Family Matters: Chapter Seven
Chapter 7
Harry floated in the Granger’s swimming pool, dressed in the Granger swimsuit of choice. I can not believe how quickly I got used to being undressed around these people. I can't believe it either. Literally. I remember Hermione trying to tell me the definition difference between nude and naked earlier this summer. I understand it now. I’m nude right now. When Hermione teases me in front of her parents, reminding them that we’re a sexually active couple, then I’m naked. WHY THE HELL WOULD SHE DO THAT? Maybe I'm weird, but why the hell would you want your parents thinking about your sex life? Guess I'm just a huge prude or something. Ah well. If it saves my husband from ever boning my mother on accident, I can live with being a prude.
He laughed. Or when her mother comes out, determined to remind the world that she can easily be mistaken for Hermione’s older sister. He laughed again. WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN? I'm getting flashbacks to Hogwarts Exposed, where the "innocent" nudists were always trying to give men boners.
“What’s so amusing, Mr. Potter?” Hermione asked him as she exited the house dressed exactly as he was. She dove into the pool and swam over to him. As he stopped floating and stood on the bottom of the pool, she slid with dolphin-like grace into a warm embrace. Dolphins also shit as they swim. Just thought you should know.
“Just thinking about changes. Could you imagine me nude in your swimming pool back last summer?”
“Harry, I’ve imagined you nude in all sorts of places. Especially in Professor Snape's office. Nothing gets me hotter than Snarry porn. And yes, this swimming pool is one of them. Would you like to know what we were doing?” she purred at him. Please. Have sex in the swimming pool. I BEG of you. All SORTS of nasty things can happen, and I wish them all on you.
“I think I can guess,” he chuckled throatily Ew. as he stiffened against her. “I mean, if someone had told you last summer that I would be comfortable, most of the time at least, walking around your house wearing nothing but a smile, would you have believed them?”
“No.” She chuckled. “You do like that sun-dress of Mom’s though, don’t you?” She giggled as he twitched slightly. GAH. WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK IS THIS FUCKING FUCK.
On second thought, maybe "fuck" isn't the best expletive to use while sporking this story.
“She looks so much like you!” he protested. Still creepy.
She started giggling again, but her face lit up like the sun breaking through the clouds on a stormy day. I wish it would light up in a ball of flaming gasses. “That’s so sweet ,” she said, nestling against his shoulder. “So, interested in getting in a little more ‘practice’ before any of the Weasleys get here?” Oh no. Please don't drag the Weasleys into this.
He looked up at the clock hanging over the door to the patio. “Do you really want to be … umm … otherwise engaged when they show up?” He laughed quietly. “Can you imagine Fred and George, and the ribbing we’d take over it?” She nodded. “And then there’s Ron. We’re hoping to break it to him gently. Do you really want it to be by you screaming an orgasm to the group?” STOP TALKING. STOP STOP STOP. HARRY DOES NOT TALK LIKE THIS. ALSO, "SCREAMING AN ORGASM" MAKES NO SENSE.
Kinsfire, be straight with us. You don't REALLY know what an orgasm is, do you? You're like that fanfic author who wrote that Sirius and Remus "did lube."
“Spoilsport,” she purred in his ear. STOP PURRING. YOU ARE NOT A CAT.
“We probably ought to get out of the pool and dry off, and dress at least a little bit. We’ve got roughly half an hour before anyone arrives,” he said, and climbed from the pool.
The gods were listening and laughing at them, because at that moment, a lightning bolt struck them. They were killed painfully. a sea of red hair flowed into the pool house, led by the youngest of Molly’s children. “Oh my!” was Ginny’s breathless response to the sight before her, while Ron simply said “Gkk!” a few times as he realized that neither of his friends was wearing a stitch, and that Harry hadn’t completely subsided from Hermione’s attempts at getting him interested in some … water sports. Oh dear. Kinsfire, honey, please spend some time on urban dictionary before you write something like that, ok?
“Umm, I think you’re early?” Harry said with a weak laugh as he grabbed his towel and wrapped it around his waist. No, Harry, I think it's YOU that's early. Was that mean? I don't care.
“Aw!” Ginny said with mock sadness. Harry met Hermione’s eyes and with a twinkle in his own, he moved as if to remove his towel again. “Eek!” she squealed, and hid her eyes against Fred’s chest. Harry just started to laugh.
“I’m sorry, Ginny. Too much time spent with the twins. Really? Because he hasn't seen them ALL SUMMER. It’s the prankster in me. Actually guys, you caught us as we were about to climb out of the pool and get dressed. Care to head back into the house for a moment to give her a chance to climb out?”
“Do we have to?” George asked with a grin. Which one is he interested in? I could go for some George/Harry right now. It'd be better than this crap. Ron scowled deeply at him, but it was Harry staring daggers at him that drove George away. Creepy. If Hermione's ok with people looking at her naked, it's none of your business, Harry. Chill.
