uhg
Its funny how you can know someone for so long and have them be such a part of you and everything in your life that every time you talk to them there is nothing but pure shame wrapped in annoyance/anger over the smallest thing. That there is this fucking ridiculous barrier of past and present shit that you can't sort through to get back to the person that you were and that you first met. Its fucking stupid and sad and shouldn't matter but it does. Its this pulsing living organism that feeds on our every arguement, every miscommunication. The sad thing is that we want there to be calm sea's around us. To have a decent friendship. The basis of what we started with in the beginning. Why is it so fucking hard for both of us? We both try so hard to set things right, to see the other person perspective. But its fucking pitch black. Like five years of wandering in the darkness catching glimpses of light through the shadows of trees. We still don't know one another, maybe we never will. It doesn't make any sense to me. I'm sorry for the things I say and the person I am. For the way I take things and how I come off sometimes. I don't know how to be anybody but myself though. I want it to make sense. I want the knot to unravel. I want...maybe I just want too much.