Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help.
Church Bulletin Quotations:
* "Say 'hell' to someone who doesn't like you."
* "Mr. Smith is also a close relative of his brother Wilbur in the church."
* "Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow."
* "Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community."
* "O come all ye faithful, sin in exultation."
* "After today's service, coffee and donuts will be served in the basement. Please come down and say hell to the pastor."
* "Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help."
* "For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs."
* "The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer."
* "Children will be led in sinning and Bible study."
* "This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends."
* "This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar."
* "There will be a baked bean supper next Sunday at 6:00 p.m. Music to follow."
* "At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice."
* "Life groups meet on Wednesday evening at 7:00 PM for food, fun, and fellowwhipping."
* "Marriage: An Institution To Be Endured." -- The subject of a sermon that should have read, "An Institution To Endure."
* Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
* The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
* The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
* Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.
* The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
* Miss Charlene Mason sang "I Will Not Pass This Way Again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
* The Rector will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
* Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
* Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
* The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment, and gracious hostility.
* The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
* The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
* Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
* Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
Copied and pasted from the always excellent RinkWorks.
* "Say 'hell' to someone who doesn't like you."
* "Mr. Smith is also a close relative of his brother Wilbur in the church."
* "Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow."
* "Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community."
* "O come all ye faithful, sin in exultation."
* "After today's service, coffee and donuts will be served in the basement. Please come down and say hell to the pastor."
* "Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help."
* "For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs."
* "The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer."
* "Children will be led in sinning and Bible study."
* "This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends."
* "This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar."
* "There will be a baked bean supper next Sunday at 6:00 p.m. Music to follow."
* "At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice."
* "Life groups meet on Wednesday evening at 7:00 PM for food, fun, and fellowwhipping."
* "Marriage: An Institution To Be Endured." -- The subject of a sermon that should have read, "An Institution To Endure."
* Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
* The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
* The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
* Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.
* The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
* Miss Charlene Mason sang "I Will Not Pass This Way Again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
* The Rector will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
* Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
* Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
* The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment, and gracious hostility.
* The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
* The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
* Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
* Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
Copied and pasted from the always excellent RinkWorks.