Ficlet: Easter Stockings (PG for language, gen)
Title: Easter Stockings
Fandom: Smallville
Word Count: 261 words
Notes: Happy Easter. Have some crack. Warning for containing a possibly insulting religious reference, F-bomb. (Now with minisequel in the comments.)
Summary: Smallville has a constant weirdness rating of 10/10. Its inhabitants know better than to expect even an Easter miracle to make it otherwise.
The voice on the other end of the line was a little garbled, though whether that was bad reception or the hysteria, Clark wasn't entirely certain. He frowned uncertainly at his mom, his lower lip falling out from between his teeth before he asked, slowly and carefully. "You want an Easter stocking?" Something in pastels instead of the traditional red and white, maybe. It was a bit strange, but given Lex's upbringing, Clark was willing to help him embark on the creation of new traditions. And why not a stocking for easter? Put in chocolate bunnies instead of Santas-
"Stalking. Stalker, Clark, focus!" That was very clear, and very clearly snarled.
Clark pulled the phone away from his ear and glanced at it, then brought it back in time for Lex's voice to drop into a lower, slightly calmer register.
"A mutant rabbit is stalking me and it just laid. An egg. On my Jag. It scratched the paint with its horrendously long teeth. It is ~staring at me~~. You are a hero. You are my hero. Get over here and hero me away from- Fuck. Me."
"Lex?" There was no answer beyond static. Clark felt the first tendril of worry. His mother looked up from making deviled eggs. "Lex, where are you?"
No answer, but Clark could hear heavy breathing, indicating that the call hadn't been disconnected. He repeated Lex's name a couple more times before he finally got a very flat reply. "I hate Smallville. I hate this town and everything about it. The jokes about Zombie Jesus just became incredibly unfunny."
Fandom: Smallville
Word Count: 261 words
Notes: Happy Easter. Have some crack. Warning for containing a possibly insulting religious reference, F-bomb. (Now with minisequel in the comments.)
Summary: Smallville has a constant weirdness rating of 10/10. Its inhabitants know better than to expect even an Easter miracle to make it otherwise.
The voice on the other end of the line was a little garbled, though whether that was bad reception or the hysteria, Clark wasn't entirely certain. He frowned uncertainly at his mom, his lower lip falling out from between his teeth before he asked, slowly and carefully. "You want an Easter stocking?" Something in pastels instead of the traditional red and white, maybe. It was a bit strange, but given Lex's upbringing, Clark was willing to help him embark on the creation of new traditions. And why not a stocking for easter? Put in chocolate bunnies instead of Santas-
"Stalking. Stalker, Clark, focus!" That was very clear, and very clearly snarled.
Clark pulled the phone away from his ear and glanced at it, then brought it back in time for Lex's voice to drop into a lower, slightly calmer register.
"A mutant rabbit is stalking me and it just laid. An egg. On my Jag. It scratched the paint with its horrendously long teeth. It is ~staring at me~~. You are a hero. You are my hero. Get over here and hero me away from- Fuck. Me."
"Lex?" There was no answer beyond static. Clark felt the first tendril of worry. His mother looked up from making deviled eggs. "Lex, where are you?"
No answer, but Clark could hear heavy breathing, indicating that the call hadn't been disconnected. He repeated Lex's name a couple more times before he finally got a very flat reply. "I hate Smallville. I hate this town and everything about it. The jokes about Zombie Jesus just became incredibly unfunny."