(no subject)
So I have no idea where I am going in life right now. With that said, I'm sure the rest of this post will be boring and will make no sense. I am torn in between staying in Kansas City where it is comfortable/uncomfortable, moving back to Orlando, and moving to Chicago to take a huge chance. I feel like I've subconsciously bought into all the movie/pop culture stuff about having some sort of purpose in life I'm supposed to find. Maybe not some sort of purpose, maybe just a higher level of fulfillment. I'm too old to be doing the job I'm doing. Its lame. Maybe I'm getting too grandiose with my perceptions and thoughts about how life should go. Is there a way life should go? I feel really grateful to have the options I have been born into life. You know, not living in absolute poverty, or under some sort of dictatorship (insert leftist joke). I feel like I'm constantly living for tomorrow and not enough for today. At the same time I'll take time to do these weird living in the moment zen things. Am I Woody Allen asking too many questions about life? I realize the irony of writing that in a sentence form. I'm afraid of getting old and just having a mediocre job and life to show for it. I think that's one of my worst fears. Maybe I am truly part of that generation that expects too much. But why wouldn't I be? I agree with that statement that technology has brought us all together but at the same time has made us feel more isolated and alone. Throughout time they say that the point of us evolving and developing the tools and housing and governments and grocery stores and banks and cars and utensils and all those things we take for granted is to make life easier. If it is to make life easier and give you more time to yourself, why wouldn't you then question your existence and where you stand in your individual life? I mean, you have the time to right? And as each generation comes around, I don't think its necessarily expecting more out of life, its having the time to think about it. Whenever I start to think like this I quell it and tell myself I'm sounding like someone in high school questioning life too much. But when I do push it down I feel like I'm running on autopilot. I don't think life should be like that. I guess I work with too many people that are like that anyway. I'm not putting myself on some sort of self realization pedestal. I don't know what they're thinking or why they act the way they do. I only have the tools I have to perceive what I perceive to be they're reality. And those tools are full of filters and generalizations I have developed over my twenty six years in life. I grow weary of droning on and on though. This rant will have to continue another day. My computer ate the first version of this that I liked much better. sigh. Good inspiration comes once around for me...