i <3 ny?
lately, i feel so far from home and so far from familiarity. this place feels nothing like how i remember the first semester. initially, i adjusted so easily and did not care about what i had left behind. but this semester has been alittle harder, even though i still love marist, i find that more and more i miss my life back home. there is absolutely nothing wrong with school, infact, i could not be happier with this aspect. but it seems that i can't find it within myself to accept that high school is over, and it's time for me to move away from my parents. there are days when i'm on the verge of tears, or i am in tears, and i don't even know why.
lately there have been alot of issues here that i've had to deal with, and taking on someone elses problems on top of my own certainly does not make things easier. somedays, i wish i could be like everyone else and just tell people i have a problem with being away from home, but i don't want people to feel sorry for me. so i don't say anything. i hate pretending i'm something that i'm not, but right now, that seems to be the only option.
things will inevitably get better. i just have to let them. i asked my mom to come visit me during her february vacation from school, but she pretty much told me that she didn't want to drive all the way out to new york as part of her vacation time. i didn't dare tell her anything of this, or how i feel, because i know how she would react, and it wouldn't be good. while it would get her out here, it would be for all the wrong reasons, and i can get along with her just fine. i dont want her to worry. i guess part of this is my fault because i almost assumed that she would come out to visit me, and got my hopes up alittle. i never want to tell my mom that i'm homesick, i saw what she delt with when my sister had a hard adjustment at union, so i'd just assume deal with this myself.
im fine, really. i am.
lately there have been alot of issues here that i've had to deal with, and taking on someone elses problems on top of my own certainly does not make things easier. somedays, i wish i could be like everyone else and just tell people i have a problem with being away from home, but i don't want people to feel sorry for me. so i don't say anything. i hate pretending i'm something that i'm not, but right now, that seems to be the only option.
things will inevitably get better. i just have to let them. i asked my mom to come visit me during her february vacation from school, but she pretty much told me that she didn't want to drive all the way out to new york as part of her vacation time. i didn't dare tell her anything of this, or how i feel, because i know how she would react, and it wouldn't be good. while it would get her out here, it would be for all the wrong reasons, and i can get along with her just fine. i dont want her to worry. i guess part of this is my fault because i almost assumed that she would come out to visit me, and got my hopes up alittle. i never want to tell my mom that i'm homesick, i saw what she delt with when my sister had a hard adjustment at union, so i'd just assume deal with this myself.
im fine, really. i am.