(no subject)
So I miss Matt like fucking crazy and my emotions about my relationship with Craig keep going back and forth. I just don't want someone like Craig wants someone. He wants someone to be romantic with and I want someone to fool around with. Matt was like the perfect combination of both.
I've kind of decided that I am destined to be sad, angry, fat, and alone. I am on my way to being all four of those. Actually, I have all but "alone" covered. I'm not ACTUALLY alone but I still feel alone. I really don't have anyone to fall back on. I mean, I have Craig and I have Chelsea and a few other friends but I don't really have anyone who I don't consider a friend that I can talk to. I like to have a person who is like middle ground that I can talk to. Someone who won't look at me and have history with me so they don't look at me and draw conclusions from my past. Do you have any idea what I'm saying? I guess I open up more sometimes to people I don't really know.
It's because most people already have this huge idea of who I am and when I talk to someone who doesn't have this notion of who I am, I can talk more freely and I can be whoever I feel like being in that ten minute conversation. It's great to be able to choose who you want to be for a day.
Whatever. I miss Matt. I am lonely. I was messing around the other day with someone(who shall remain nameless) and I came to the conclusion that a whore is all I will ever be. It's great. I love being fucked up.
I've kind of decided that I am destined to be sad, angry, fat, and alone. I am on my way to being all four of those. Actually, I have all but "alone" covered. I'm not ACTUALLY alone but I still feel alone. I really don't have anyone to fall back on. I mean, I have Craig and I have Chelsea and a few other friends but I don't really have anyone who I don't consider a friend that I can talk to. I like to have a person who is like middle ground that I can talk to. Someone who won't look at me and have history with me so they don't look at me and draw conclusions from my past. Do you have any idea what I'm saying? I guess I open up more sometimes to people I don't really know.
It's because most people already have this huge idea of who I am and when I talk to someone who doesn't have this notion of who I am, I can talk more freely and I can be whoever I feel like being in that ten minute conversation. It's great to be able to choose who you want to be for a day.
Whatever. I miss Matt. I am lonely. I was messing around the other day with someone(who shall remain nameless) and I came to the conclusion that a whore is all I will ever be. It's great. I love being fucked up.