Hogwarts Overexposed: Chapter Twenty-Four
Happy Halloween, everyone! I was going to "dress up" as the most fearsome of all creatures--the Jamie Sue. But alas, my boobs are of a reasonable size, and I was too oppressed by the textile world, so I put on some clothes. All was well.
Chapter Twenty-four
Dead or Alive
"Before we do anything, we need to comfort the students and take this opportunity to exploit their fears and molest them perform the Bubble-Head Charm on everyone," Harry said, steadfastly. "We won't be going anyplace if this smoke proves to be toxic."
"What if our wands still won't function?" Hermione asked, concernedly.
"Pray that's not the case or this might end up being our tomb," Harry replied, solemnly.
Providentially, whatever had caused the ride to malfunction had also lifted the ward made of bullshit that caused their wands to not work. Hermione gasped a sigh of temporary relief as she helped Harry and Ron cast charms on all the students. Once everyone's head was enclosed in a bubble of breathable air, the trio started checking the emotional state of the students. How about you all GET TO SAFETY and worry about emotional trauma later.
"They're a brave lot," Ron stated after a few minutes; clearly impressed by the students. "Even the younger ones seem to be emotionally in control of the situation." Yes, that's common. Expect them to freak out and have recurring nightmares, flashbacks, and other fun symptoms in the coming months.
"Hermione, at the speed we were traveling before coming to a standstill, how long do you imagine it would have taken us to get to the point where that explosion occurred," Jamie asked tentatively.
"Oh! I don't know," Hermione answered, somewhat inattentively. "Assuming this tube runs in a straight line to that point, I'd estimate somewhere between a minute or two. Why do you ask?"
"Weren't we supposed to start off a minute after the American team?" Jamie inquired. "But we were delayed slightly because we waited for Brian and Debby to get on board."
Jamie didn't need to clarify her query any further. Harry, Hermione and Ron immediately realized where she was headed with her questioning and they swapped troubled looks, but before any of them could speak there was another explosion; this one coming from Harry's pants the direction in which the ride had originated.
"If there was any question as to what direction to head, that settled it," Harry remarked, clenching his fist and hoping he had a change of pants, an anxious expression covering his face.
"Yeah! I sure don't want to go back to where those penis spiders are," Ron said. Just the thought gave him the shivers.
"Harry, you don't think that ..." Hermione couldn't bring herself to finish the sentence.
"I don't know, Hermione," he said, shaking his head in frustration, "but we have to find out for sure, one way or the other. If the American team was involved in the explosion up ahead we have to check for survivors; see if there is anybody we can help." Eh, most of them have neither names nor personalities. They probably died for the sake of added drama.
Hermione nodded, fighting to retain her composure. They were students, not yet adults, just kids actually. Their lives were just beginning. They had to be all right.
"Listen up, everybody," Ron shouted to the students. "We're going to disembark the vehicle and proceed on foot in the direction the arrows indicate. Everyone stay together and keep alert."
"Professor Weasley, should we draw our wands?" Jeffery MacDowell asked.
"Not just yet," Harry cut in. "Wait till I pass out these condoms. Everybody is a little jumpy and we don't want to hazard someone getting hurt by a misfired curse. We'll give you the word if wands are needed."
"Do you actually think we'll need wands?" Hermione whispered apprehensively.
"I hope so! don't know," Harry said shaking his head sadly. "It depends on whether that explosion involved this shielding tube and if so, whether it was breached or not."
"If it was breached, labor and delivery is going to be much more dangerouswe're no longer secure in here," Hermione muttered.
"No, and it most certainly isn't any safer out there," Harry said, gesturing toward the transparent wall of the tube. He looked forlornly at the ten students whose lives were now in his, Ron and Hermione's hands. Less than an hour ago they were all screaming in glee; would they soon all be screaming in horror and pain? We can only hope.
* * * * * *
So remember that pervy guy Eric who was pushing Rishard to make things more dangerous? In a twist worthy of M. Night Shyamalan, it turns out he was working for Slytherin and sabotaged the safari! Slytherin laughs evilly, because all of the people on Fantastic Island will surely be killed by beasts! There is no way they will escape! They are all doomed!
* * * * * *
After about twenty minutes of silent walking, Harry came to an unexpected halt. "Hermione, wait here with the students while Ron and I explore our confusing sexual feelings for each other what is around this bend."