When they were alone, Harry said, “Wow! I can do the ‘don’t screw with me look’ even when I don’t mean it! Cool!” I HATE THIS SO MUCH. MUST...SNORGLE...FERRETS...TO RESIST...HOMICIDAL...URGES.
“It doesn’t bother you that they might see me in the nude?” Hermione asked as she climbed from the pool into the large towel that Harry had waiting for her. Little did they know that it was actually a Lethifold, and she died gruesomely.
“Well, part of me is insanely jealous that anyone other than your parents and me might see that beautiful sight, but that’s a part of me that thinks the way the Dursleys taught me.” He grumbled at that thought. “Another part of me thinks that I might as well let them, so that when you find someone better …” Huh?
“Harry James Potter, you know better than that! I can not possibly find someone better, because I am a filthy Sue, and deserve death the best is here with me, by this swimming pool!”
“Hermione …”
“I love you, Harry, and I do not want to hear you denigrating yourself in front of me again! Do you really think so little of me to think I would merely settle for ‘good enough’? I demand the best!” And you shall have the best. The best, most painful death I can think of. You know, I was just wondering today what would happen if someone drank Liquid Plumber. I think we're about to find out.
He laughed. “If I may finish, I was going to spooge all over the place say that I know that’s merely the Dursleys talking through me in a different way. You wouldn’t feel the way you do for me if I wasn’t worth it.” He grinned at her. Suemione: Because you're worth it.
She nodded and blushed at her outburst, nestling into the towel that Harry was holding around her, his arms wrapped around her waist, now that the towel was fastened. He kissed her hair. “The part that’s getting stronger every day, the part that wasn’t as embarrassed about being nude in front of Ginny as I once would have been, that part thinks ‘Let ‘em look. She sleeps with me tonight.’ The part of me that was nude in front of Ginny, not naked. The part that’s starting to look forward to surviving the battle with Voldemort, so that we can get on with our long happy life together.” Wow. So Hermione's vagina is so magical that not only did it fix Harry's self esteem, but made him totally optimistic about defeating Voldemort?
He kissed her neck gently. “I think you’ve noticed me every night bowing my head in prayer. I’ve realized that there must be a God of some sort, to have delivered me into the hands of the most loving and accepting family I could have found. WHAT ABOUT THE WEASLEYS, YOU UNGRATEFUL BRAT? I thank that deity every night for your parents, since without them, you and I wouldn’t be getting handfasted on my birthday, and married on yours.”
She loosened his grip and turned in his arms, and threw her arms around his neck. “When did you become such a poetic soul, my husband?” Good question. And he's not your husband. And I hate you.
“It’s always been there. I’ve just never had any real reason to release the Kraken it before.” He bent and their lips met.
It took Helen Granger tapping him on the shoulder with a dildo to end the kiss. “I hate to end that, but the guests are goggling through the glass at you.” She grimaced. “I just hope we don’t have to uninvite Ronald. He’s fit to be tied right now. I think he was hoping that you might fancy him, darling.” Wait, so they're going to kick Ron out because he's upset about this?
I can barely type right now. Do you know why? It's because, for some strange reason, my hands keep clenching into fists and trying to PUNCH YOU THROUGH THE INTERNET, KINSFIRE.
Harry looked innocently at Helen. “But I do. Didn’t anyone tell you?”
The stunned look on the faces of both women made the statement worthwhile, and Harry started to laugh. “I’m sorry, Mum, but that was priceless; that look was …” Harry doubled over laughing, holding his stomach, which had been skewered with a harpoon. When he could speak again, he added, “You really have to specify, since you call us both darling.” He linked arms with Hermione and they walked to the door.
---
I like this Harry better than the one I met at the beginning of the summer, Helen thought. He's still got quite a distance further to go, but he's settling into a security with himself that wasn't there earlier. This is a Harry that might actually be able to defeat this Dark Lord of theirs. And it's all thanks to Suemione's mighty vagina!
---
A short time later, after a quick shared shower where they actually only showered, they stepped into the large family room together. Arthur was beaming at the two of them. He hoped it would distract them from the team of Sue Assassins that was moving in for the kill. The twins were obviously plotting something, as was their usual state of affairs, while Ginny was still more than a little stunned at what she’d seen out by the pool. Molly was frowning, but it was Ron that they were worried about. I hope this isn’t what I think it is, Hermione thought.
Harry recaps the past few chapters, and Hermione wangsts about how her life is so terrible because the other girls are meeeeean to her or something. I don't care.
Douglas and Helen Granger looked to the assembled Weasleys. "There you have it. We all felt it best to hear it from Harry and Hermione directly, rather than second- or third-hand." Helen hugged her daughter.
Molly looked on the edge of tears, and Ginny looked more than slightly crest-fallen. Ron looked ready to explode, however. He clenched his fists and carefully walked to the door to the outdoors. He opened it and stepped onto the lawn and walked quite a distance away from the house.
