family. And a plant. I told mum she can have it. I'll just kill it. Mum, Dad, Nan and Oppa liked their prezzies from me. James is still comming from Amazon.com .
I need a ciggie.
Candian guy has been texting me, Nick had to save me from him on Wednesday hahaha. He was talking about putting his penis in my vagina. It was sweet, really.Haha.
We went back to Antons that night, had bucckies, and i got fucking stoned.
I LOVE YOU NICK MY BROTHER <3 HOPE YOUR DADS OKAY XOXOXO
Anyway, tommorow me and Courtney are going for a random drive. All the camping grounds everywhere are all booked out. But we are gunna sleep in my car. Get pot, heaps of alki and mish it to like Whanga. We are gunna stay with Mical at her beach place on Monday and Tuesday night. I don't have work till Wed evening. So it's just tommorow night we have to "ruff it" We're gunna sneak into a camping ground in the morning to have a shower hahaha.
Good shizzle. I'm looking forward to it. Just pissing off, with no major plans.
Oh yeah, me and Mical hooked up heaps on Sat night. me and Pam were mocking Mical and her bf Lee for hooking up lots. So i went over and made slurping noices to put them off. "Your turn Eryn". So we hooked up Again. Ended up hooking up heaps that night. Apparently you can't buy porn like that.
I told Mical to dump Lee for me. Damon and Lee were not keen on that idea hahaha.
But yesm.
We went back to nicks that night and i got home at 10.30am or something. It was a fun night. Argh, Damon's delicous!Cept for the whole hand thing.
He can claim up to $6000 from ACC for Sexual Frustration, because he blew off half his hand.. his "wanking" hand. HAHAHAHAHA. WTF. That's my tax payers money. THATS INSANE. Oh well. He said he'll buy us lots of drugs. So i'm keen. He has to put on the form he's single, so he can still get it for sexual frustation. Nutty fucking bastard.
Oh well
Xmas Sucks. Hope you all had a good one.
I wanted to poke my eye out with a fork.
YAY tommorow i'm going awawy.
Wanna come Marty ? Or you got work?
Cyah
XoXo