completly and utterly confused.

[suddenly_silent]

i wish i could read minds but i can't.
i don't know what to tell you.
i don't want you to leave it up to me.
and flipping a coin is unrealistic and just messes with my feelings.
i won't show you how i truly feel.
if my feelings are hurt i act like it doesn't bother me.
and then you think i don't care.
i care. but i'll never show it.
i can't for some reason.
like it makes me look bad or something i don't know. and i'm sorry.
b/c i do care.
and i'm stupid.
you asked why i came to b&bs. when you know very well why i came.
i asked you why you called me earlier.
we're doing the same thing to each other. and all of it sucks.
and if were nothing.
don't call me.
don't ask me to come over.
don't hold my hand when we walk to feed the duck.
don't try to kiss me b/c i'll turn away.
but then give in b/c it feels natural.
don't whisper your confused.
it's awkward and is confusing me.
don't say hurtful things to try and turn me away.
b/c i'm almost positive it won't work.
i just want to stop all at once.
i'll won't answer the phone calls.
and i'll dodge your glances at work.

attached.
is something i don't want to be.