Goddamn You Half Japanese Girls...You do it to me every time..
So as far as I can reckon, I think I am going through the anger phase of this whole breakup thing. Anger mainly I think at all of the walls that seem to go up daily between us. Seemingly carelessly on her part. Her laughter grates on my nerves as I try to sleep one floor below her. How could she laugh, how was this so hard for her in the beginning when I was supportive, and so easy now that I have no support at all. We see each other daily, with the whole living together thing still in effect until she gets a new place. All that passes between us are awkward words of two people forced to deal with a situation still. I don't understand how everything that we built up for these years is so easily dismissed by her. It really makes me jaded to relationships, or just people in general I guess. That it could be like a switch always there in the background waiting to be flipped to end the connection. Maybe I'm just spouting what everyone else already knows. A little behind am I eh? I kept checking in on myself during the relationship to see if I could handle it if we were to ever separate. You know, just to make sure that I wasn't becoming co-dependant or losing my sense of identity. Well that was a waste of time because nothing really prepared me for the fucking intense kick to the stomach every day that I come home from work realizing that nothing is going to be the same. Everybody keeps telling me to not let it get to me and to think of the future. Yeah well, thats not working out so well for me right now. Give me a minute though, it comes in waves. Mostly memories of time spent together and further separating our stuff. Oh, that and The Cure. Thank you Robert Smith for seeming to always make things so bitter-sweet. And so ends tonights rant...