Hermione glared warningly at Harry, as she reached for her wand. "You're doing it again, Harry," she said with meaning. "Jamie is quite capable of staying back with the other students. You, Ron and I are a team; we have been since our first year at Hogwarts. I didn't suddenly become incompetent when I said 'I do'." Oh no, honey. You became incompetent long before that.
"Sorry! Just being overprotective again," Harry muttered apologetically. "I love you."
"I love you, too," Hermione said, kissing Harry briefly. "Now let's go see what lies in store for us around that corner. I hope it's a threesome!"
Harry gave Ron a resigned look as they lingered for a moment while Hermione passed on instructions to Jamie. Then as the students waited nervously, the three professors slowly disappeared around the curve.
They had only gone a short distance when Harry again stopped. "Did you hear that?" he asked.
"All I hear is some birds twittering," Ron retorted.
"That's the problem," Hermione cut in. "We're in an enclosed protective tube. We shouldn't be hearing any birds unless... unless the tube has been breached."
They proceeded cautiously and then suddenly all three froze. They were faced with a horrific sight. More Mary-Sues were advancing on them, their perfect, perky breasts bouncing in unison.
"NO! NO!" Hermione screamed. "They can't be dead. Those poor innocent children." She buried her head in Harry's shoulder, tears streaming from her eyes.
"What happened?" Ron questioned, the revulsion of what he was viewing choking his voice. "My god! They were cremated alive; they didn't even making it out of the vehicle."
"Hermione, I need your help," Harry urged. "Can you piece this puzzle together? What went wrong; what exactly do you surmise took place here?" It doesn't take a genius to figure out that there was an explosion of some sort. Geez, did Harry's brains leak out his ears at the same time his testicles dropped off?
Hermione clenched her teeth, trying to gather her wits about her. She looked away from the traumatic scene and gazed out the gaping hole in the protective tube, staring at the soon to set sun. Then she saw the powerful, large grey African beast.
"Harry, it was an Erumpent, like that one" she exclaimed, pointing at a rhinoceros like beast in the distance. "An Erumpent attacked the tube and the result was a catastrophic explosion."
Blah blah blah. They figure out that Slytherin must have sabotaged the safari! How horrible. I am so scared for them.
* * * * * *
"Dad, I think you should have a look at this," Caitlin called out, anxiously.
With Hermione's assistance, Caitlin had been identifying the charred vestiges in the vehicle based on their lingering aura traces. Aura traces? What new bullshit is this?
"We know that there were eight passengers riding this safari rover, two adults and six students," Caitlin noted. "I've been able to identify remains of the six students and that," she pointed to a pile of ashes, "is what's left of the American coach, Mr. Ryan. I can't, however, find any hint of Mr. Simone."
"Is it possible he was carried off by the Erumpent?" Harry inquired.
Hermione pointed to a large pile of ashes. "The Erumpent that caused this tragedy died in the explosion, but look what Caitlin noticed." She indicated the ruins of all the other seats where ashes had been found; there were remnants of still buckled seatbelts. "I saw Rishard jump into this seat next to Bud Ryan; look at the remnant of his belt."
"It's been cut using a Muggle knife," Harry said, shocked. Why must they specify that it was a Muggle knife? Are there wizard knives? How could they tell the difference? Why is this so mind-blowingly idiotic?
Ron looked at the others dubiously. "So, you think Rishard is still alive? That somehow he managed to cut his belt and flee the vehicle before the explosion? But why would he be carrying a knife and what would make him consider it necessary to escape the vehicle?"
The Trio use their impressive skills of logical deduction and conclude that Rishard must have known about the sabotage! They decide to leave the tube to find shelter and food.
Hermione nodded her head in conformation.
"Look!" Lee Wilson shouted excitedly, pointing up at a nearby tree. "Are they bananas?"
"Good eye," Harry said, slapping the Hufflepuff boy proudly on the back. "Only question now is how do we get to them?"
"Climb," Caitlin said, matter-of-factly. "Mum always says I'm half monkey, Really? Then when did we never see this? And maybe she was just referring to Caitlin's habit of throwing her poo at people when she feels threatened now is my chance to prove it. I'll just need a boost up to the first bough."
"Caitlin!" Kim cried, grabbing her friend's arm. "You can't climb a tree. Have you forgotten what you have on?"
"You're right," Caitlin said gratefully. "I almost forgot. This is my favorite cover-up. I wouldn't want to chance damaging it." Without faltering or asking permission, she hastily slipped the article of clothing off over her head.
