Hey, LJ, I missed you.
But this isn't time for happiness.
This is me whinging about my wieght.
The hardest thing in the world to do is to admit that you are fat. Sounds really stupid, but its true. I can tell you a thousand things I hate about myself, and whilst my weight would be mentioned, it certainly would be acknowleged, but that's about it.
But acknowleging something, isn't accepting it.
I think that part of me used to think that if I said I was fat, it wouldn't hurt so bad when someone I didn't even know called me a 'fat dyke' or something. Which is bullshit, by the way, it still hurts like hell. But although I said it, I never really absorbed it, and thought about it AT ALL. I just avoided it, like how I avoided test day at school.
But lately, I have been trying to make myself happy with my self-image, but I don't see that happening. Mostly because I look and all I can see is fat. Like I am obsessing over it, really unhealthily. Okay, I don't starve myself, cause I really don't think I could do that. But U have been doing things such as only eating when I'm hungry and walking to work. And honestly, it made me feel a huge bit better. Especially tonight. I left my bus ticket at home, and rather than whinging about it, seeing as I had no money, I walked home. Now I think its about 2 miles between my work and house, so even walking one way is a great chunk of exercise more than I used to do.
But, I am going to try and walk to and from work EVERYDAY. So thats 4 miles, and to be honest, it doesn't really make much of a difference. I mean I was 20 minutes later, than what I was if I would have took the bus. That is really good. Well I think it is anyway. I mean if I walk 4 miles a day, 5 days a week, surely that should make some difference.
Even if it doesn't, it has made me feel a bit better, like I am doing something to attempt to lose weight.
The thing is (and this is going to sound stupid) I don't weigh myself, I go on how lose my trousers are and things. I can't stand weighing myself, and have difficulty putting it into perspective, so I feel that it is easier to moniter my size. I mean that takes a lot for me to do, but I swear nothing has felt better when I managed to fit into a pair of size 18 jeans.
The truth is, if I try to rush it, the more chance there is that it will just come back on, if I do it gradually, then it is more likely new habits will stick.
This is me whinging about my wieght.
The hardest thing in the world to do is to admit that you are fat. Sounds really stupid, but its true. I can tell you a thousand things I hate about myself, and whilst my weight would be mentioned, it certainly would be acknowleged, but that's about it.
But acknowleging something, isn't accepting it.
I think that part of me used to think that if I said I was fat, it wouldn't hurt so bad when someone I didn't even know called me a 'fat dyke' or something. Which is bullshit, by the way, it still hurts like hell. But although I said it, I never really absorbed it, and thought about it AT ALL. I just avoided it, like how I avoided test day at school.
But lately, I have been trying to make myself happy with my self-image, but I don't see that happening. Mostly because I look and all I can see is fat. Like I am obsessing over it, really unhealthily. Okay, I don't starve myself, cause I really don't think I could do that. But U have been doing things such as only eating when I'm hungry and walking to work. And honestly, it made me feel a huge bit better. Especially tonight. I left my bus ticket at home, and rather than whinging about it, seeing as I had no money, I walked home. Now I think its about 2 miles between my work and house, so even walking one way is a great chunk of exercise more than I used to do.
But, I am going to try and walk to and from work EVERYDAY. So thats 4 miles, and to be honest, it doesn't really make much of a difference. I mean I was 20 minutes later, than what I was if I would have took the bus. That is really good. Well I think it is anyway. I mean if I walk 4 miles a day, 5 days a week, surely that should make some difference.
Even if it doesn't, it has made me feel a bit better, like I am doing something to attempt to lose weight.
The thing is (and this is going to sound stupid) I don't weigh myself, I go on how lose my trousers are and things. I can't stand weighing myself, and have difficulty putting it into perspective, so I feel that it is easier to moniter my size. I mean that takes a lot for me to do, but I swear nothing has felt better when I managed to fit into a pair of size 18 jeans.
The truth is, if I try to rush it, the more chance there is that it will just come back on, if I do it gradually, then it is more likely new habits will stick.