Sometimes I Exasperate Myself...
It's always great to start a new year with a game of Musical Blood Samples and some crappy data. I can handle that. I'm hoping for a year of good data so maybe I can finally get published (it's only Jan. 5...), no health problems in my family (myself included), and minimal drama. Actually, I think as long as everyone stays healthy, I can deal with things. *crosses fingers*
The new year does bring new adventures, though. In May I get to be a bridesmaid for the first time (I don't count being a junior bridesmaid in my cousins' weddings). This is especially exciting because it's Danielle and Aaron's wedding and I love them both. Danielle is one of my best friends and I'm so happy and excited about doing this for her. I'm also learning more about dresses and getting fitted than I ever wanted to know, but it won't hurt me to be girly once in my life.
Since Danielle is from Arizona, she's having a wedding shower there in late March. Her other bridesmaids (her sister and Julie) live close by so they'll be there, and I don't want to be the only bridesmaid who isn't there (Danielle is also having a shower for her Michigan friends). This is no huge deal because I was planning to go to San Diego to visit Julie anyway, so we'll just take a side trip to Phoenix at some point. I'm treating this like a vacation because I'm sure I'll be sick of the snow, especially since it has barely stopped snowing since Sunday.
Here's my problem: Even though I'm excited about going, I have such issues about spending money to treat myself to something like this. I always have. I'm surprised I was able to suck it up and treat myself to some nice new clothes a year ago (I actually picked out things that were not on the sale rack - this is a huge accomplishment.). "Treating" myself to a new car was a necessity, but I made up my mind that that would be my graduation present to myself. I even set aside money in my savings account for expenses related to this wedding and I still can't justify it to myself. I don't know what my problem is. I also need to get a passport. I'm not planning any trips out of the country in the new future, but my family has discussed it and I would hate to put that or any other opportunity that presents itself on hold just because I don't have a passport. (Peel yourself off the floor already, I've honestly never had a reason to have a passport.)
I just don't know why I can't allow myself to have nice things or spend money on myself. I've always been taught to live beneath my means and save for a rainy day, etc., but I have plenty of money saved. Why am I so hesitant to spend it on myself, even if it's not much in the grand scheme of things? I even have a grown up job with a grown up paycheck! Grah! *bangs head on desk that should be replaced*