"Who'll give me a boost?" Caitlin asked, standing unashamedly with her hands on her hips, totally naked except for her trainers.
Harry looked beside himself, ready to burst.
"Harry, it's okay. Don't get agitated," Hermione said, holding him back. "She's a naturist and these are her friends. You reprimanding her would only embarrass you both." There is so much wrong with this I don't even know where to start.
Jamie quickly ran to assist Caitlin, pulling a reluctant Donald Thomas along with her.
"How are we going to do this?" Don asked Jamie; doubtful as to how exactly one should go about properly lifting a nude girl to achieve maximum genital gropage.
"Jeff, come here and help us," Jamie called out urgently to the tall boy. "We'll do this like Muggle cheerleaders. If you can bend down slightly, Don and I will assist Caitlin to stand on your shoulders. Then try to stand straight. Once she is balanced, she should be able to reach the lowest branch. Don, be ready to catch her if she slips."
Three times they tried and failed. Don's face had ended up a brilliant red. The last attempt had required him to catch Caitlin in a rather private way.
"No big deal," Caitlin said indifferently, readying herself for another try. "Having my vulva grabbed is a regular occurrence for me. Just promise me that you won't tell my boyfriend. He's never touched me there."
"I wish I had her confidence," Hermione said, clutching Harry's hand.
"Because she is so secure with her body?" Harry asked.
"No." Hermione replied sadly. "Because she's so positive that we'll return to Hogwarts. Harry, what will become of Ben and Emily if we don't make it back?"
"We've been in worst situations," Harry affirmed. "We'll make it through this horrible fic."
Hermione squeezed Harry's hand as she gave him a weak smile.
"She made it." Nora shouted excitedly.
Everyone's eyes were glued on Caitlin as they watched her ostensibly swing from branch to branch effortlessly.
"I thought Emily was the Tomboy in the family," Harry remarked to Hermione. "Caitlin is amazing; she reminds me of a Muggle trapeze artist." Neil, you can't suddenly give your Sues random skills that they have never shown any hints of beforehand. It's sloppy writing, and usually ends up being a Deus Ex Machina.
Hermione simply smiled with obvious pride.
"That's something you don't see everyday," Don said, his eyes fixed attentively on Caitlin.
"No," Jeff agreed. "Do you think we could hide her dress? I wouldn't mind her remaining unclothed." CREEPY CREEPY CREEPY
"Be careful what you say boys," Jamie warned. "That's my younger sister you're chatting about." Then she snickered. "You'll in all likelihood get your wish. Caitlin prefers being nude and most likely won't cover herself unless ordered by Harry or Hermione."
After the group had gorged on bananas, they luckily with no trouble located a nearby source of drinking water. Jamie had been accurate about Caitlin's desire to remain unclothed. Although prompted several times by a persistent Kim, Caitlin showed no inclination to cover herself.
Harry had been upset when Caitlin first shed her clothes to climb the tree. He was even more disturbed that she had remained nude. "Hermione, don't you think we should tell Caitlin to put her clothes back on?" Harry asked, disconcerted. YES, YES YOU SHOULD. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, TELL HER TO PUT SOME DAMN CLOTHES ON. PLEASE, I AM BEGGING YOU.
Hermione looked desolately toward Harry. "If I ask you a question, will you give me a truthful answer?"
"I never lie to you," Harry said, wholeheartedly.
"I know you'd never lie to me," Hermione said, taking Harry's hand and squeezing it firmly. "But sometimes you don't tell me the entire truth, either. Honestly, what do you think the odds are of us all getting out of this situation alive?"
Harry looked Hermione directly in the eye. "About a hundred percent. There's still one more fic in this abomination of a series, so we'll have to be around for the next one! Slim to none," Harry answered straightforwardly. "If all the protections are down, this island will shortly be swarming with beasts. Everyone will be scampering to Apparate safely off the island; they've undoubtedly presumed us all dead. I'm afraid that we're totally on our own."
"Then we have much greater concerns to worry about than our daughter's propensity to loathe clothing," Hermione declared. "She's not hurting anyone by being nude. What about the people who are uncomfortable with it? No one other than you seems disconcerted. Actually the others seem quite taken with Caitlin's spunk. Oh, there's definite spunk, but it doesn't belong to Caitlin. As hot and humid as it is, I'd absolutely consider joining her if it weren't for the inappropriateness due to the fact that I'm their professor."
