fml
i know that when we don't get our way, when we feel the pain it's supposed to make us stronger in the end. but i feel as if i'm strong enough to bare this pain, even though i'm not at all. you'd think i would be due to the past relationships i've found myself in. you'd think i'd not give a fuck due to my mantality when it comes to dudes. but, something made me fall to knees.. something made me open those gates not having a way to shut them. when somebody comes in my life, the first to respect me for my mind and not my body, it's hard to just up and let them go. because they're so close to my heart, so close to my soul. i hate that i end up crying every time i think about him.. but i can't help it. to watch something that was so beautiful go to waste. but i guess a friendship is in the making, and i'll take what i can get. because that's all that's left after the things that i've done.. the demolishment i've created all on my own. it's so fucking hard to know exactly what i did wrong, and not knowing or even having a way to fix it. god, what i would give for just a fucking hug.