Bad Monday
Today was a bad day.
I have always had a problem with food, for as long as I can remember. Some people cut when they are depressed, I eat. I started relying on food, which was never a good idea. I now have a ton of issues, and food is the solution for some but cause of many others. Which sucks. Because rather than just solving one problem, I have a whole handful of problems to try and fix. And that is before I do anything to try and actually make a positive difference with my life.
It is hard though. I suppose that any change is. My mum said something silly to me earlier, about the way I was eating. Something really silly, and said without thinking, but it bothered me. At this time of year, everything is about diets, and I am nowhere near sorting out my issues with food. So when I hear something negative that relates to me and food, it fucking hurts me. I don't know why, but it does. It is becoming increasingly harder to try and not allow myself to get wound up by this stuff. If I could get away with surviving without having to deal with food at all, I feel a lot of my issues would be resolved.
I had a rant over on my Wordpress earlier, feel free to check it out. I just opened the first blogging site I came to, which was Wordpress, and I had a bit of a rant. Tried to keep a point, but I think I rambled. I felt like utter crap, but I am glad I wrote it. I am sharing more and more over there, but I still feel like this blog is a place were I can be a bit more personal about stuff. It might not come across like that sometimes, but it is. And I like that. I find it hard to actually confide in people, so writing a post is theraputic for me.
As shitty as I feel right now, I got through the day. And that is a positive. So yay! (Although I don't feel very 'yay'.) I am now sitting my my pants, on my bed, watching PLL. Just trying to comfortable and watch something that I can get 'into'. I'd say normal TV would have the answer, but it is crap. Apart from Deutcschland '83, but that is only on once a week. Damn Netflix has spoilt me.
I have always had a problem with food, for as long as I can remember. Some people cut when they are depressed, I eat. I started relying on food, which was never a good idea. I now have a ton of issues, and food is the solution for some but cause of many others. Which sucks. Because rather than just solving one problem, I have a whole handful of problems to try and fix. And that is before I do anything to try and actually make a positive difference with my life.
It is hard though. I suppose that any change is. My mum said something silly to me earlier, about the way I was eating. Something really silly, and said without thinking, but it bothered me. At this time of year, everything is about diets, and I am nowhere near sorting out my issues with food. So when I hear something negative that relates to me and food, it fucking hurts me. I don't know why, but it does. It is becoming increasingly harder to try and not allow myself to get wound up by this stuff. If I could get away with surviving without having to deal with food at all, I feel a lot of my issues would be resolved.
I had a rant over on my Wordpress earlier, feel free to check it out. I just opened the first blogging site I came to, which was Wordpress, and I had a bit of a rant. Tried to keep a point, but I think I rambled. I felt like utter crap, but I am glad I wrote it. I am sharing more and more over there, but I still feel like this blog is a place were I can be a bit more personal about stuff. It might not come across like that sometimes, but it is. And I like that. I find it hard to actually confide in people, so writing a post is theraputic for me.
As shitty as I feel right now, I got through the day. And that is a positive. So yay! (Although I don't feel very 'yay'.) I am now sitting my my pants, on my bed, watching PLL. Just trying to comfortable and watch something that I can get 'into'. I'd say normal TV would have the answer, but it is crap. Apart from Deutcschland '83, but that is only on once a week. Damn Netflix has spoilt me.