Harry knew Hermione was correct. He also had come to recognized that nudity in and of itself was totally innocent, but it was still hard to standby and watch teenage boys eyeball his unclothed daughter. Uh, then it's not innocent.
"Harry, it will be dark in a few more minutes," Ron reminded. "Unless you have an alternative suggestion, we ought to return to the shelter of the tube."
Harry glanced toward the ruptured tube, an unreadable expression on his face.
"I'm not eager to go back in there either," Hermione said. "It makes me feel rather claustrophobic."
"We don't have much choice," Harry answered regrettably. "If we remain out here, we're end up prey for the creatures of the night. This is the type of climate Lethifolds favor. I'd rather not end up smothered in my sleep." Are you sure? Because I would LOVE that.
"Harry, don't Lethifolds glide along the ground?" Jamie interjected. Well, they can climb up onto beds, so they can probably climb trees to. Not that I care. "Actually, aren't most of the more dangerous creatures land dwellers? What if we slept up there?" She pointed to the treetops.
"Jamie, that's a great idea." Nora declared sardonically. "Only one slight problem. Not all of us are as athletic as you and Caitlin. It would be a struggle for some of us to climb a tree, much less stand on someone's shoulders and hoist ourselves up to a limb."
Harry stared up at the tall trees surrounding them. "They would be the safest place for us to spend the night," he agreed. "But Nora is correct. Not everyone is athletic and the animals seem to have destroyed all the lower branches."
"What we need is a rope," Ron stated. "Unfortunately I didn't bring one with me and there seems to be an absence of usable vines."
"We could always use our clothes," Kim suggested timidly.
"That would work," Hermione chimed in excitedly. "If we made a rope of clothes, Caitlin could tie it off in the tree. Some of us could climb the makeshift rope and then pull those not capable of climbing up after them."
YOU ALSO HAVE MAGIC, YOU IDIOTS. THERE ARE LEVITATION SPELLS, AND NUMEROUS OTHER WAYS YOU COULD GET UP INTO THE TREES. BUT NOOOOO, YOU JUST NEED AN EXCUSE TO TAKE YOUR CLOTHES OFF.
"Excuse me," Debby said. Being an American, she felt like an interloper, but a question was bugging her. "I can see the advantage of sleeping in the trees for safety reasons, but how does one keep from falling out of the tree once asleep?"
"We'll undo the clothing rope and use the garments to tie ourselves securely to the tree." Jamie suggested. "Then in the morning we can remake the rope in order to get down."
Nora is pressured into taking off ALL of her clothes. She doesn't need to take off her underwear, she just feels awkward wearing underwear while all the other girls are naked. Oh, and they remove her pubic hair too. Barf. The nudity is so contrived it's ridiculous, and it's making me angry. Now we get this nauseating bit:
The girls remain motionless as the hairless, mottled green creature creep closer and closer until its long supple arms were within reach of Caitlin. She held her breath as the beast stroked her skin with its webbed hand, playing momentarily with her breast. Then it sniffed the air and without warning plunged its nose toward her pussy. Caitlin tried not to move or scream, but her body shook uncontrollably. Jamie had drawn her wand, just in case. The Clabbert raised its head showing its wide mouth full of razor-sharp teeth. It appeared to be grinning. The creature reached out, grabbed an overhead limb and was gone.
"I think you've made another conquest," Jamie laughed. HA HA IT'S SO FUNNY WHEN MY SISTER IS SEXUALLY MOLESTED BY A CREEPY ANIMAL.
"Did you see his thingy?" Kim chortled. "I thought it was going to try and have sex with you."
"Ugh! That's sickening," Caitlin cried. "It couldn't actually do that, could it? It's not even part human."
"I don't know," Jamie giggled, "but if I were you, to be on the safe side, I'd sleep with all orifices covered tonight.
Caitlin felt a strong urge to hurl. Me too, Caitlin.
* * * * * *
Saturday, June 24, 2006
Blah blah blah. Everyone gathers on the Quidditch Pitch to welcome the contestants back! We get another lecture about how wonderful nudism is by Emily. Apparently, people who like wearing clothes are "priggish." Then Minister Weasley (I hate what Neil did to Percy) announced that the American team is dead, and the Hogwarts team is missing! Niiiiiice.
