Hmmm.....its all starting again.
I thought i was getting my life into order. You know, I was taking responsibility for my own shittyness, and I am motivated at sky.
But all day, I have thought about topping myself.
I was crying on my way to work.
:(
I thought I was past this, obviously not.
I'm ok if I keep myself busy, but if I have more than a minute to think, I just think about killing off my miserable, pointless existence.
I have been told to speak to a counciller if anything like that happened again, so I have got in contact with the councilling service through my work. Which they pay for.
I really need to tell my supervisor, but she is too busy, and I haven't got to the point where I could tell her without crying.
But I think thats more shame than anything else.
I have been working so hard at getting my stats up, and thought I was doing so well. But, as usual, I do something else wrong.
Useless. Thats what I am.
But all day, I have thought about topping myself.
I was crying on my way to work.
:(
I thought I was past this, obviously not.
I'm ok if I keep myself busy, but if I have more than a minute to think, I just think about killing off my miserable, pointless existence.
I have been told to speak to a counciller if anything like that happened again, so I have got in contact with the councilling service through my work. Which they pay for.
I really need to tell my supervisor, but she is too busy, and I haven't got to the point where I could tell her without crying.
But I think thats more shame than anything else.
I have been working so hard at getting my stats up, and thought I was doing so well. But, as usual, I do something else wrong.
Useless. Thats what I am.