*sigh*
Life has a way of being a mixed bag, and me being me, is very good at squishing it all into a big miserable pulp of misery. I really am awful at finding the positive of any situation.
The reason I am being like this is because I have been very anti-social. In that I force myself to go out, but i just want to hide in bed. Someone said to me this week that this is a good thing, that I don't let my emotions rule what I do. But wanting to curl up and cry when instead I am faking a laugh to a joke I never really listened to. I do believe that sometimes forcing a smile can genuinely lift your mood. And it does, I have ended up in fits of laughter all because i pretended I was happy, and people feed off that and genuinely helped shift my mood. But sometimes, it makes me feel worse. Like I am a failure for not being happy that I am alive and that I am so selfish. And the familiar path of berating myself via inner monologues starts.
It's not good.
But today I forced myself to go outside, and get into town. To meet a friend for a coffee to try and make us both feel better, as he is struggling too. I don't think it really helped me, to be honest. But I did some looking at jogging bottoms, cause I am going to start running I think. I need a hobby that gets me moving, and I have been told that running is really motivating when you get into it. I have also read that regular exercise can help your mind, so I'll hope that is true.
Hope everyone out there in LJ-land is well. The iOS app has updated again, and seems to be working, so hooray. Xx
The reason I am being like this is because I have been very anti-social. In that I force myself to go out, but i just want to hide in bed. Someone said to me this week that this is a good thing, that I don't let my emotions rule what I do. But wanting to curl up and cry when instead I am faking a laugh to a joke I never really listened to. I do believe that sometimes forcing a smile can genuinely lift your mood. And it does, I have ended up in fits of laughter all because i pretended I was happy, and people feed off that and genuinely helped shift my mood. But sometimes, it makes me feel worse. Like I am a failure for not being happy that I am alive and that I am so selfish. And the familiar path of berating myself via inner monologues starts.
It's not good.
But today I forced myself to go outside, and get into town. To meet a friend for a coffee to try and make us both feel better, as he is struggling too. I don't think it really helped me, to be honest. But I did some looking at jogging bottoms, cause I am going to start running I think. I need a hobby that gets me moving, and I have been told that running is really motivating when you get into it. I have also read that regular exercise can help your mind, so I'll hope that is true.
Hope everyone out there in LJ-land is well. The iOS app has updated again, and seems to be working, so hooray. Xx