End of Chapter 24
Chapter Twenty-Three: No Where to Go ~ Table of Contents ~ Chapter Twenty-Five: Missing
Only one more chapter!
Chapter Twenty-four
Dead or Alive
"Before we do anything, we need to comfort the students and take this opportunity to exploit their fears and molest them perform the Bubble-Head Charm on everyone," Harry said, steadfastly. "We won't be going anyplace if this smoke proves to be toxic."
"What if our wands still won't function?" Hermione asked, concernedly.
"Pray that's not the case or this might end up being our tomb," Harry replied, solemnly.
Providentially, whatever had caused the ride to malfunction had also lifted the ward made of bullshit that caused their wands to not work. Hermione gasped a sigh of temporary relief as she helped Harry and Ron cast charms on all the students. Once everyone's head was enclosed in a bubble of breathable air, the trio started checking the emotional state of the students. How about you all GET TO SAFETY and worry about emotional trauma later.
"They're a brave lot," Ron stated after a few minutes; clearly impressed by the students. "Even the younger ones seem to be emotionally in control of the situation." Yes, that's common. Expect them to freak out and have recurring nightmares, flashbacks, and other fun symptoms in the coming months.
"Hermione, at the speed we were traveling before coming to a standstill, how long do you imagine it would have taken us to get to the point where that explosion occurred," Jamie asked tentatively.
"Oh! I don't know," Hermione answered, somewhat inattentively. "Assuming this tube runs in a straight line to that point, I'd estimate somewhere between a minute or two. Why do you ask?"
"Weren't we supposed to start off a minute after the American team?" Jamie inquired. "But we were delayed slightly because we waited for Brian and Debby to get on board."
Jamie didn't need to clarify her query any further. Harry, Hermione and Ron immediately realized where she was headed with her questioning and they swapped troubled looks, but before any of them could speak there was another explosion; this one coming from Harry's pants the direction in which the ride had originated.
"If there was any question as to what direction to head, that settled it," Harry remarked, clenching his fist and hoping he had a change of pants, an anxious expression covering his face.
"Yeah! I sure don't want to go back to where those penis spiders are," Ron said. Just the thought gave him the shivers.
"Harry, you don't think that ..." Hermione couldn't bring herself to finish the sentence.
"I don't know, Hermione," he said, shaking his head in frustration, "but we have to find out for sure, one way or the other. If the American team was involved in the explosion up ahead we have to check for survivors; see if there is anybody we can help." Eh, most of them have neither names nor personalities. They probably died for the sake of added drama.
Hermione nodded, fighting to retain her composure. They were students, not yet adults, just kids actually. Their lives were just beginning. They had to be all right.
"Listen up, everybody," Ron shouted to the students. "We're going to disembark the vehicle and proceed on foot in the direction the arrows indicate. Everyone stay together and keep alert."
"Professor Weasley, should we draw our wands?" Jeffery MacDowell asked.
"Not just yet," Harry cut in. "Wait till I pass out these condoms. Everybody is a little jumpy and we don't want to hazard someone getting hurt by a misfired curse. We'll give you the word if wands are needed."
"Do you actually think we'll need wands?" Hermione whispered apprehensively.
"I hope so! don't know," Harry said shaking his head sadly. "It depends on whether that explosion involved this shielding tube and if so, whether it was breached or not."
"If it was breached, labor and delivery is going to be much more dangerouswe're no longer secure in here," Hermione muttered.
"No, and it most certainly isn't any safer out there," Harry said, gesturing toward the transparent wall of the tube. He looked forlornly at the ten students whose lives were now in his, Ron and Hermione's hands. Less than an hour ago they were all screaming in glee; would they soon all be screaming in horror and pain? We can only hope.
* * * * * *
So remember that pervy guy Eric who was pushing Rishard to make things more dangerous? In a twist worthy of M. Night Shyamalan, it turns out he was working for Slytherin and sabotaged the safari! Slytherin laughs evilly, because all of the people on Fantastic Island will surely be killed by beasts! There is no way they will escape! They are all doomed!
* * * * * *
After about twenty minutes of silent walking, Harry came to an unexpected halt. "Hermione, wait here with the students while Ron and I explore our confusing sexual feelings for each other what is around this bend."
Hermione glared warningly at Harry, as she reached for her wand. "You're doing it again, Harry," she said with meaning. "Jamie is quite capable of staying back with the other students. You, Ron and I are a team; we have been since our first year at Hogwarts. I didn't suddenly become incompetent when I said 'I do'." Oh no, honey. You became incompetent long before that.
