The Daughter's Tale by ArneiaScarlett
I found this story on the Narnia Sues community a while back and kept it in my bookmarks for a while before I decided I would keep it for the future. Well, I have my Narnian sword (Thank you, Bo'sun.) and Hohenheim hasn't been drawn for ages, so I get the opportunity to take a bite out of this very boring little number. RAWR!
The story basically is the Lion, Witch and Wardrobe of the Narnia Chronicles. We have the story starting off from the point of view of not the Pevensies, but of Arneia Sera, the adopted daughter of Aslan. She has been sneaking around Naria since Jadis took over and overworks her poor horse to do really dumb moves. Clearly, the writer has never actually seen a rider work with a horse before. Arneia is known as Lady Arneia, the Swordmaiden of Narnia and Daughter of Aslan. You read that right, she is the "swordmaiden" of Narnia. Someone forgot that they weren't Eowyn, who, admittedly, is a Shieldmaiden, which is a different fighting technique altogether, but still similar enough to make me laugh and to make the crew facepalm. She was gifted two swords from Santa Claus/Father Christmas, whom she repeatedly calls "The Father". Nevermind that she's somehow mistaken Santa Claus for God, but she uses two swords in combat and it's described from the first person point of view, except it's written more like a third person point of view. She wears a cloak with the hood down over her face like every other fantasy character and whips her swords out ready for attack like she just got done watching Lord of the Rings. And according to Narnia Sues she is supposed to be Peter's love interesting, but we've yet to see that.
What does she do? Nothing. At all. She sits back and gives away the plot like an old radio show character while acting mysterious and letting everyone say she's "Lady Arneia". She finds the kids and the Beavers running across the ice lake. She sees Santa and greets him before telling him what's happened. We then see Santa give away the Pevensies' gifts. We get an introduction of Arneia that's immediately forgotten. She goes to Aslan's Camp and meets him there and refuses to call him Father. She gets sent off to give us more of the plot because she is the one telling the story, so we get to see her yelling at Peter to use his sword with the script of the movie directly in front of us. And that's as far as I've gotten in this. Did she actually do anything in all that? Well, she saved Lucy.... while nearly drowning her poor horse. The only thing missing is a mention of music swelling into a heroic theme for Peter as he emerges from the icy river.
It's... stupid. It's stupid in ways that The Host by Stephanie Meyer is stupid and boring. However, at least The Host is at least something I haven't seen before, which makes it more interesting to me to read. The Bo'sun described this type of Mary Sue as the Exposition Fairy. She gives the story away without any tension left in it to interest anyone else.
The Daughter's Tale by ArneiaScarlett
Chapter One: 1 2 3 4
Chapter Two: 1 2 3 4
Chapter Three: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7
The story basically is the Lion, Witch and Wardrobe of the Narnia Chronicles. We have the story starting off from the point of view of not the Pevensies, but of Arneia Sera, the adopted daughter of Aslan. She has been sneaking around Naria since Jadis took over and overworks her poor horse to do really dumb moves. Clearly, the writer has never actually seen a rider work with a horse before. Arneia is known as Lady Arneia, the Swordmaiden of Narnia and Daughter of Aslan. You read that right, she is the "swordmaiden" of Narnia. Someone forgot that they weren't Eowyn, who, admittedly, is a Shieldmaiden, which is a different fighting technique altogether, but still similar enough to make me laugh and to make the crew facepalm. She was gifted two swords from Santa Claus/Father Christmas, whom she repeatedly calls "The Father". Nevermind that she's somehow mistaken Santa Claus for God, but she uses two swords in combat and it's described from the first person point of view, except it's written more like a third person point of view. She wears a cloak with the hood down over her face like every other fantasy character and whips her swords out ready for attack like she just got done watching Lord of the Rings. And according to Narnia Sues she is supposed to be Peter's love interesting, but we've yet to see that.
What does she do? Nothing. At all. She sits back and gives away the plot like an old radio show character while acting mysterious and letting everyone say she's "Lady Arneia". She finds the kids and the Beavers running across the ice lake. She sees Santa and greets him before telling him what's happened. We then see Santa give away the Pevensies' gifts. We get an introduction of Arneia that's immediately forgotten. She goes to Aslan's Camp and meets him there and refuses to call him Father. She gets sent off to give us more of the plot because she is the one telling the story, so we get to see her yelling at Peter to use his sword with the script of the movie directly in front of us. And that's as far as I've gotten in this. Did she actually do anything in all that? Well, she saved Lucy.... while nearly drowning her poor horse. The only thing missing is a mention of music swelling into a heroic theme for Peter as he emerges from the icy river.
It's... stupid. It's stupid in ways that The Host by Stephanie Meyer is stupid and boring. However, at least The Host is at least something I haven't seen before, which makes it more interesting to me to read. The Bo'sun described this type of Mary Sue as the Exposition Fairy. She gives the story away without any tension left in it to interest anyone else.
The Daughter's Tale by ArneiaScarlett
Chapter One: 1 2 3 4
Chapter Two: 1 2 3 4
Chapter Three: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7
