Another day goes by...
and I feel helpless again..once again I feel liked I've failed someone. Everyone wants me to make decisions, decisions that I can't handle right now. I just feel like I'm falling into a dark hole that has no bottom, and I feel utterly helpless to stop the freefall. How I wish I could talk to you and ask you for your advice and honesty. You were so brutally honest, even more than I am...I want that closeness again, I want to feel that warmth, but I just feel alone and cold...Everything seems to be crumbling around me and I try to keep it together, but I sometimes fail. I read your journal the other day and all the comments people wrote after you died. I know somehow that you know what they wrote and finally how everyone loved you. It is ironic how you find out how much someone loves you after you are gone, whether it be with your death or with you leaving. I wonder if I will be missed and loved when I leave finally...I miss you and love you.