"Sorry! Just being overprotective again," Harry muttered apologetically. "I love you."
"I love you, too," Hermione said, kissing Harry briefly. "Now let's go see what lies in store for us around that corner. I hope it's a threesome!"
Harry gave Ron a resigned look as they lingered for a moment while Hermione passed on instructions to Jamie. Then as the students waited nervously, the three professors slowly disappeared around the curve.
They had only gone a short distance when Harry again stopped. "Did you hear that?" he asked.
"All I hear is some birds twittering," Ron retorted.
"That's the problem," Hermione cut in. "We're in an enclosed protective tube. We shouldn't be hearing any birds unless... unless the tube has been breached."
They proceeded cautiously and then suddenly all three froze. They were faced with a horrific sight. More Mary-Sues were advancing on them, their perfect, perky breasts bouncing in unison.
"NO! NO!" Hermione screamed. "They can't be dead. Those poor innocent children." She buried her head in Harry's shoulder, tears streaming from her eyes.
"What happened?" Ron questioned, the revulsion of what he was viewing choking his voice. "My god! They were cremated alive; they didn't even making it out of the vehicle."
"Hermione, I need your help," Harry urged. "Can you piece this puzzle together? What went wrong; what exactly do you surmise took place here?" It doesn't take a genius to figure out that there was an explosion of some sort. Geez, did Harry's brains leak out his ears at the same time his testicles dropped off?
Hermione clenched her teeth, trying to gather her wits about her. She looked away from the traumatic scene and gazed out the gaping hole in the protective tube, staring at the soon to set sun. Then she saw the powerful, large grey African beast.
"Harry, it was an Erumpent, like that one" she exclaimed, pointing at a rhinoceros like beast in the distance. "An Erumpent attacked the tube and the result was a catastrophic explosion."
Blah blah blah. They figure out that Slytherin must have sabotaged the safari! How horrible. I am so scared for them.
* * * * * *
"Dad, I think you should have a look at this," Caitlin called out, anxiously.
With Hermione's assistance, Caitlin had been identifying the charred vestiges in the vehicle based on their lingering aura traces. Aura traces? What new bullshit is this?
"We know that there were eight passengers riding this safari rover, two adults and six students," Caitlin noted. "I've been able to identify remains of the six students and that," she pointed to a pile of ashes, "is what's left of the American coach, Mr. Ryan. I can't, however, find any hint of Mr. Simone."
"Is it possible he was carried off by the Erumpent?" Harry inquired.
Hermione pointed to a large pile of ashes. "The Erumpent that caused this tragedy died in the explosion, but look what Caitlin noticed." She indicated the ruins of all the other seats where ashes had been found; there were remnants of still buckled seatbelts. "I saw Rishard jump into this seat next to Bud Ryan; look at the remnant of his belt."
"It's been cut using a Muggle knife," Harry said, shocked. Why must they specify that it was a Muggle knife? Are there wizard knives? How could they tell the difference? Why is this so mind-blowingly idiotic?
Ron looked at the others dubiously. "So, you think Rishard is still alive? That somehow he managed to cut his belt and flee the vehicle before the explosion? But why would he be carrying a knife and what would make him consider it necessary to escape the vehicle?"
The Trio use their impressive skills of logical deduction and conclude that Rishard must have known about the sabotage! They decide to leave the tube to find shelter and food.
Hermione nodded her head in conformation.
"Look!" Lee Wilson shouted excitedly, pointing up at a nearby tree. "Are they bananas?"
"Good eye," Harry said, slapping the Hufflepuff boy proudly on the back. "Only question now is how do we get to them?"
"Climb," Caitlin said, matter-of-factly. "Mum always says I'm half monkey, Really? Then when did we never see this? And maybe she was just referring to Caitlin's habit of throwing her poo at people when she feels threatened now is my chance to prove it. I'll just need a boost up to the first bough."
"Caitlin!" Kim cried, grabbing her friend's arm. "You can't climb a tree. Have you forgotten what you have on?"
"You're right," Caitlin said gratefully. "I almost forgot. This is my favorite cover-up. I wouldn't want to chance damaging it." Without faltering or asking permission, she hastily slipped the article of clothing off over her head.
