Telling the kids about sex changes
Though the "audience" here in LJ land is ever-shrinking, this conversation I had yesterday with the kids was too fascinating not to record, so....
Alex (8), Jessie (6) and I were in a free-for-all wrestling match/ tickle bout/ steal mom's stuff on my bed. At one point Alex started yelling (unintentionally), "I'm the sister! I'm the sister!" I grinned madly at him and said, "Are you now?" He just looked at me blankly, but I just looked back till he reviewed what he said in his head, laughed, and backpedaled.
Never one to miss a teachable moment, I said, "You know, there sometimes are people who are born into one kind of body but feel like they are the other gender."
Oooo, the great questions and thoughts that provoked! Mostly it was Alex working it through, although CLEARLY Jessie was paying very close attention (as you'll see when I tell you about today). Gender change was such a novel concept that first they had me explain it again two or three times. Then Alex REALLY wanted to know how people could change like this. I talked about boys' and girls' bodies being very similar when they are kids, but what hormones are, how there are different ones that change a boy's body into a man's body/ girl's body into a woman's body, and what those changes are. Then that doctors can give medicines that block the kind of hormones a body makes, and give the other kind. Alex got quite very specific. "What if a woman has breasts but doesn't want them anymore?" So we talked about surgeries. "Do you know anybody?" Yes, a friend of a friend and a relative, and what I know. A long pause. "What bathroom do they use?... and what locker room?" I said that was really a tough problem for them, about people "testing" living as the other gender before they make permanent changes, about family bathrooms (gender neutral, and well familiar to the kids) being useful.
At one point Alex said, "How do they know they're the other one in the wrong kind of body?" "They just know," I said. "You have a boy body, but in your head, do you feel like you're a boy or a girl?" Emphatically, "I'm a boy!" I asked the same question of Jessie, who said, "I'm definitely a girl!" "Right," I said. "People just... know. It's the same for them, but they know they're the opposite one of what their body is."
"What do you feel like you are, Mom?" he asked. (I'm so proud of the way he thinks!) "Oh, I'm female, just like my body is," I answered.
Now, Jessie was not only listening, but also asking a few questions and giving input. But I most know she was paying attention because of what came out of her today. We were planning to go to the barber shop to get Alex a haircut, and Jessie was telling her new American Girl doll (Jessie AG) about it. Jessie IJ told Jessie AG, "I never get my hair cut, 'cause I like it long. You won't get your hair cut, 'cause you're a doll." I voiced for the doll, "What if you DID get your hair cut?" She answered, "Well, then I could be a boy. We'd have to cut your hair, too, so you could be a boy wif me." 'Jessie AG' said, "Can they really do that?"
And my six year old explained, "Yeah, doctors can. Sometimes people think they're in the wrong body, an' then they take medicine to change how their body looks, an' they have surgery. See, girls have vulvas an' boys have... what's it called, Mom?" "Boys have a penis," I said, fascinated. "Yeah, girls have a vulva an' boys have a penis but doctors can do surgery an' cut the tie. And grown up girls have bras..." "Breasts," I said, giving her the word. "Right, breasts, see this little part that's a different color?" she showed her doll, lifting her shirt. "Your nipples," I said in my voice, then in the falsetto that is voicing her dolls, "Yeah?" Jessie went on, "Well, when girls grow up they get bigger and are bras but doctors can take 'em off wif surgery and then wif all the other stuff a girl who thinks she's a boy can BE a BOY!"
So 'Jessie AG' said, "Are you going to do that?" and my daughter said, "Oh, no, I'm definitely a girl."
"Besides, I like my hair long."
Alex (8), Jessie (6) and I were in a free-for-all wrestling match/ tickle bout/ steal mom's stuff on my bed. At one point Alex started yelling (unintentionally), "I'm the sister! I'm the sister!" I grinned madly at him and said, "Are you now?" He just looked at me blankly, but I just looked back till he reviewed what he said in his head, laughed, and backpedaled.
Never one to miss a teachable moment, I said, "You know, there sometimes are people who are born into one kind of body but feel like they are the other gender."
Oooo, the great questions and thoughts that provoked! Mostly it was Alex working it through, although CLEARLY Jessie was paying very close attention (as you'll see when I tell you about today). Gender change was such a novel concept that first they had me explain it again two or three times. Then Alex REALLY wanted to know how people could change like this. I talked about boys' and girls' bodies being very similar when they are kids, but what hormones are, how there are different ones that change a boy's body into a man's body/ girl's body into a woman's body, and what those changes are. Then that doctors can give medicines that block the kind of hormones a body makes, and give the other kind. Alex got quite very specific. "What if a woman has breasts but doesn't want them anymore?" So we talked about surgeries. "Do you know anybody?" Yes, a friend of a friend and a relative, and what I know. A long pause. "What bathroom do they use?... and what locker room?" I said that was really a tough problem for them, about people "testing" living as the other gender before they make permanent changes, about family bathrooms (gender neutral, and well familiar to the kids) being useful.
At one point Alex said, "How do they know they're the other one in the wrong kind of body?" "They just know," I said. "You have a boy body, but in your head, do you feel like you're a boy or a girl?" Emphatically, "I'm a boy!" I asked the same question of Jessie, who said, "I'm definitely a girl!" "Right," I said. "People just... know. It's the same for them, but they know they're the opposite one of what their body is."
"What do you feel like you are, Mom?" he asked. (I'm so proud of the way he thinks!) "Oh, I'm female, just like my body is," I answered.
Now, Jessie was not only listening, but also asking a few questions and giving input. But I most know she was paying attention because of what came out of her today. We were planning to go to the barber shop to get Alex a haircut, and Jessie was telling her new American Girl doll (Jessie AG) about it. Jessie IJ told Jessie AG, "I never get my hair cut, 'cause I like it long. You won't get your hair cut, 'cause you're a doll." I voiced for the doll, "What if you DID get your hair cut?" She answered, "Well, then I could be a boy. We'd have to cut your hair, too, so you could be a boy wif me." 'Jessie AG' said, "Can they really do that?"
And my six year old explained, "Yeah, doctors can. Sometimes people think they're in the wrong body, an' then they take medicine to change how their body looks, an' they have surgery. See, girls have vulvas an' boys have... what's it called, Mom?" "Boys have a penis," I said, fascinated. "Yeah, girls have a vulva an' boys have a penis but doctors can do surgery an' cut the tie. And grown up girls have bras..." "Breasts," I said, giving her the word. "Right, breasts, see this little part that's a different color?" she showed her doll, lifting her shirt. "Your nipples," I said in my voice, then in the falsetto that is voicing her dolls, "Yeah?" Jessie went on, "Well, when girls grow up they get bigger and are bras but doctors can take 'em off wif surgery and then wif all the other stuff a girl who thinks she's a boy can BE a BOY!"
So 'Jessie AG' said, "Are you going to do that?" and my daughter said, "Oh, no, I'm definitely a girl."
"Besides, I like my hair long."