(no subject)
i think i should start keeping a daily paper journal, if only to record the cyclical nature of my mood swings.
i've been achey and tired and moody for the past week or so, but not too badly. then suddenly, i'm both aloof and clingy, i stop talking and mutter "nothing" when asked what's wrong, my limbs feel incredibly heavy and clumsy, i'm irritated to the point of tears at everything, and nothing tastes good. not even curly fries.
i keep randomly crying. i don't even feel sad in my body, just in my head. i'm used to sadness rising up in waves that start at my xyphoid process, travel up my throat, leave shockwaves of nausea in my belly, and push tears from my eyes. this is a completely different feeling. my body is a lump of clay, my throat and mouth feel constantly dry. my head has been drained of intelligence and personality and filled up instead with water. i can practically feel it sloshing around in my skull. i am tired and grouchy and red-eyed and the fact that i feel like this for no apparent reason makes me even angrier and more nervous.
i don't know why it happens, or when it started happening, or how often it happens, just that it does and it seems to do so according to a pattern that is not terribly consistent with my menstrual cycle, so i'm fairly sure it isn't just pms. even if it is, pms is nothing to sneeze at.
i'm thinking about going back to my counselor (i stopped going in december). fortunately one of my classes offers extra credit for seeing a counselor. rad.
[edited to add: as much as my housemates sometimes get on my nerves, michelle just came in, offered to take me to the grocery store, let me cry for a minute, and then sat on the bed with me and looked at pictures of celebrities while dylan named them. for the record, he thinks i look like angela jolie and that michelle looks like lindsay lohan.]
i've been achey and tired and moody for the past week or so, but not too badly. then suddenly, i'm both aloof and clingy, i stop talking and mutter "nothing" when asked what's wrong, my limbs feel incredibly heavy and clumsy, i'm irritated to the point of tears at everything, and nothing tastes good. not even curly fries.
i keep randomly crying. i don't even feel sad in my body, just in my head. i'm used to sadness rising up in waves that start at my xyphoid process, travel up my throat, leave shockwaves of nausea in my belly, and push tears from my eyes. this is a completely different feeling. my body is a lump of clay, my throat and mouth feel constantly dry. my head has been drained of intelligence and personality and filled up instead with water. i can practically feel it sloshing around in my skull. i am tired and grouchy and red-eyed and the fact that i feel like this for no apparent reason makes me even angrier and more nervous.
i don't know why it happens, or when it started happening, or how often it happens, just that it does and it seems to do so according to a pattern that is not terribly consistent with my menstrual cycle, so i'm fairly sure it isn't just pms. even if it is, pms is nothing to sneeze at.
i'm thinking about going back to my counselor (i stopped going in december). fortunately one of my classes offers extra credit for seeing a counselor. rad.
[edited to add: as much as my housemates sometimes get on my nerves, michelle just came in, offered to take me to the grocery store, let me cry for a minute, and then sat on the bed with me and looked at pictures of celebrities while dylan named them. for the record, he thinks i look like angela jolie and that michelle looks like lindsay lohan.]