"Who'll give me a boost?" Caitlin asked, standing unashamedly with her hands on her hips, totally naked except for her trainers.
Harry looked beside himself, ready to burst.
"Harry, it's okay. Don't get agitated," Hermione said, holding him back. "She's a naturist and these are her friends. You reprimanding her would only embarrass you both." There is so much wrong with this I don't even know where to start.
Jamie quickly ran to assist Caitlin, pulling a reluctant Donald Thomas along with her.
"How are we going to do this?" Don asked Jamie; doubtful as to how exactly one should go about properly lifting a nude girl to achieve maximum genital gropage.
"Jeff, come here and help us," Jamie called out urgently to the tall boy. "We'll do this like Muggle cheerleaders. If you can bend down slightly, Don and I will assist Caitlin to stand on your shoulders. Then try to stand straight. Once she is balanced, she should be able to reach the lowest branch. Don, be ready to catch her if she slips."
Three times they tried and failed. Don's face had ended up a brilliant red. The last attempt had required him to catch Caitlin in a rather private way.
"No big deal," Caitlin said indifferently, readying herself for another try. "Having my vulva grabbed is a regular occurrence for me. Just promise me that you won't tell my boyfriend. He's never touched me there."
"I wish I had her confidence," Hermione said, clutching Harry's hand.
"Because she is so secure with her body?" Harry asked.
"No." Hermione replied sadly. "Because she's so positive that we'll return to Hogwarts. Harry, what will become of Ben and Emily if we don't make it back?"
"We've been in worst situations," Harry affirmed. "We'll make it through this horrible fic."
Hermione squeezed Harry's hand as she gave him a weak smile.
"She made it." Nora shouted excitedly.
Everyone's eyes were glued on Caitlin as they watched her ostensibly swing from branch to branch effortlessly.
"I thought Emily was the Tomboy in the family," Harry remarked to Hermione. "Caitlin is amazing; she reminds me of a Muggle trapeze artist." Neil, you can't suddenly give your Sues random skills that they have never shown any hints of beforehand. It's sloppy writing, and usually ends up being a Deus Ex Machina.
Hermione simply smiled with obvious pride.
"That's something you don't see everyday," Don said, his eyes fixed attentively on Caitlin.
"No," Jeff agreed. "Do you think we could hide her dress? I wouldn't mind her remaining unclothed." CREEPY CREEPY CREEPY
"Be careful what you say boys," Jamie warned. "That's my younger sister you're chatting about." Then she snickered. "You'll in all likelihood get your wish. Caitlin prefers being nude and most likely won't cover herself unless ordered by Harry or Hermione."
After the group had gorged on bananas, they luckily with no trouble located a nearby source of drinking water. Jamie had been accurate about Caitlin's desire to remain unclothed. Although prompted several times by a persistent Kim, Caitlin showed no inclination to cover herself.
Harry had been upset when Caitlin first shed her clothes to climb the tree. He was even more disturbed that she had remained nude. "Hermione, don't you think we should tell Caitlin to put her clothes back on?" Harry asked, disconcerted. YES, YES YOU SHOULD. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, TELL HER TO PUT SOME DAMN CLOTHES ON. PLEASE, I AM BEGGING YOU.
Hermione looked desolately toward Harry. "If I ask you a question, will you give me a truthful answer?"
"I never lie to you," Harry said, wholeheartedly.
"I know you'd never lie to me," Hermione said, taking Harry's hand and squeezing it firmly. "But sometimes you don't tell me the entire truth, either. Honestly, what do you think the odds are of us all getting out of this situation alive?"
Harry looked Hermione directly in the eye. "About a hundred percent. There's still one more fic in this abomination of a series, so we'll have to be around for the next one! Slim to none," Harry answered straightforwardly. "If all the protections are down, this island will shortly be swarming with beasts. Everyone will be scampering to Apparate safely off the island; they've undoubtedly presumed us all dead. I'm afraid that we're totally on our own."
"Then we have much greater concerns to worry about than our daughter's propensity to loathe clothing," Hermione declared. "She's not hurting anyone by being nude. What about the people who are uncomfortable with it? No one other than you seems disconcerted. Actually the others seem quite taken with Caitlin's spunk. Oh, there's definite spunk, but it doesn't belong to Caitlin. As hot and humid as it is, I'd absolutely consider joining her if it weren't for the inappropriateness due to the fact that I'm their professor."