"What do we do?" Harry asked. "I want to go talk to him, but I think that Hermione and I are the last ones who should be speaking to him at this moment. But if I don't, he might take that as an insult."
Doug spoke up. "Let me go over to him. He hardly knows me, so I'm sure he'll value my opinion! It would probably be a good idea to be visible, so that I can make sure he knows that you wanted to come over, but that I suggested against it."
---
Ron turned as Doug Granger approached. "Hello, Mr. Granger. I'm sorry for the attitude. I'm really trying to work some things out." Wow. Ron is actually being mature. Waaaay more mature than Harry.
Doug noticed that Ron was clenching and unclenching his fists. "Care to talk about it?" he said in a manner he hoped sounded comforting.
"It hurts, y'know?" Ron said. "I've fancied your daughter for a while now. At least a year. I figured, 'Hey, I may be scared, but someday I'll get the courage, and then we can be boyfriend and girlfriend. Now I find out today that not only was that never going to happen, but she's getting married to my other best friend!" He bent his elbows, bringing his fists up as if preparing for a fight. "I am so damned jealous of him right now! Part of me wants to hate him for getting everything in life - money, fame, and now the girl! But then the part of me that is trying to be an adult reminds me that it required his parents dying to get the money, and those pictures you showed us remind me of the price of his fame." Decent Ron characterization? Pinch me, I must be dreaming!
"But I can't help but hate him right now, dammit! I would have liked the chance to find out what I really feel for your daughter. I'm jealous of the fact that he gets to see her naked. I'm …" Ron's eyes shot wide.
Doug laughed as he realized the thought that had to be running through Ron's head at this exact moment. "It's okay, Ron. I was your age once as well. I know what it's like to want to see a pretty girl without her clothes." He laughed. "Besides, she'd kill you if you tried something." He didn’t say that he much rather it be Harry seeing her naked; this boy didn’t need to hear that. Why would you rather Harry see her naked? Ron is being honest AND mature. In this story, Harry is a foul little twit.
Ron laughed, a hint of bitterness colouring his voice. "How do I face them, though? How do I tell Harry I'm happy for him when a part of me wants to be him - the part that has his arm around your daughter, and feels her kisses? How do I tell your daughter that I wish I were Harry? I may make fun of her at the school, but I notice things. I have this image of being this - well, this clown - it runs in the family, after all. Percy is the odd man out. If I get too serious, they start to wonder what's wrong. Everything I know about love tells me that I love your daughter. How do I face them with a smile, knowing that no matter how much I like Harry, and will be at his back against Vo…Vol…You-Know-Who, part of me hates him so much for having something I want?" Why are we supposed to like Harry better in this fic?
Doug could see the tears that Ron was fighting hard not to cry, because of the stupid idea that men aren’t men if they cry. "Ron, this may sound weird, but I'm betting that they'll accept it if you tell them what you just told me. It'll hurt a bit, and it might put a strain on your relationship for a while, but which is better - holding it in and exploding someday, saying things that might permanently destroy things, or to put a temporary strain on the friendship by complete honesty, and have an even stronger friendship later on? I've learned one thing about Harry this summer - he values honesty above all else. He admits that he doesn't always practice what he preaches, but he tries." He motioned over toward the house. "Look at them. They're over there, worried about you. They want you to be happy, but they understand that you have feelings for her. What they're worried most about is losing you, Ron. It may not be the way you want her to, but she does love you. You are one of the two best friends she's got." He laughed. "Let's put it this way, Ron. When she came back from Hogwarts her first year, it took me forever to discover that there were more male students at that school than Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, and their enemy Draco Malfoy. She told me all about the people who meant everything to her - her room-mates and you two boys. If you don't give up on them, they won't give up on you."
Ron took a deep breath and finally said, "Sir? Could you send them over? Please? I'd like to tell them this while I have the courage."
Doug nodded, and headed back to the group. "You two go on over." As they walked over to Ron, he turned to the rest. "Please try not to tease him too much about this. The only other boy I've ever seen in that much pain is going to be my son-in-law. Wow. I hate you, Doug. Can you stop kissing Harry's ass for JUST ONE MINUTE? Is it too much to ask? He loves my daughter, and is trying to not hate his best friends."
Fred and George nodded solemnly. "We can't all be as lucky as Fred and I were," George murmured. "We may be the eternal pranksters, but we have a heart."
Ginny looked pensive. "Maybe we can get him at least looking at another girl - and I think I know the perfect one. She'd listen to him, and I'll bet if he bothered to pay attention to her, she'd help him." She laughed. "Besides, I'm pretty sure she'd like him to see what's under her robes, if only he'll ask." HOW CONVENIENT.
I'd keep a count of how many times I've said that while sporking this story, but I don't know if I can count that high.
Chapter 6 ~ Table of Contents ~ Chapter 8