Harry knew Hermione was correct. He also had come to recognized that nudity in and of itself was totally innocent, but it was still hard to standby and watch teenage boys eyeball his unclothed daughter. Uh, then it's not innocent.
"Harry, it will be dark in a few more minutes," Ron reminded. "Unless you have an alternative suggestion, we ought to return to the shelter of the tube."
Harry glanced toward the ruptured tube, an unreadable expression on his face.
"I'm not eager to go back in there either," Hermione said. "It makes me feel rather claustrophobic."
"We don't have much choice," Harry answered regrettably. "If we remain out here, we're end up prey for the creatures of the night. This is the type of climate Lethifolds favor. I'd rather not end up smothered in my sleep." Are you sure? Because I would LOVE that.
"Harry, don't Lethifolds glide along the ground?" Jamie interjected. Well, they can climb up onto beds, so they can probably climb trees to. Not that I care. "Actually, aren't most of the more dangerous creatures land dwellers? What if we slept up there?" She pointed to the treetops.
"Jamie, that's a great idea." Nora declared sardonically. "Only one slight problem. Not all of us are as athletic as you and Caitlin. It would be a struggle for some of us to climb a tree, much less stand on someone's shoulders and hoist ourselves up to a limb."
Harry stared up at the tall trees surrounding them. "They would be the safest place for us to spend the night," he agreed. "But Nora is correct. Not everyone is athletic and the animals seem to have destroyed all the lower branches."
"What we need is a rope," Ron stated. "Unfortunately I didn't bring one with me and there seems to be an absence of usable vines."
"We could always use our clothes," Kim suggested timidly.
"That would work," Hermione chimed in excitedly. "If we made a rope of clothes, Caitlin could tie it off in the tree. Some of us could climb the makeshift rope and then pull those not capable of climbing up after them."
YOU ALSO HAVE MAGIC, YOU IDIOTS. THERE ARE LEVITATION SPELLS, AND NUMEROUS OTHER WAYS YOU COULD GET UP INTO THE TREES. BUT NOOOOO, YOU JUST NEED AN EXCUSE TO TAKE YOUR CLOTHES OFF.
"Excuse me," Debby said. Being an American, she felt like an interloper, but a question was bugging her. "I can see the advantage of sleeping in the trees for safety reasons, but how does one keep from falling out of the tree once asleep?"
"We'll undo the clothing rope and use the garments to tie ourselves securely to the tree." Jamie suggested. "Then in the morning we can remake the rope in order to get down."
Nora is pressured into taking off ALL of her clothes. She doesn't need to take off her underwear, she just feels awkward wearing underwear while all the other girls are naked. Oh, and they remove her pubic hair too. Barf. The nudity is so contrived it's ridiculous, and it's making me angry. Now we get this nauseating bit:
The girls remain motionless as the hairless, mottled green creature creep closer and closer until its long supple arms were within reach of Caitlin. She held her breath as the beast stroked her skin with its webbed hand, playing momentarily with her breast. Then it sniffed the air and without warning plunged its nose toward her pussy. Caitlin tried not to move or scream, but her body shook uncontrollably. Jamie had drawn her wand, just in case. The Clabbert raised its head showing its wide mouth full of razor-sharp teeth. It appeared to be grinning. The creature reached out, grabbed an overhead limb and was gone.
"I think you've made another conquest," Jamie laughed. HA HA IT'S SO FUNNY WHEN MY SISTER IS SEXUALLY MOLESTED BY A CREEPY ANIMAL.
"Did you see his thingy?" Kim chortled. "I thought it was going to try and have sex with you."
"Ugh! That's sickening," Caitlin cried. "It couldn't actually do that, could it? It's not even part human."
"I don't know," Jamie giggled, "but if I were you, to be on the safe side, I'd sleep with all orifices covered tonight.
Caitlin felt a strong urge to hurl. Me too, Caitlin.
* * * * * *
Saturday, June 24, 2006
Blah blah blah. Everyone gathers on the Quidditch Pitch to welcome the contestants back! We get another lecture about how wonderful nudism is by Emily. Apparently, people who like wearing clothes are "priggish." Then Minister Weasley (I hate what Neil did to Percy) announced that the American team is dead, and the Hogwarts team is missing! Niiiiiice.
End of Chapter 24
Chapter Twenty-Three: No Where to Go ~ Table of Contents ~ Chapter Twenty-Five: Missing
Only one more chapter!